A real trip to Hawaii, Idols and Good Gifts

I have been reflecting on our recent trip to Hawaii, our trip home from Hawaii in December and a trip I took with Silas and Maggie and one of their friends for SIlas’s birthday.  I love / sometimes don’t love the truth of the Bible that God says He is a “jealous God”.  I love / sometimes don’t love the fact that He doesn’t want anything to come between Him and us and our love.  He is personal.  He arranges circumstances to remind us of this at times.  I have known for a while that he has been putting his finger the trips and vacations in my life and asking me to submit them to him and be careful not to make them idols.

With Todd and I coming home from our Hawaii trip in December we wondered if we should move forward with our Hawaii trip that we had planned with the kids this April.  After recovering from covid and evaluating my mom’s health, Joseph and Vivien’s health and the caregivers we had, we went back and forth about what we should do.

Todd offered to stay home and let me go alone with all the kids for the full time, but his Dad and Step-Mom were coming and I wanted him to be able to enjoy the experience and the time with them.  I could have sent him with the kids with him and stayed home but after praying and wishing and hoping and dreaming for a Hawaii experience with the kids for years, that might have sent me over the edge.  

We thought about canceling the whole thing as well but in the end, we decided that Todd and I would take the younger girls for the first week as planned and then he would go home for the second week instead of staying and letting my mom take care of the girls.  The younger two would go home with him, Maggie and Silas would join me and I would get to stay the whole time.  In return for this, when summer came, he would be the one to go to Seaside and Maggie Lake, our regularly planned trips and I would stay home with Joseph and Vivien only coming for a small amount of the time that we could get caregivers and use respite hours.

We were thinking about having my mom come to Hawaii, but it was complicated as Silas was planning on participating in a speech tournament and she was going to stay with the younger girls.  At the last minute, with his decision to do a summer internship a few weeks later and life getting busy, he decided to pass on the speech tournament and stay in Hawaii for the full week.  

This enabled Todd to be home full time for the second week instead of traveling with Silas, which freed up my Mom to come along with Maggie and Silas, thanks to Maggie’s suggestion - with one day's notice.  My mom is the queen of spur of the moment spontaneity, quickly pivoted and packed.  She was thrilled, we were thrilled and it worked out perfectly to have her there with Maggie, SIlas, Richard, Linda and I.

Details aside, we truly had a great time while we were there and I loved exploring the beautiful Island of Maui with the kids and Todd.  The rooms we booked were gorgeous and peaceful and huge and thanks to our timeshare I got a pretty super deal that felt both luxurious and relaxing.

Before we’d adopted Joseph, one of the last vacations we took was a trip with the whole family including Vivien was one of the most meaningful to me.  I loved being with the kids and grandparents, everything went smoothly, we connected well.  I know that everyone loves vacations - but I’m a little extra in this department.

Todd has often joked that “Hawaii” is the other man in my life.  I run the vacation portion of our budget, attend a lot of timeshare presentations to get free stays, use air miles and credit card reward points and squeeze every bit out of our allotment as I possibly can.  I love vacations because my love language is time and I love having the kids to myself for a whole week.  My personality is also one that loves exploring and adventure and vacations can be full of this as well.

I admit that trips and vacations can definitely be an idol in my life.  And I feel like lately God has reminded me, without being too harsh or completely taking them away, that my focus needs to be renewed, things of the earth will not satisfy and I need, as always, to hold things I love with an open hand.  I need to put vacations in their proper place.

First of all I always think that no matter how stressful it is to plan, a trip is worth it despite the hassle.  But this trip, with three caregivers, different schedules, different types of hours (personal and respite) and all of the airline and hotel and car plans - took literally hours and hours of planning for weeks ahead of time.  

There were parts that were stressful even after we got there, because of phone calls and questions from home and school.  There were hiccups, phone calls from the caregivers who needed to switch shifts and emails to the case managers to fix and change some of the hours. 

I was managing things from afar some of the time and as the first week went by Joseph was having some trouble with vomiting, after going months with no issues.  By the time Todd got back after the first week, it got so bad that he had to take him into urgent care.  They got meds for him and he recovered well, but it was super stressful for Todd. We joke about the difficulty in “re-entry” after a trip and this one was a little extra.  So much so that he felt like he didn’t want to do another big trip for a long time because it didn’t feel worth it.

Silas and I tandem Jumping ^

We had several things that happened in Hawaii that also made things difficult.  First of all, I was disappointed and embarrassed by the fact that I didn’t realize that when I booked Richard and Linda a one bedroom instead of a two bedroom how different the rooms were.  Most timeshares don’t have a huge difference in view and size between 1 and 2 bedrooms, but apparently this one was different.  Our room had a gorgeous ocean view.  They had a second story view of the parking lot and another building.  We had huge rooms and theirs was tiny by comparison.  They were SUCH good sports and had good attitudes, spending a lot of the vacation teasing me about our “castle” and their “dungeon”, but we shared meals up in ours and sat on our lanai together almost every night.  I was thankful that despite my poor planning, they still enjoyed themselves.

There were also relational issues, one in particular between the younger girls and another between one child and I.  We had a hard conversation that was both hurtful and frustrating.  I made a huge mom-error halfway through the week, with this child though, and somehow this error by God’s grace, helped restore our relationship. They not only forgave me, but to my relief,  good naturedly teased me about it the rest of the time and despite our long “discussion” earlier in the week, the last few days with them were full of laughter, and good memories.  

In addition to this there was the whole “time away with kids is a trip not a vacation” and though Todd and I had a good time, it wasn’t like our anniversary trip to the Columbia River Gorge where we got to focus more on each other.

We did get to take a date to Big Beach and I wanted to explore and see Little Beach on the other side as well, only accessible by hiking over a hill.  There is a picture in a guidebook that I have of the coast, from the air, and the hill you climb to get from one beach to another.  I’d been gazing at that picture in longing for the past several years wishing to explore.  

I couldn’t wait to go and as Todd and I made our way over the hill from one beach to the other, was a big sign as you go across that says, “no nudity” but to our chagrin and my laughter, as we crossed over the hill and made our way down to the beach we quickly retraced our steps realizing that we would not fit in at Little Beach.  

I laughed so hard and Todd was just uncomfortable but it was neither glamourous or beautiful.  In fact, there were very few people under the age 40 or or 50 and even though we only had a glimpse, it was definitely not an experience I would want to repeat.  Unseeing things like a lot of wrinkles and tattoos on senior citizens in their birthday suits is impossible.  I laughed all the way back!

The younger girls and I had fun exploring while Todd relaxed at the condo, and it was so fun to see their wonder, despite my mistake of taking them on a too-long hike to Iva’s consternation and there were a few tears.  However, at the end of it she was so exhausted she was laughing at everything so I redeemed myself by joking around with her.  

I did have a wonderful time exploring with the girls and we also did a few things together as a family like visiting the Maui Ocean Center, celebrating Grandma Linda’s birthday in Lahaina and of course pool time.  

Maggie and I did the Road to Hana together and we both loved the beautiful places we got to see.  One of the things we did involved a spectacular cliff jump (my favorite thing to do) and the prettiest scenery in a truly remote spot not too well known to tourists that ended up being my favorite part of the trip. I had read about it, and had been wishing and dreaming about it for almost 5 years.  

Todd and I didn’t go to this when we took the Road to Hana for our 15th wedding anniversary several years ago and when I took the younger girls on this trip, we ended up doing other things.  But Maggie and I chanced to find someone going there as we parked along the road and tried to figure out how to find it. I truly don’t think we would have found it without asking them if we could follow them.  It was gorgeous and the combination of lush, beautiful, slightly dangerous and yet peaceful was my favorite thing I did and experiencing it with Maggie was the cherry on top.  We jumped together at different spots.  

I was also thankful that we were able to arrange with the caregivers that when Maggie and Silas arrived on Maui in the middle of our time, the following day Todd and the girls didn’t have to leave until around 4:00 in the afternoon, so we got a full morning and afternoon as a family with all 4 kids together with the Grandparents.  

We went out for breakfast and as everyone was chatting and enjoying themselves, Maggie looked over at me and said, “Mom are you crying!?!”  I had to admit that I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, feeling both so grateful to God for this gift, of being all together despite the brevity, and simultaneously wishing it could last longer.  We did a family photo shoot late that morning and the kids went swimming at the resort pool before I left to take Todd, Lucie and Iva to the airport.

Overall we did have a beautiful time.  We spent time shopping in Lahaina with Richard and Linda and enjoyed ice cream with the older kids.  We cliff jumped black rock with some of our cousins who happened to be there at the same time,  and went back later, just Silas and Maggie and I and did some more, including Silas and I tandem jumping which I loved.  My mom had a wonderful time as well and we left with our hearts full of thankfulness for a beautiful trip.

But at the same time I knew that God was allowing some of these hiccups to remind me that no matter how much planning I do, no matter how thrifty I am, no matter if we are in the most beautiful place in the world, there a

re still relationship issues, there are still circumstantial difficulties, sick kids and He is the one who satisfies.  Paradise is not always paradise.  No amount of planning can make things perfect on earth.  No idol is ever going to meet up or match with HIs goodness.  I am thankful for His “good gift” he gave us on this trip but I also knew that He was reminding me that the Giver is more important than the gift.  

It is interesting because the other time I cried during the trip was when we attended church together on Easter Sunday.  The service was nice and it was outdoors and lovely, but as soon as the music started, I found myself swallowing tears.  There is something about being in the house of God and remembering that He is the one who truly satisfies.

That said,  we don’t have a lot of trips planned for next year as a result of some of the stress and hassle, and everyone (except me of course) is a little gun shy about even thinking about it at this point, which makes me sad, but reminds me that God is in control of the future and I need to continue to hold things I love with an open hand and heart.  

I am thankful for His reminders of this to me to not make idols out of his good gifts, and to trust Him for what the future holds.  He loves me so much that He wants to be first and I am thankful for this reminder in my life and thankful for this long awaited good gift of enjoying Hawaii with my family.