Long Version:
This birth was such a strange paradox for me. I love natural birth, I am anti-induction, anti-c-section and my friends think I’m crazy because I really do love labor and the drama and the empowerment that comes from birthing all four of my kids naturally. So going from this to deciding to induce as well as encouraging my nurses and doctors to not hesitate to do a c-section if there are any signs of distress was such a paradigm shift. At 41 weeks, we know the chances of stillbirth go up dramatically. Because of this, we decided to go ahead and do what we could to induce. Many T-18 babies die in the process of birth alone, due to the strength of contractions. Knowing that pitocin could induce stronger contractions, we began with only a “whiff” of pitocin. We had also shared our desire to have a C-section if there were any signs of distress on Vivien. If having a C-section gave us 30 seconds of her alive with us, that was well worth it. If we only had the opportunity to tell her “You are loved, you are beautiful, Jesus is waiting for your”, that would far outweigh the recovery of a C-section. So Tuesday morning began with a stripping of my membranes, which certainly didn’t hurt like I expected. We didn’t get much but checked into labor and delivery soon after that. The doctor did do a pitocin induced stress test (0.1 units/hour) in the afternoon to check Vivien’s heart rate when I did have a contraction and see how she tolerated them. After about an hour, I dilated a little and started contracting on my own. These contractions were surprisingly easy and got me up to 4 centimeters. They turned it off again and let my body labor on its own. I was so glad my body responded well to this little nudge.
At 8:00pm, they decided to go ahead and break my water, which was fine with me. Though I’ve gone natural with all my babies, I have only had my water break naturally once; I’ve always had to have it broken by the doctor at some point, often after I was fully dilated. My bag of waters is unusually strong and this one proved to be no different. It was one of the most painful parts because they had to push Vivien down as they did it to make sure she engaged well in the birth canal. In addition to this, they had a hard time breaking it because they wanted to do it very slowly and they weren’t even sure that they had broken it because they used such a small prick. However, once my fluid started draining out things did start to pick up. And I had a LOT of fluid. Normal fluid ranges at birth are measured by 12-25. Mine had been in the low thirties, but as with most babies with t-18 I had extra fluid and that morning I’d measured at a whopping 42. I was definitely full.
My mom arrived soon after this and so did Todd’s mom and Maggie. After much asking and pleading over the past few months, we decided that Maggie could wait in the waiting room with Mom Merry during Vivien’s labor. She came in twice absolutely thrilled and excited to be there. I was happy to see both of them and she came at just the right time when the contractions were light enough that I could interact and say hi and give her a kiss. They got serious soon after she went back out into the waiting room. My labor slowed down a little so they turned the pitocin back on for an hour or so and then turned it off because my body responded again. No pitocin was needed for the rest of my labor. I was grateful for the little “nudge” but also grateful that I was able to have my own contractions for the rest of labor.
I tend to labor slow and Vivien was no different. Even near the end, my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart, which is typical for my births. They are just super strong. I have found the farther they are apart, the stronger they are. In the last hour or two, Vivien started to have some trouble after each contraction. It was interesting that her heart rate would drop right after each one, rather than during the contraction. The nurse finally changed my birth position to lying down on my side (not my preference) because Vivien handled these better. Though her heart rate would go down, it would pop back up so the doctor wasn’t too worried, but as I got further along, her heart rate was dropping more often and for longer periods. I made it to 8cm, but at about 12:30pm, the doctor made the call for a C-section as her heart rate was getting lower and lower.
Todd and I have been so impressed with the medical personnel here at Swedish. The nurses and doctors have been just great overall. You hear so many nightmare stories about how doctors respond when they find out that you have a baby with t-18 and while the doctors here do give some of the normal recommendations, when we have told them what we want for Vivien, they have been more than willing to accommodate to our plan and what our wishes are. This was no exception and they were urgent about getting her out. It was literally about 5 minutes from the time I was in the labor and delivery room and the doctor made the call for c-section, until Vivien was delivered in the operating room.
As they rushed me out, I felt both a sense of relief and peace from God. I remember as they moved me onto the operating table, I remember thinking, “people must be praying for me” because I didn’t feel scared at all and I smiled encouragingly at Todd. The only part I didn’t like was when they put a full oxygen mask on me and told me to take deep breaths and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The anesthesiologist was super assuring as we were wheeled out and told me they were going to take good care of me. He told Todd in no uncertain terms to sit down in a nearby chair. He reminded him to sit down again when Todd tried to stand up and look. Normally women are awake during c-sections and just have a spinal, but because I’d opted for no epidural, I had no spinal access in my back. I just had the IV in place, so I had to go completely out for a general. It sounds like normally husbands aren’t even allowed in the room for a general but he allowed Todd to be there – sitting down! I can only assume he didn’t want him to faint or get in the way. I went easily and quickly to sleep.
Todd had to tell me about the rest. He said it was less than 2 minutes from the time they cut me open to her coming out. She was very blue, but they were able to give her oxygen and stimulate her enough for her to pink up and start breathing on her own. She didn’t need to be intubated which was a relief.
Both the Grandma’s and Maggie got to meet Vivien before I did, but when I woke up about an hour later back in the labor and delivery room on my back the only thing I remember was whimpering because the incision hurt so badly. I pleaded to be turned on my side and the curling up gave me the ability to get comfortable. I heard later that when I first woke up, I was combative, doing the karate chop thing. It makes me laugh when I think about it, but I don’t remember that part at all.
Soon after I woke up, I was able to go meet Vivien and hold her. They took me on a gurney right into the NICU and put me skin to skin with her for a little bit. I was still very groggy, and I loved seeing her but the memory is faint because of how drugged I was. I remember her big eyes as she was fairly alert and how tiny she was but not much more than that. Todd and I got to sleep for about 3 hours before the day started and we had lots of doctors and nurses checking on me and visitors in and out.
The next couple of days were a bit of a blur as the following day I was still super tired, sleepy and could hardly keep my eyes open as family and friends came to meet her and I worked on pumping and visiting her when I could. She is so beautiful and I loved holding her though I felt like I couldn’t do it for more than a few minutes before I felt exhausted.
So grateful that Jesus has let us meet her!
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