We're doing this! - Continuing our Adoption Saga Part II

Here is part two of our ongoing story of adoption. You can find part I Here  We also want to invite you to our home on Oct 22nd 2017 at 6:30 to hear more about Todd and Maggie's medical mission trip to Uganda. Here is the link to the invite.

Adoption Story Part II

The first week in November was a bit rough. For some reason I was just feeling more overwhelmed and anxious than normal - about the kids about the house and about life. I felt like I was just not getting caught up and I was so worried about it that I was having trouble sleeping. When I woke up on November 2nd, I hadn't fallen asleep before 2:00am for the past two nights and life seemed out of control. I have struggled with insomnia in the past but it is uncharacteristic of me now. So that Wednesday morning I was exhausted and still felt a bit overwhelmed.

Todd too, was feeling it. As most of you know, he is pretty amazing at all the things he does. He home schools all of our kids and even though he has help from me, the grandparents and our wonderful tutor, he oversees it all and still does quite a bit of teaching. He takes care of all the yard work, several rentals, is on the board of our co-op, teaches a unit at our co-op every year and works full time as a paramedic. He is very involved in our home life. We love that his job affords him having to work two or three 24hr days a week, giving him more time at home, but nevertheless we have conversations where tells me he sometimes feels like he is barely holding on. After a day when the kids are particularly cranky or life is just crazy, he often sings to me with smirk, "it's the most wonderful time, of the year". At least he keeps his sense of humor.

We had a meeting with Vivien's therapists that week. She has a lot of therapy and doctor appointments and this time several met at once to discuss her yearly progress. It was a great meeting with the therapists oohing and aahhig over her and talking about all the great progress she has been making. These are people who are passionate about what they do, who love the kids they work with, are incredibly smart and gifted and are what I'd call "naturals" in the special needs world. Maggie recently said about Vivien's physical therapist Mollie, "I feel like she's our friend, not only a therapist."

Afterwards Todd and I were in the kitchen talking and getting the kids lunch. Todd  remarked about what a great meeting it was and how thankful he was for the support we receive for Vivien and how much they care about her. He was overflowing with gratefulness. He looked at me and said rather hesitantly, "I know that you would never go for this..... but sometimes, with all the good support we receive for Vivien, her therapists, our great insurance and with our proximity to Children's Hospital and all of the wonderful care we have received there - it just makes me wish we could adopt a child with special needs from another country, who would otherwise not thrive. We have all of these resources and are so blessed. I would love to adopt."

I looked at him sideways rather incredulously, then grinned. I said, "Let's do it."

He stopped and looked at me. I said again, "I think we should do it. I have been praying about this and God has already talked to me about it. I've been asking God to show you if we are supposed to do it." He said incredulously, "I have been thinking about this for a while, but you've always said you're not a special needs mama. You haven't had a heart to adopt special needs kids."

I then proceeded to tell him all that God had been doing in my heart over the last few weeks. It turned out that he has been thinking about this and wishing for it for a while. He just thought that I would never go for it. He knows it's not "me".

Yes it's not me, yet God has a way of taking our weakness and saying "this is where I want to show my power in you." He takes the areas that we are weak in and makes us strong. 2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."  Because I am so lacking in this area (and I know it), I have to rely on His strength. And he makes me strong for what I do with Viv. He not only makes me strong but he has given me  genuine, emotional joy in it (as I've written here and here). Even when I feel inadequate. Todd and I were both amazed and excited as we spoke about what God was doing. He was so surprised to hear what God had spoken to me.

As the day went on, I decided to look up what I had written in my journal. It took a bit to find it, but in May of 2013 I'd written all about the experience I'd had when God talked to me to me about adopting. At the end I wrote to God. "If You want us to adopt...I’m willing. The miracle would be You speaking to Todd and him speaking to me about it. Afterwards I wondered if I really heard from You, and thought I was silly....but I felt a peace about it because if You want it to happen, You will speak to Todd and I can just wait for now. Maybe two or three years from now." It struck me that I'd written "the miracle would be You speaking to Todd and him speaking to me" and that was exactly what had happened. Secondly I'd written "maybe two or three years from now." And it has been about 3 1/2 years.

As I said before, at the time I had no idea why God put this into my heart. I wasn't particularly looking for adoption and I was just thinking about a typical child, not a child with special needs. But God knew what was coming. God knew who was coming in Vivien and he was preparing me ahead of time even though I didn't know it.

I read it to Todd, marveling at what God had done. Then an hour or so later, Todd called me into the office. "You have to see this." He opened his laptop. He and a friend had been studying Galatians and he was reading through Galatians 4. That morning he thought since he was studying it, he should look up a John Piper sermon on Galatians 4. He loves Piper and always learns from him. This was the sermon and it's 8 points....

Adoption; The Heart of the Gospel
1. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) costly.
2. Adoption did (for God) and does (for us) involve the legal status of the child.
3. Adoption was blessed and is blessed with God’s pouring out a Spirit of sonship.
4. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) marked by moral transformation through the Spirit.
5. Adoption brought us, and brings our children, the rights of being heirs of the Father.
6. Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) seriously planned.
7. Adoption was (for God) and often is now (for us) from very bad situations.
8. Adoption meant (for all Christans) and means (for Christian parents) that we suffer now and experience glory later.

We both sort of threw our hands up in the air. God couldn't have been making things more clear to us. We spent quite a bit of time discussing and thinking. We knew for sure that we wanted a boy. Silas has wanted a brother for a long time. We weren't sure specifically about the kind of special needs that our boy would have. We wanted to be open to any boy God has for us, regardless of his needs. We didn't want to decide completely ahead of time that we would rule anything out. We know we want God to lead us to the boy He has for us and He has proven, clearly, that He can do this.

And as I said at the beginning, we woke up the next morning praying for 6 children instead of 5.

But God speaking to us and to my heart to do something doesn't always mean immediate joy and fulfillment in what He is calling us to. For the next few days or so I struggled emotionally pretty thoroughly, as I processed the implications of what this could mean. In fact, I almost felt depressed. It was such an odd mixture of , anxious thoughts, and a heaviness in thinking about what this could entail while at the same time great peace and excitement in knowing that God had spoken.

I recognize that we do have an enemy of our souls and when God calls us to something and asks us to obey, our enemy, doesn't want us to obey. I believe in God and I also believe that there are is a physical real devil who wants to lie to us about God's plan and His goodness. There is such a thing as spiritual warfare and I realized why I'd felt so overwhelmed and anxious and lost sleep for those two days beforehand. I also knew that I was under some attack afterwards emotionally. Those few days after we decided to obey were difficult to say the least. It seemed like the kids were more out of control, there were more messes made, things broken and chaos than is typical around our house. I felt like I wasn't parenting well and was exhausted and overworked. This, coupled with some anxious thoughts about what this decision would practically look like gave me pause.

To be continued....  (Part III)  (Part IV)

Vivien is Going to Be a Little (or big) Sister! - Adoption Saga Part I

As many of you know, Todd and Maggie recently took an incredible medical missions trip to Uganda. So many of you have supported them with prayer, finances and encouragement. Todd will hopefully be blogging soon about that trip. What we have told friends and family, but haven't shared online until now is that we are in the process making Vivien a little (or big) sister again in a truly surprising and miraculous story of adoption. We know what you're thinking. "They already have their hands more-than-full. The Merry's have officially gone off the deep end."

That was similar to our reaction when God talked with Todd and I (separately) about this. Neither one of us thought the other would go for it and we both wondered if we were crazy. But as you shall see as you read, we surprised each other, just as God surprised us! It's quite the story...

Joseph

We have completed our home study and are working with an adoption agency. Todd and Maggie were able to meet little Joseph while they were on their medical mission trip. We will be adopting him, Lord willing, from Home of Hope.  Todd and Maggie were thrilled (and emotional) when they met him and we are hopeful that he will join our family soon. Ugandan adoptions can be complicated and uncertain but as you will see, God has made it clear to us to begin this process and we are trusting that He see it through. We've heard Him speak in surprising ways and we are excited for what He is going to do.

In other news, Vivien began school this month and has been doing amazing. We love her teachers and it has been a wonderful experience for her and for us.  We are really grateful for the therapies she gets at school and for her committed, dedicated teachers.

Teacher Molly

Teacher Sharmy

Maggie and Isaac and Rachel's boys
Ezra and Aaron on either side of Joseph
Cousins-to-be.

Our relatives, Dan, Susie, Rachel,
Issaac  and boys

The reason we wrote that Vivien will be a big (or little) sister is because we are not quite sure of Joseph's age. Joseph has cerebral palsy and in Uganda, disabled children are often looked on as curses. They are also difficult to care for and Joseph was found, on the grounds of Home of Hope wrapped in a banana leaf when he was around age one. Even parents who may love their children might not believe they have the ability or resources to care for them. Joseph is most likely around 3 or 4 now.

Edith, Todd, Joseph and Maggie
Outside of Home of Hope

So we invite you to come with us on our journey as we be blog about the past, the present and the future.


The story of Joseph - Part I

by Molly

I keep a prayer list. There are a lot of names on my list, but foremost I pray for each one of my kids. I have a few paragraphs that are specific to the strengths, weakness and needs of each child and then I have words I pray and think on for all of them. On November 2nd of 2016 I had 5 children on my prayer list. On November 3rd I woke up praying for 6 kids. God kind of blew our minds on November 2nd. But in order to tell you about November 2nd, I need to back up a bit. Three years in fact.

In early September 2016 we had a play date with a friend of mine. She has four boys and we'd been meaning to get together for a while and were finally doing it. Silas is always super eager to have boys over as the estrogen can be a little thick at our house. As the kids played happily in the backyard Sanae shared a story with me that really affected me. Both of us were crying by the time she was done. She'd had a rough patch with homeschooling her four energetic boys. She'd been sick for several weeks, and felt woefully behind, frustrated and she felt like she would never catch up. As she was praying about it, she felt like God spoke to her and asked her why she homeschooled. What was her purpose? She knew it wasn't just about academics, getting into good universities or having amazing careers. After thinking it through she gave Him what she felt like was the bottom line. " What I want for them is to love You and serve You.... I want them to have the kind of faith that would make them drop everything in life to obey you when you call." She felt like He spoke back to her, “Very good! Now, YOU live like that.” That was the end of the conversation.... for a time.

Soon after that she attended a funeral of some good friends of hers, the Joss family. Their family had adopted quite a few children with special needs from other countries. Recently they had adopted a little girl who passed away 4 days after she arrived. She had been sick with a cold but still very active. The doctor had been called and while advice was given, there was nothing terribly alarming enough to bring her in. She didn't even have a fever but passed away very suddenly and tragically from what was determined later to be pneumonia.

At the service, the father of this family was talking about children who have special needs all over the world, waiting to be adopted. As he was talking Sanae felt the Lord whispering to her, what she called the "A-word". She felt like He was speaking to her heart about adoption. She was totally opposed to the idea, reminding God that they had a small house, small means, and that she was already overwhelmed with homeschooling their boys. How could He ask her to do something like this? Yet He kept speaking to her heart so she told Him that she would obey, but she needed Him to change her heart and help her to be willing. To her surprise He did. He actually made her excited about the idea. She prayed about it before telling her husband but when she did and he prayed about it as well, God made it clear. They were at that time in the process now of adopting a baby girl with Downs-Syndrome from China.  As I write this post today (in 2017) they just brought their sweet and adorable little girl home a few days ago!

As Sanae shared her story with me, at the same time, I felt God speaking to my heart as well. And He reminded me of something that had happened three year earlier. Something I'd written in my journal and completely forgotten about.

As you may know from what I wrote in my book, when we had four kids and were praying about a 5th, Todd and I were not seeing eye to eye for a time. He felt done and I felt like we were supposed to have another. I remember specifically jogging, near my Mom's house while she watched the kids. I was listening (as usual) to Lisa Bevere and she was telling the story of when God spoke to her to have more children. As I was listening I felt like God said clearly to me, "You are going to have another baby and then you are going to adopt another one." I thought that was the strangest thing ever. It seemed like a completely random thought and I wondered if it was just my own thoughts or truly from God.

I had been feeling for a while like we were going to have another child, and I was trusting God with this and praying that He would change Todd's heart in His timing. But I had no idea why He would say adopt. In my mind, if we wanted another child, why would I not just have another child? Why would we adopt? And how in the world would I ever convince Todd we were supposed to adopt when he wasn't even ready to have another one of our own?" At the time I took the assurance about another child from God, and I wrote in my journal what He had said about adoption. I didn't feel like He was asking me to do anything about it. I just felt like He was telling me it as a fact that was going to happen. So I just wrote it down and literally forgot about it. I didn't even tell Todd. I basically told God at the time - "if You want this to happen and if this is you and not just a random thought of mine, You have to be the one to tell Todd. I'm still working on the next baby. If adoption is supposed to happen, You have to tell him."

As you know if you've read the story in my book, He made it clear to Todd and I through a series of events that we were supposed to have a 5th baby who turned out to be Vivien.  God worked so beautifully in both of our hearts about that decision. But as Sanae was speaking He reminded me of what He'd told me about adoption. Suddenly it all began to make sense. He wanted us to adopt a special needs child. My heart would never have been open to adopting a child with special needs before Vivien came along.

I have always said, "I'm not a special needs mama." It is not me. I am Vivien's mama, because she is MINE and I love her and though our journey with her has been difficult at times, in other ways, it has turned out surprisingly natural and easy and good. I know that is because of God's grace though, not because of me. There are people who are truly "naturals" at taking care of babies and kids with special needs. With his medical background and passion for meeting people's practical needs and doing it well, Todd is one of those "naturals." These are people who have hearts for it and who find deep fulfillment in working in the arena of special needs. Being Viv's mama, I have met a lot of people - both moms and professionals alike who are "naturals" and gifted and drawn in that way. I know that I am not one. He has given much grace with Vivien. And yet.....

I knew in my heart as Sanae was speaking that God was asking us to adopt a special needs child. I knew that was why I was crying as she told me about it. I knew that that is why He put this word about adoption into my heart three years ago and I knew that it was supposed to happen as she spoke to me that day in September. I would have not been open three years ago to a special needs child adoption, but as I was sitting there, I felt like He was reminding me, "Sanae is saying yes to me and her house is smaller than yours, her means are less, and you have lots of help with homeschooling. And you have experience with a special needs child." Sanae was a beautiful example of trusting Him and He was taking away all my excuses.

At the same time, I remembered what I'd said to Him before. I basically told Him again, "The deal is still the same. You have to tell Todd." After Sanae left, I mentioned to Todd how much her visit affected me and I told him some of their story. I didn't tell him about what God had said to me, but I kept saying that we had to have them over and let them tell their story to him.  I was meaning to do it too, but life gets busy and so I just kept it in my heart and prayed about it.

To be continued.....  (Part II Here)    (Part III Here)  (Part IV Here)

Vivien's 3rd Birthday Party - You are invited! - + Summer Pics!

Just a quick little post to invite you to Vivien's 3rd birthday party on Sept 2nd.  We are looking forward to sun, pizza, a bouncy house and fun celebrating the birthday girl.  E-mail viviensbirthdaybash@gmail.com for an evite.

Even this butterfly decided to celebrate Vivien:

We've had a great summer and are looking forward to Vivien going to school in the fall.  Enjoy the pictures of her summer! 

1000 Days Old! School, Uganda and Save-theDate - By Todd and Molly

By Todd

1,000 days ago, we entered into a life-journey we never expected. As every parent does, we’d prayed for a healthy child and delivery. I had never really thought much about caring for a child who would have been disabled or frequently sick. It just seemed like one of those areas I didn’t spend too much time thinking over. When we first heard of her diagnosis at the 20 week ultrasound, I really was angry with God. Giving us a healthy child seemed so easily in His grasp, and yet He thought otherwise. While I don’t love her disability, I do love Vivien. I love how she (and He) has changed our lives through an illness we never asked for.  We are so grateful for what He has done.

After birth, the doctors told us we’d have two to four weeks with her. With that prognosis, every hour was a gift. With the nurse’s help, I made a big pink sign to attached to Viv’s incubator that showed how many days old she was that day. Every morning, we’d swap out yesterday’s number for a new one – and sometimes sang happy birthday. One day brought the next and days turned into weeks, which turned into months.

Today our sweetheart turns 1,000 days old! She has grown into a beautiful little girl full of life and joy. She truly is one of the happiest people I’ve ever met. She is the most content and easily pleased of all of our children. Her life has shaped our family in ways I never had expected. She is adored by her siblings who don’t seem bothered in any way by her limitations or the inconveniences caring for her sometimes  brings.

This September, Vivien will graduate out of the “Birth-to-Three” program. This means that instead of her therapists coming to our house, her therapy will be provided by the school district. Viv will be going to preschool four days a week. This is a specialized preschool that is only about a mile from our house and we've heard great reviews from friends who've had kids attend there and are excited for more therapy for her.

By Molly

I too am excited to celebrate Viv's 1000 days. In the Trisomy 18 community it is common to count by days, rather than months or years because of the expectation that the days will be short. So reaching the 1000 day milestone is definitely something to celebrate.

Viv and Grandma Merry on Mother's Day

As Todd wrote above, we are thinking about preschool for Viv. We've been joking about the fact that we have homeschooled all of our older children but Vivien will be going to school! It is just a couple hours a day but we are looking forward to watching her progress. We have been meeting with so many specialists at her school who are evaluating how to help her from motor therapy to audio and visual, to the school nurse and psychologist. We are excited about all the people that are going to be involved in our little girl's life.

Please Consider: Our family is going to be bringing her back and forth and volunteering at her school and we were thinking how cool it would be if she had lots of friends volunteer whether it be once a week, once a month or once a quarter. We want to invite you to come and volunteer in her classroom if you like. Just contact us and we can get you the form. So many of you have prayed for her and watched her grow. We know it may be an out of the box request, but think about it and pray about it. If any of you are local and just want to spend some time with her and give back to the community we'd love to see you at her school!

Save the Date: Vivien's third birthday party will be Sept 2 at our house so save the date! 

 
UGANDA TRIP: We'd love your prayers and support 

We are celebrating Viv's birthday a little early this year because Todd and Maggie will be heading to Uganda on a medical missions trip with City Church in mid September. They will be visiting orphanages and doing medical clinics. At the end of their trip they will visit my cousin Rachel and her family and also get a chance to visit Edith at Home of Hope. They are excited to serve and if you would feel inclined and be willing to give toward their trip we would be grateful. Click to give HERE.

Thanks for celebrating Viv's 1000 days with us!

Vivien's Influence...

Well we have always known that God has a purpose for Vivien here. He has done much in our hearts and lives through her.  She has touched many through her life.

Recently we have felt, more than ever that God is showing us what He is going to do through her life. When Edith Lukawbe left our house a couple weeks ago, she left us in wide eyed wonder and amazement at all that God is doing because of Vivien's influence and place in our life.

Many of you know that we were made aware of Edith through my cousin Rachel. Rachel originally went to Uganda to help children with special needs. She met her husband there and now lives  and she and her husband are raising funds to build a hospital. She would visit Edith at Home of Hope every couple of months to help out and visit with her. Home of Hope has 55 children who have been abandoned because of their special needs. In Uganda children with special needs are considered curses and even the mothers who bear them are considered "cursed". If the child has epilepsy, they are often believed to be demon possessed.

Edith had a son with special needs and through a long set of semi-miraculous circumstances (I wish all of you could hear her incredible story) ended up starting Home of Hope, a place for children with special needs where they can be fed, cared for, given medicine and physical therapy and most of all loved.

We were made aware of Home of Hope through Rachel and thinking of of Vivien and her special needs we sent a monetary gift to them at Christmastime (which came from my Granny Melquist). What we didn't know at the time was what desperate straits Home of Hope was in and how timely the gift was.

In early February, Edith contacted us saying that an organization in the US (Embrace Kulture) was sponsoring her to come to the US to raise funds for the expansion of their home. She asked if she could meet with us and if we would have any opportunity to help. She introduced us to Christa Preston who founded Embrace Kulture and was setting up her schedule. We found out that Edith would be in San Francisco at the end of March and since we had some credit card air miles, we offered to fly Edith up here and help with some of the fundraising.

Edith had never been to the US until now. What we didn't know is that Edith was praying about asking someone in America to possibly start up a non-profit or foundation so that Home of Hope could have a US base, as well as a Ugandan base. Embrace Kulture is its own non-profit and was generously hosting Edith, but sending money to Home of Hope in Uganda is a bit of a complicated process as we had found out in December. She was praying about who to ask to start up a US base. We had been on her mind but she was praying for confirmation.

When she arrived and laid eyes on Vivien, she was amazed. Apparently we hadn't thought to tell her that we had a child with special needs and when she saw that we had Vivien she felt like God confirmed it in her heart to ask us. It was evident to us that she was completely enamored with Vivien and we loved watching her interact with her.

As she sat down with us, and told us her story we were awed by all that God has done to bring about Home of Hope and our hearts were drawn to wanting to help her more and in any way we could. A friend of ours had brought up the fact that it would be good for Edith to have financial oversight and a US presence so it had already been on our minds.

We truly felt like God was at work. As we discussed the possibility of starting up a non-profit, God started opening doors and a friend happened to give us the name of a woman who helps with non-profits and another woman who helps churches and organizations with 501c3 statuses. So we are now in the process of learning about how we can do this for Home of Hope.

We enjoyed our 4 days with Edith. She had speaking engagements and meetings several times a day each day she was here.  She spoke at both services at Redeemer Eastside on Sunday.  It was busy but we did get to take her on a quick 3 hour sightseeing trip to Seattle Monday morning and let her experience the Space Needle. We are grateful for all the opportunities she had while she was here, and grateful to Christa and Embrace Kulture for getting the ball rolling.

We truly feel like God has used Vivien to broaden what He has for us and we are excited about what He is going to do through all of this. But there was one point in the conversation that caused us to praise Him and to believe that He has connected our lives with Edith's in an inexplicable way.

After Edith told us her story, we were talking more about her son and asking her questions. Derek lived 14 years with special needs and was Edith's motivation to start Home of Hope. I asked her how long ago he died and she told me 2014. I asked when in 2014 and somehow I just knew she was going to say, "September." She did. As we talked more, we realized that they day that they put Derek's body in the ground and both celebrated and mourned his life, was the same day that we were celebrating Vivien's entrance into the world. She was born the day of his funeral. We do believe that God has truly connected our life with Edith's and has a plan for what He is going to do and how he is going to help Vivien have a small part in helping more children like her, even if it is across the world.

If you'd like to help Home of Hope expand we have almost reached the goal and there is about 2 weeks left to give to the crowd fund.You can give here. http://help-edith-expand-home-of-hope.causevox.com/

Thank you to all of you who have supported through prayer and giving generously and coming to the events.  Also thank you to those who contributed cloth diapers!  We were able to send Edith home with 2 big suitcases full and hopefully Todd and Maggie will be able to bring more in the fall.  As a side note, when Edith traveled to LA with the suitcases there was a mix up about the cost of the baggage.  The flight attendant, after finding it out told Edith that she didn't need to worry about the cost.  Edith replied to this effect, "I think God made you do that,"  The attendant smiled and said back, "Amen!"  It's so fun to watch God work.

We would appreciate your prayers as we go through a learning curve of setting up a non-profit, a 501c3 and a giving website for Home of Hope.

In the meantime we are celebrating what God is doing through the life of our little girl and how he has used her to continue to touch others lives in ways we never dreamed of.

Lastly we want to share this little video we took of Vivien recently. We'd never given her a baby doll before but Maggie was playing with her and we were amazed by her response. She played with her for quite a while and we've never seen her respond to a toy quite like this!  Enjoy!