Adoption Saga Part 8 - Meeting Joseph!

Our adoption saga part one begins here and I am almost caught up to present day!  This is about when I got to meet Joseph in January of 2018.

Joseph

I arrived in Uganda at around 2:00 in the afternoon Sunday, Jan 21st. Because I was meeting a friend afterwards to spend a few days in Europe, we flew together to London, had a long layover with the plan to do a little sightseeing and then I'd continue on to Uganda. We had a wonderful day, then more flying and I ended up reaching Uganda with about four hours sleep in 40 hrs. Needless to say I was a little loopy. 

I met the driver that Myriam (the lady from the adoption agency) sent for me and we were off to our first hotel. The plan was to stay the night in Kampala and then Myriam would find a driver to take us to Jinja to meet Joseph. I actually felt a little embarrassed when I talked with Myriam because I had such a hard time tracking and even having a decent conversation, forgetting things that seemed very simple.  I could hardly wait for bed.   But before bed I got to meet Brenda.

Brenda, Me, Myriam

Several years ago we started sponsoring Brenda through an organization started by a pastor at City Church, now Churchome in Kirkland. Todd and Maggie met her last the last time they were here. She is soft-spoken, beautiful, sweet and affectionate. Ivan and Linda who help care for those orphans in the organization brought her and came with us to dinner and they were wonderful people. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at a place Myriam found for us. I have prayed for Brenda so long and it was so wonderful to actually see her in the flesh instead of just pictures. She is working hard at school and has aspirations in the medical field. I loved meeting her.

Bed was glorious and I woke up the following morning feeling fairly decent for how long I'd been awake during my travels. We headed out at 10:00am for Jinja and to meet Joseph at Home of Hope. On the way there though, we found out that Edith thought we were coming the following day. She was excited to have us coming sooner, but was meeting with Joseph's probation officer that afternoon. Myriam felt this was perfect because she needed us to meet with him as well. He would need to sign the some of the first documents we needed for the adoption so instead of going to Home of Hope, we met Edith in town and then to see Mr. Opio, the probation officer.

I came in thinking it was just a meeting, but I didn't really realize the significance. It didn't seem to start well. Mr. Opio talked with us about how he was the one who had the power to allow us to foster Joseph. He said that he would see if we were fit to care for him. He told us the law says that we have to be there for a year and live with him. He also quoted us a price to do the paperwork. In addition to this, I believe Myriam told me later that I crossed my legs and apparently that is a sign of disrespect (too causal?) in Uganda. I'll remember next time.

But as I realized that this was not going as well as I'd hoped, I began to pray like crazy.... Myriam,  remained polite and knowledgeable. As they talked, she mentioned the exceptional circumstances clause and other parts of the law and was able to firmly but kindly negotiate a price as well as an understanding about what was required.

Basically afterwards she explained to me that he went from saying that we have to foster, to we have to visit, to we have to visit and if were fit we might even get a court date in less than a year. They talked a bit about the price and together they found an amount that she felt like they could agree on. She thanked Mr. Opio as she left and he gave us the paperwork I needed to fill out and sign. We left with a verbal agreement that we could come back the next day and bring the paperwork, along with Joseph for a picture with him and he would sign. Afterwards as we talked Myriam said that she was surprised that we got as far as we did, even with the paperwork in hand that we needed.

I was so thankful to God for the way it ended. One thing that seemed frustrating at first was that the "year" of fostering begins when everything is signed. Even though Todd had met Joseph in September, it didn't count as the start of the year. If he had seen Mr. Opio then, it would have shortened the process. I felt like it was an opportunity missed, but after understanding, I realized that it was a blessing in disguise because Myriam knew how to negotiate. She also understood the law according to Hague principles and if any money is exchanged in the wrong way, we could violate that and lose any opportunity. So in retrospect, God was (of course) at work and it was a blessing that Todd did not go to see Mr. Opio back in September.

The way the "system" in Uganda works, is once Edith's home is registered with the Ministry of Gender (and even before), children are given to her to care for when they have disabilities and are abandoned. If someone finds them, the police can bring them to her, and hold her accountable to take care of them, but she is not given any money to care for them which is unfortunate. Mr. Opio is responsible for those children in his district and Edith does the district a great service by caring for them. Mr. Opio often brings dignitaries to see Home of Hope and all they are doing. The one thing Home of Hope did get from the government was a cow to give the children milk and apparently Mr. Opio lobbied hard for this for her and Edith was grateful.

It was late afternoon by the time we finished with Mr. Opio and actually drove to Home of Hope. It was much as Todd had described and the pictures I'd seen. Colorful murals dotted the wall around the compound and as we entered the main area there were children everywhere, those with the ability to walk or scoot around coming out to greet us and others lying on plastic mats on the floor.

Almost as soon as I walked in Edith brought me Joseph. He is a beautiful, happy boy who seemed delighted to see me. As I held him, his head was the largest thing about his body and because of the cerebral palsy, his head needed support. He is long and thin and maneuvering him was a bit difficult but he seemed very happy to be in my arms. I said "hi" to him at the beginning and he answered with a very clear "hi" back. I got to bring him into Edith's office for a little time alone with him and we had a little conversation in jibberish back and forth for a bit with lots of smiles. He was clean and well cared for.

I had been so focused on Joseph that I didn't really notice a couple of other people who were in the office with me. There was a boy that I recognized and as I looked at him it dawned on me. His name was Blessing and I knew him through pictures because his mother and I have become good friends online. Elizabeth is a sweet woman that I'd met in a cerebral palsy Facebook group. We have talked a lot online and she wanted to see me when came to Africa. She traveled by bus all the way from Kenya to meet me. It was so amazing to see her face to face and meet her boy, Blessing, who is Joseph's age and has cerebral palsy as well. She cares for her son so well and loves him fiercely.

Joseph and I, Elizabeth and Blessing

Edith showed us around Home of Hope and to see the land that they were able to purchase with the funds raised by many of you who are reading this, as well as the house in the process of being built to expand Home of Hope. We even got to see the washing machine that has saved their staff lot of time and energy, thank to a generous donor from our church. It was amazing to meet all the children who I'd seen pictures of online and heard about from Todd. So many familiar faces that I now know in person.

Rashida

Timothy

Prosse

The twins

Myriam was admittedly overwhelmed. In her adoption work, she has seen many orphanages, but there are few like Edith's that will take children with disabilities as opposed to healthy children. She was impressed however, by the care and work that Edith and her staff are doing with the resources they have.

I also got to meet the staff worker at Home of Hope who found Joseph.

Edith, Joseph, Me, Mr. Opio

The following day I was able to bring Joseph to my hotel room and spend time with he and Elizabeth and Blessing on our own. We did go see Mr. Opio and he did sign the forms. Myriam was again, quite pleased by how well it went and I really believe that God's hand was in this.  We took pictures, as we will always do to document our visits with Mr. Opio.

Edith had a meeting in the afternoon so she brought us back to the hotel and Joseph, Elizabeth, Blessing and I had the afternoon together. Spending the day with Joseph without Edith was an experience. We were able to order some mashed potatoes and baked beans for he and Blessing to eat and I had an opportunity to care for him, change his diaper, and feed him, which was a bit of a challenge. The physical therapist at Home of Hope had showed me the night before how to hold him in the most effective way for eating but it was still difficult. I was thinking a high chair at home will be a bit easier but we did it.

He was the happiest smiling-est, content little boy. We exchanged a million grins and there was one time, as I was feeding him, that he got the giggles. He was laughing so hard that he was squeaking. He made me laugh back. I'd brought a couple of small toys for him to look at, one that lit up and made sounds and he was very interested.

Elizabeth and I

Elizabeth and I talked about some of the things that she has been through with having a child with a disability in Africa. She brought gifts of shoes that she had made for the whole family and I had brought her some things from America as well. I know it was a huge sacrifice for her to make them for all of us. She'd asked for the sizes ahead of time and they were beautiful sandals.

Edith, Joseph, Richard

When it was almost diner time, Edith came and picked us up and we went back to Home of Hope for the final time to say goodbye. I got to meet Edith's husband Richard who I hadn't met before. He was a gentle, smiling man who I believe is very proud of his wife and helpful in the cause. I said good bye to the staff and to some of the children I was beginning to know by name. One little girl who was deaf, Harriett, was so sweet. I was able to sign for her a bit. There were two girls who were twins with autism who wanted their picture taken. When I showed them the picture on my camera, they laughed like it was the most hilarious joke ever.

Most of the children had eaten their dinner, and they brought me food for Joseph and I fed him for the last time and then it was time to put him to bed.

As I put him into bed the most extraordinary thing happened. Edith had been telling Joseph that I am going to be his mama. She says that the staff joke with Joseph, calling him, "American Boy" and they tell him to not forget them when he travels to America. Of course he can't comprehend this completely, but as I put him to bed, I smiled at him, and said, "bye bye" cheerfully. To my surprise, his lower lip came out and the corners of his mouth pointed down. He swallowed a few times and I could tell that he was trying to be brave and hold back tears. I exclaimed, "oh are you sad? I have to go, but I am going to come back. It will be a long time but I will come back." I prayed for him and then went out to see Edith.

Joseph's Bed

I exclaimed, "He understands! He knows what is going on and is sad that I am leaving!" I had no idea that he would understand and how smart he was. I had been thinking he was just enjoying the attention of a stranger and the toys and the hotel, but I didn't expect him to actually miss ME.

I couldn't resist peeking at him one more time and giving him one more love. As I said good bye again, the corners of his mouth went down and his lips quivered. I prayed for him again and then left, but as I was talking with Edith, we heard one of the children crying. When we went into his room, we discovered it was Joseph. He was arching his back and big sobs were coming out of his body. He was almost screaming. Oh my heart! I picked him up out of his bed and held him and he immediately calmed down. I know that he was most likely he was over tired from the long day of going places that he doesn't usually go. It was a lot of excitement for a little boy who rarely leaves Home of Hope. I knew that this was an extreme response but my heart sank and I felt physically ill leaving him.

I again said goodbye, telling him that I would be back and prayed for him and told him I loved him. This time instead of putting him into bed, I gave him to Olivia, one of the workers who had spent time with us that day. Instead of screaming he just cried softly and settled down quickly in her arms. I will never forget his face when the corners of his mouth turned down like that.

I went out to the lobby and cried a bit myself, and prayed for him some more. Edith told me later that Joseph almost never cries. It is very rare. She said that he must love me, because even when there are workers at the home that he doesn't like, he won't eat for them. My heart was heavy, but at the same time touched that he had attached to me in such a short time and it did something in my heart that wasn't there before.

You see that afternoon, as I played with him at the hotel and fed him, I was really struggling emotionally. I felt homesick and tired and a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation and what was ahead. I knew I was choosing Joseph and that I loved him, but it wasn't an instantaneous emotional bond. He was a little boy that I didn't really know. While I was caring for him and playing with him and doing my best to love him, it didn't feel deeply emotional and it felt like lots of work. I knew what we signed up for and I was ready for it, but at the same time I was struggling with doubt. In retrospect, I believe that God is real, but I also believe that the enemy of our souls is also real and he was trying to attack my thoughts and discourage me. I kept reminding myself of what God had spoken to us and all that He had done. I knew that this was His work and that Joseph was his gift to us. Joseph's name means God's gift / increase. I believed that in my heart but it was still a struggle to continue to believe the truth.

But that evening, that hesitancy and doubt went away. Seeing his little body racked with sobs and seeing that love that he has for me already did something in my heart. The nausea in my stomach at having to leave him was real and my heart was being drawn to this little boy. I knew that God was working, that He had good plans for us and he was moving me a very real way to love Joseph - not just by choice but fully in my soul and my emotions. It made me want to deal with whatever necessary to bring him home. I felt so badly for him, but at the same time, I knew that God was already bringing our hearts together and as we drove away I had a deep sense of gratefulness for what God was doing in my heart and what He was going to do in this journey.

I am praying for the right amount of attachment over the next year as we come to visit. I want him to feel loved, but at the same time I don't want him traumatized when I leave. I am praying for God to help his heart (and ours) during this waiting period.

We left Uganda with a plan in place after talking with Myriam and Edith. We want to help Mr. Opio see that we are "fit" to care for Joseph and this translates into with seeing him several times in the next year. Todd would go in March, then I would return in May with my cousin Rachel and stay with them, and then Todd and Maggie will go back in October again with Churchome. These visits will both teach us how to care for him, and also be good for documentation for our "fostering". As of that signed paper by Mr. Opio, we have temporal custody of Joseph to "foster" him by visiting him throughout the year and we are now his guardians.

I am excited for the opportunity to go again. Uganda, though there is a lot of poverty and the cities can be dirty and crowded, is a very beautiful country. With its lush countryside, rolling hills, palm trees and tropical greenery it reminds me quite a bit of Hawaii without the water. Maggie says she loves Uganda so much she wants to live there. I am grateful for this experience and excited to go back and see Home of Hope and Edith (who I am so proud of). But mostly I am excited to eventually bring Joseph home!

Our next visit to see Joseph came in the form of Todd traveling by himself in March. While he was there we received some surprising and exciting news....