2017 Merry Christmas Photos

Again I say to you - I already know I take way too many pictures.  Excuse us if the order is rather random and the amount is rather astounding! We love our kids, family and friends.  If we know you at all - you may find yourself in some of these.  Feel free to click on the pictures to enlarge.  Merry Christmas!

What will the kids think?-Adoption Saga Part IV

Thank you so much for praying for Home of Hope and Edith's stay here.  We had a wonderful fundraiser and a beautiful time with Edith!  We also have a website up! thanks to the hard work of the board and Clint Nelson.  Thank you for your prayers, for giving, for volunteering and loving us well through this!

   

Part IV in our story. Part I Here   Part II Here   Part III Here

As I said before, the kids were in the room when Todd and I had started talking about adopting. We were all in various parts of the kitchen eating or making lunch. As we talked about it, Silas was excited about the possibility of getting a brother. Lucie took it nonchalantly and positively. She seemed happy about it and thought it would be fun but wasn't as serious or interested as Maggie and Silas about it. Iva seemed to feel the same, not fully understanding it I think.

Maggie however is just my girl. Sometimes her responses to life are so much like my emotional responses it is just amazing. At first she really struggled with the idea. (She's given me permission to share this.) She told us she likes our family as it is and it would feel strange having someone who isn't from our family in it. It would be weird and hard. A few tears were shed while and we asked her questions and prayed with her. Her friend Emma from co-op came over and that stopped the tears for a while but they came back afterwards.

After her friend left, Todd and I sat down with her to try to understand her thoughts. Todd kept asking her questions and probing deeper to understand what was going on in her heart. He is so good at doing this and loving her well. Eventually we got to the "aha moment" and the root of the issue. Her real struggle was that if we adopted someone who came into our family, she wouldn't have the freedom to be herself around them. She wouldn't know them and they wouldn't know her so she would feel like she would have to behave differently. She expressed that sometimes when she is around others, she doesn't always feel like she can be herself, but at home we know her, accept her and love her no matter what. Todd and I know her. Silas, Lucie and Iva know her and her issues and mistakes and love her anyway. She loved the familiarity and dynamics of our home and in her mind, this would change everything.

I had an idea about how she felt about knowing and being known for who you are and being loved. I remember talking to my mom in my early twenties about a part of me that didn't want to get married because I liked being at our home with our family. I knew who I was there and being with a husband would be weird. He would be different. It wouldn't be as comfortable as it was now. Mom assured me that I would be comfortable with my husband (and I am) but I remember those feelings.

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We prayed with Maggie and I told her that I had fears too. I told her also about how I had felt when we first found out about Vivien. I thought it was going to be difficult and sad and too much to handle. I was afraid of the change. But then we talked about the truth that even though there was change when Viv came into our life, God was trustworthy and He brought joy and beauty in who she was. And not just in her, but into our lives as a whole. We talked about how GOOD He is and how he changed my emotions and how He could change hers. We asked to pray about being willing to ask God to change her heart and her emotions. She said that she would but she didn't feel like she wanted to change.

She had calmed down a little bit and I brought her in to read to her the excerpt from my journal in May 2013. I told her the back story and began to read it to her. When, I read, "The miracle would be You speaking to Todd and him speaking to me about it." I stopped and looked at her and said, "what happened today?" it was like a light bulb went on in her head. She had been standing right there when Todd spoke those words to me. Her expression began to change. I read, "Maybe two or three years from now." and, her eyes widened again, incredulously. She started smiling. Then I brought her to the page of John Piper's sermon that Todd read in the morning and showed it to her. She began to smile. She said could get excited for Silas to be able to have a brother. She began to chatter more, and ask questions and I could see that she was actually getting excited about the idea.

As we talked more about it t was obvious that her heart was opening and even excited about the idea. I asked her if she had prayed that her heart would change and she said yes. She told us that she felt like she was starting to be happy about the idea.

We went upstairs to get ready for bed. As we were talking with Todd about her change of heart, he told her that just about the time that God was working on her heart and we were having that conversation, he had been upstairs praying for her. It was a huge building of our faith to watch Him change her heart right before our eyes. It also a faith builder for her, to allow God to change her heart. She has truly been excited about the idea ever since.

Then when it came to Silas's response, we were rather blown away. A couple days after we'd talked about the idea Silas and I had a date. Todd and I have been trying to spend one on one time with each of our kids once a month and this was my time to be with Silas. As we were chatting about life, he told me that he had been praying two things. He had been praying 1. That we would "adopt a brother" for him, and 2. that it wouldn't be "too much for us."

When I questioned further, he told me that he had been praying for this for a long time. He said that recently he had stopped praying because he felt like it was never going to happen. What a faith builder for our son! It was an encouragement to continue to pray. If he had asked us before we would have told him "it's not going to happen" and yet God hears the prayers of a child and is already at work.

It completely melted my heart to hear that he had also been praying that it would not be "too much for us." He knows we work hard and the stresses (and joys) that come with lots of children and a special needs child, and he cared enough to pray for this as well. I love that boy so much!

At the time Silas had a lot of questions. We didn't know didn't what our boy would be like or what kind of special needs he would have. We just knew that we wanted a boy that we could help medically and that could benefit from good care here in America. Because of this we didn't know how he would be able to relate to Silas but were trusting and praying that God would work this out. We had lots of discussions with him. Yet we knew that God would bring us the right boy and the right brother for Silas in His timing and in his way. And we were looking forward to God answering questions of our own....

to be continued....  Part V

Vivien, Home of Hope and Edith's Story

I love sharing our adoption story (here here and here). I’ve barely begun and have so much more, but I am going to deviate from it and share a little bit about Viv and our connection Edith and invite you to participate with us at an event coming up.

If you have read our blog at all, you know that we have so much love for Viv and so much joy in her. We have often reflected on the medical benefits we have for Viv here in America and think about the “what if’s” of her being born in another country.

Edith Lukabwe grew up in Uganda. When she gave birth to her son Derrick he was healthy but contracted a disease shortly after birth that left him severely disabled. As they realized the extent of his disabilities those from her community began to reject her. They called her cursed. Family members believed that she had brought a curse to their family. They believed her son Derek was cursed. Many in Uganda see disabled people as cursed or even demon posessed and reject them, hide them or abandon them.

Not only was it difficult for him to get the medical support that he needed, she was shunned by many. She was just a mom who loved her son and she was often rejected. Her husband was supportive but it was still very difficult.

The story is much longer than this with many more details, but at one point God spoke to her and asked her if she would have room in her heart and home for some other children she knew of who had disabilities and were not being cared for. At that time, she thought she’d take in the few that God had told her to take in. She thought that was going to be it. But God had a different plan. One that seems incredible when you look at where she is today. Many people thought she was crazy to take in these children that no one wanted.

Soon other children started showing up, often abandoned with no sign of parents. Again, the story is much longer and more complicated and I am abbreviating , but Edith and her family and some staff now run a home of 55 children with special needs. She also reaches out to the community, teaching parents with children with special needs therapies, and how to care for their children.  They have been faithful to what God called them to and they are running out of room.

Embrace Kulture sponsored Edith to come earlier this year and we all– with a lot of your help, were able to raise the funds to buy the land adjacent to Home of Hope. It was amazing to watch this happen. Now they have started to actuall build on this land and need more funds for this home.  We have put together a US board and a new organization with a 501c3 that is dedicated to helping children with special needs in Uganda.

We are hosting a fundraiser for Home of Hope. We’re so excited to invite you.  Invitation HERE.  There will be a delicious sit down dinner provided by Richard's Good Food , and you can meet this amazing woman and hear her whole story. I have left out a lot of details and it is worth hearing.

In thinking about Viv and the joy she is, we want each of these children at her home to be cared for well, loved and provided for. We would love for you to make this your goal also. As we continue on in our adoption story, you will find out more about our connection to Home of Hope and Joseph.

Even if you cannot make it to the event you can GIVE HERE. And whether you can make it or not, would you be willing to share this post or the facebook invite and spread the word? Please pray that many will come and give generously to bless these precious kids!

Worries and Faith - Adoption Saga Part III

Part III of our Adoption story.  Part one can be found here and part two here.

First of all, I am not one to have unrealistic expectations. I knew many people who have adopted special needs kids with hope and joy at the beginning and sometimes find the load to be extremely hard.

I also knew many whose stories were amazing and beautiful.  My sister was adopted.  Growing up, I just thought of her as my sister and when friends would find out she was adopted and ask me about it, it was more like an afterthought.  Oh yeah.  I never thought of her as my "adopted sister" just my sister.   It felt so natural and normal, that I'd forget to mention it.  Growing up I know that I had an "annoying little sister" mindset about her that I regret now.  Though I wish I had treated her better when I was younger, we have a good relationship today and even though she went through a difficult period in her late teens and early twenties that was hard on her and hard on my mom, they have an amazing relationship.  My sister is grateful for my mom and my mom loves her deeply.  We get together often on holidays and she and I chat on the phone or text.  There is no one I'd rather shop with.  That's what sisters are for right?  I love her and her beautiful family and they live nearby.

So though I knew that there are both happy and difficult adoption stories,  I kept thinking of adoption horror stories I'd heard or read about.... - remembering a story in Readers Digest of an adopted child who got violent, or stories of kids from other countries who were trafficked and ended up having to leave the adopted family because their biological family didn't understand it was forever.  This was not a good place for my mind to go.

I also knew that if we did get a boy who is a little older (even somewhere between 3-8 for instance) that there could be some behavioral issues simply because of what he may have gone through. Often times the reason adoption is needed, is because of the extremely difficult circumstances behind the child's life and with special needs children from a third world country, it could be even more so. The workload of physically caring for a child could also be small in comparison to the behavioral, emotional and spiritual needs a child could face if he has been mistreated or even just institutionalized.  My heart goes out to those children who have faced abuse or neglect

I knew that I wanted to go into this completely committed to the welfare of our boy, as well as to our biological children and willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary to do so. I didn't want to do this halfway.

However, over and over the Holy Spirit kept speaking the truth to me about Vivien. He reminded me what it was like when we first got Vivien's diagnosis at 20 weeks. I was so depressed, distraught and truly devastated at the thought of having a child with special needs. I was scared. I didn't want her to die, while at the same time, I feared how my life would change if she lived. Would we be in constant fear and worry for her health and that she was going to die? Would she require so much work that I wouldn't have any freedom? I pictured myself as a drudge at home, continually caring for her medical needs, without a life of my own. I felt selfish even in thinking this, but knew that there is often a great workload. I wondered if we'd be able to go on vacation ever again. I just thought that if she lived, my life would end as I knew it.

 Being on this side, it is almost laughable how worried I was, even though my pain felt real at the time.  Especially right after she was born, our life was pretty crazy.  But I love my life with Vivien. Truly she is not burdensome. I love her so dearly and she is such a wonderful content little person. She fits beautifully into our family. Caring for her now feels natural, easy and normal. Just a part of our everyday life like caring for any other of our children.  It feels natural and normal, in the same way that life with my sister who was adopted felt so natural and normal growing up that I'd forget to mention it.  Both with adoption and with caring for a child with special needs there are challenges.  But there is also joy.

Of course the workload is time consuming and sometimes inconvenient - but that is true for our other kids as well.  All children, special needs or not, adopted or not, bring challenges. Even my fear of travel was unjustified as she has been to 6 different states/provinces with us. Truly, God has made the yoke "easy" and the burden "light." with Vivien. It doesn't mean that there aren't difficult times or that there won't be difficult times.  But He has given great grace. He kept reminding me how he has made life with Vivien beautiful and He will also do this with our boy. It doesn't mean that we might face different challenges than we've faced with Vivien, or that our life won't change or even be difficult at times. But it does mean that God can make it good and beautiful.

I wanted to believe the best about God's redemptive power in regard to the boy we adopt. I know that the very heart of the gospel is that He takes our brokenness and heals us - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and in our behavior. He brings beauty and joy and hope. I wanted to believe the best about our boy and not expect that everything would be difficult.  I wanted to believe that God is good and powerful and that He can and will work in the lives of all of our children, including our boy to come. I absolutely believe in the regenerating power of Jesus and the gospel in every person's life.

I wrote this in my journal to God, "The furthest thing from my heart and head is to.... expect that something bad will happen, I so don't want to raise him up always feeling suspicious of him or feeling like he is different. Of course he will be different than all my kids - but all my kids are different with different personalities and issues. The last thing I want to do is go into this with a biased or suspecting heart toward a boy that will be my child and will hold my heart. I want to love him well and freely and expect the best and speak good things over him and believe good things of him, that he will be Your child all the days of his life and that all my kids will be YOURS heart and soul. 

I know that I will be stretched emotionally, (as I was stretched with Viv) in knowing how to...love him and...what that will look like and where the line is and what he will be able to handle.... I know that in some ways, because he will not have bonded with me as a baby there will be attachment issues and I will need to really listen to your Holy Spirit in what is best for his...heart. Lord, there are just so many unknowns. But... I feel a settled resolve and depth though and trusting in you. 

That morning I was reading about Abraham. Gen 17:9 And God said to Abraham, “As for you, you shall keep my covenant, you and your offspring after you throughout their generations." I want this for all my children including my boy. I wrote, " So Lord - prepare me and make me ready. Help me to trust You for what the future holds. I feel inadequate to love well and correctly and fully but I know that Your grace is there for me because You have ultimately called us to this so we can trust You in it. I keep going back to how I felt when Vivien was going to be born and how so many of my fears were unfounded and you have made this life with her so good.....   You will give the grace and joy and strength and love that I desperately need. So I thank You and I give this to You."

Just like my blogpost about "Growing some Love" for Vivien, Jesus is in the process of growing my love for our boy, who I haven't met yet.  Vivien has beautifully enhanced my life and made it richer and fuller.  Our boy will do the same.  When your family expands, your love grows.

The Sunday after we had made the decision to adopt, Todd was working 24 hrs so I had to get all the kids to church. When Todd is gone, this is at the best - a challenge - at the worst a nightmare sometimes.  By the time I settled into my seat that day with Viv I was feeling such struggle and warfare and doubt about our decision.  I was struggling with self doubt and feeling like a good mom in caring for the kids I had now.  How could I think about being able to care for another?  I was ready for God to speak to me.

It is funny. A theme of our marriage - and really our life - has been found in Deut 30 which speaks of "entering into the land" that God has put before us. The passage the pastor was in that morning was Deut 9, which also speaks of entering into the land that God has for us. This adoption will be an entering of new territory for us - one in which we need God's help. Pastor Jay Haugh was talking about the reliability of God. When he calls us to do something that may feel difficult - we can look at the past, and see His reliability - His goodness and faithfulness - and know that He will be with us for the future as well. Again, I sat back, amazed at God's perfect timing of this sermon for me. It was exactly what I needed.

Just as the Holy Spirit has been reminding me about His faithfulness and reliability with Viv, this sermon reminded me that He will be faithful in the future for our boy. My favorite quote from the sermon was this, "Our courageous obedience (for the future) is based on experiencing Jesus predictability." In obeying Jesus, we look not to our own strength but to His past faithfulness.

In Deut 9 (as well as Ezekiel 36:24-28, another important passage in my life) it talks about how this is not based on our righteousness. We don't "enter the land" because of our own strength or goodness. We aren't adopting a child because we are awesome or righteous or capable. We will adopt him even if we feel inadequate, knowing that it is His righteousness, not ours, His strength, not our own. Again - His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  We will pray that He will grow our love, grow our capacity and grow our joy.  He has done this before and He will do it again.That morning I knew I was weak. Yet that sermon gave me courage. God's timing is perfect.

The other incredible thing that God did that week was not only in our own lives but the lives of our children. We weren't the only ones who had to process this. And it has been a process....

To be continued....  (Part IV Here)