Saturday, May 24, 2014

April 29 – Test Result Day by Molly

During  the two week waiting period there was some hope that our baby girl did not have Trisomy-18.  Even though I had a lot of the markers, there were times that it felt like the test was going to come back normal and everything would be fine, and there were other times when it was hard to hope.  But there was still hope.  Nothing was final.

I also kept going back to how God had spoken to me before she was conceived about the certainty that we were going to have another baby.  Once again, this didn’t assure me that she did not have t-18 but it assured me that He knew about this beforehand, nothing was a surprise to Him or a mistake.  The two scenarios in my mind were that He had spoken to us so much about her, so we could be assured of her health, or that He had spoken to us so much about her, because He knew ahead of time that she would have t-18 and He wanted us to have the comfort of knowing that this was in His plan.  Either way, I knew He was in control.

A few days before we found out Todd and I went to see “Heaven is for Real”.  Regardless of what you think of the movie, we both felt like it was significant that we saw it at this point, because it was just a beautiful reminder of how real heaven truly is and that if our baby was to die prematurely, we would see her again.  We were also anointed with oil for healing, and prayed for by one of our very good friends and elders at our church.  While we cried through the whole thing, it was a beautiful experience and a reminder that healing is in God’s hands.

 I knew that the results would come in 7-10 days and of course we were hoping earlier than later, but wanted to continue to live life as normally as possible.  We had offered take our friends’ kids for two days and one night so they could have an anniversary getaway.  They offered to back out when all of this happened, but we insisted it was ok.  I figured if we did get bad news, it would be good to have something to do in front of us.  So Monday Todd was home and I had some help, but Tuesday he went to work and I had 9 kids 10 and under.  Needless to say the kids all had an awesome time together, but it was a crazy day.  Thankfully it was sunny and they were outside most of the day with lots of rom.   Another close mutual friend came over with her two kids for a play date so I did have another adult there for some of the day and the kids had a great time together and it was good to relax and talk with her on the porch.

A curious thing happened in the morning.  Actually, let me back up.  On my birthday, I got a pm on Facebook from a man who I went to church with when I was young.  I used to babysit for his kids when they I was a teenager.  They are grown now.  He wished me a happy birthday from he and his wife and I thanked him and he said that he was praying for me and for our baby.  At that point, we were still in the waiting period and I wondered if he’d heard anything about our baby, but it became apparent later that he hadn’t.  I thought it was nice, though it struck me as odd, since I haven’t talked with him or his family in years.

Tuesday morning though, I woke up with another pm from him in my inbox saying that he was awake in the night and that the baby and I came to his mind and he was praying for us.  I thanked him and decided to briefly tell him that we were having some complications and were waiting for a test result to come back soon.  He replied that he would be praying.

4:00 or so on Tuesday the kids were (thankfully) all playing outside and I got the call from the genetic counselor.  She was very gracious, kind, gentle and professional.  I don’t remember much of the preliminaries, but when she told me that the test result was positive, I tearfully repeated back to her, “so she does have trisomy 18?” and she told me yes.  It was later confirmed that Vivien had full trisomy 18, not mosaic.  Mosaic T-18 would give her a greater probability of survival.  I made it through the phone call with just a bit of voice quivers, but afterwards of course I lost it. 

I hung up and immediately called Todd, who was at work.  He offered to come home, but I told him he didn’t need to, thinking that we would need the sick leave later.  Our friends had texted me and I knew that they’d be back in the next couple of hours or so.  We agreed not to tell the kids until he got home, unless it just came out because I was struggling.  He was ok if they knew, but if I could wait it would be better.  I called my mom, and he let his parents know.  But when our friends arrived, I couldn’t keep it in.  I told them tearfully that she had been diagnosed with trisomy 18.

Once again, I felt like it was Jesus’ mercy in timing to have a friend there to hug and cry with me, even though Todd was at work. She was so sweet, weeping with me and offering support.   In addition to this, He allowed the phone call to come right before they came home instead of earlier.  Even though I thought I’d be ok taking care of all the kids, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole.  I had pictured myself yourself stronger than I actually felt.   I am thankful that God knew.  Our friends offered to watch the kids for a bit.  When the kids saw me crying I was honest with them about the results.

Our kids have all responded differently to what is going on.  They have all cried about the baby, (except Iva) at different times and it just seems to hit them differently, but that day Lucie just burst into tears when she heard.  I went upstairs to be by myself a bit, but she followed too.  The older two were ok for the moment, distracted by playing with all the other kids, but Lucie and I cried together.  It was good to have her there, because it kept me from getting too deep into myself as I kept telling her that Jesus was in charge and that He was going to take care of our baby.  Speaking the truth about Jesus and our baby to her, also spoke truth to my own heart.

Our friends were so sweet and offered to watch the kids if I wanted to go to the station to see Todd.  I decided to take them up on it, as he was in Renton that day, but when I called, he made the decision to just go ahead and come home.  Despite what I had said before, I felt immense relief to know that he was coming home.  I was very tired already and the emotional strain on top of the physical strain was enough to stop my protests.

Our friends made sure that we were ok, and then left with their kids.  I had a couple of hours before Todd came home because someone had to relieve him.  I talked with the kids a bit and I don’t think they quite understood the full impact.  Over the past few weeks, their understanding has grown.  But in that moment, even Lucie was ok and they all ended up going back outside and playing.

But once again, Jesus revealed himself to me before Todd even got home.  I looked down at my phone and an hour after I had received the call with the results, my friend from our old church had messaged me again.  I told him the results and thanked him for praying, realizing that the timing of him waking up last night was obviously God.  He sent back a message explaining that he had really felt led to pray for us and that God has given him a gift of praying for pregnant mothers, their babies in the womb and newborns, when there was a need.  He said that he believes it stems back to a miraculous healing that he received when he was 15 months old.  He loves ministering in prayer this way and he let us know that he would continue to pray for us throughout my pregnancy.

Once again, Jesus knew ahead of time and the Holy Spirit was already setting up comfort and prayer for us.  What are the chances of him messaging me just that morning?   In addition to this, he had never mentioned praying for any of our other babies, just this one.  After I got the message, I once again burst into tears, realizing how loved I am by the Holy Spirit and that He is my comforter, preparing ahead of time for what we would be going through that day by sending someone to pray and show that Jesus is actively involved in our life.  He is so kind to us.

Todd came home and I made arrangements to not go to my Bible Study the next morning.  We spent time that evening and the next day as a family, just talking about what the future might hold, praying and crying.  But at the same time, both of us did feel peace from Jesus.  I was able to sleep.  God had also spoken to Todd that we were “going to be ok”.  He didn’t know what that meant circumstantially, but once again, it assured him that God is taking care of us.

Up Next – How the Word is living and active and brought us comfort and LIFE at exactly the right time.


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