The Value, Beauty and Impact of A Baby's Life - and Vivien's First Road Trip!

Thank you so much for praying for Vivien. We continue to be amazed by how her little body is handling things. Her cold lasted about a week and a half and we were able to discontinue the nebulizer. Again, we are thanking God for her immune system, which seems to be working well. This is such a huge blessing, especially since she has four siblings who are very active and good little share-rs of germs. We are grateful that though she has had a couple colds, she has come out on the other side well. We are planning on taking her to our church for the first time either on Palm Sunday or Easter.

Personally, I am feeling a bit like the clouds have parted again and I can see some sun in the distance. Just being able to discontinue the nebulizer has been a relief and added at least an hour of time to my day. We know in September when I stop pumping, it will free up somewhere around 20 hours a week! I am still having "moments" (if you've seen” Mom's Night Out” you know what I'm talking about), but overall I am feeling more hopeful.

One experience we had lately has again made me grateful. It caused us to remember that however short a person's life is on earth, they can make a lasting impact, no matter how small they are. Todd, Vivien and I recently got to attend the service for Noah (link). We were so blessed by the service, by Noah's parents and by his small life. He reminded us of the importance of both loving and being loved, which Noah did well.

Noah's mommy, Laura and I had been I contact shortly after Vivien and Noah were born, about a month apart. We'd met on a T-18 Facebook page and when we realized they were local we developed an online friendship. Noah and Vivien had surgery the same week at Children's and though it didn't work out to meet, we texted and followed one another on FB.

When Noah passed away a couple weeks ago, it was a surprise to all. I felt a kinship for Vivien and Noah-almost as if Noah was her brother - and so wanted to go to his service, despite two other things our family had going on that day. We were so glad we were able to make it. Seeing the strength and faith of Noah's parents was a huge blessing to us.

Watching Pete and Laura interact with one another and those who came to the service was beautiful. From their eulogies and letters to Noah, read through their tears, it was obvious they loved their son deeply, yet at the same time, I kept thinking of a phrase from I Thess 4:13 where Scripture says that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. They were sincere, heartfelt and truthful about their grief for Noah but they had this amazing presence, joy and gratefulness in celebrating his life. There was hope there. His death affected them greatly, but they were not completely devastated by it. There was no despair or hint of bitterness toward God. Their hope was based on the truth of heaven and on who Jesus is.

I was recently reading "Life Is ___" by Judah Smith and he reminds us, "You've probably faced firsthand the frailty of life. Maybe you're going through terrible loss even now.... What are we going to do with the frailty of life?... Optimism? The power of the human spirit? Positive thinking and hard work and the human spirit but they do not change the unpredictability of our existence. How about faith?... Can faith and trust and prayer and religion and good works save us from life's frailty? Again the answer is no. In themselves, these things have no power. Faith must be placed in something greater than itself. Don't put your faith in your faith or your trust in your trust. It sounds spiritual and religious but it's nothing more than empty humanism. Faith is not to be admired. It is not a merit badge to show off.  Faith  is meant to be plunged into the abyss and the darkness of life's uncertainty until it anchors in a sure foundation and a solid Savior. Our faith is in Jesus. None of these things are a guarantee of security or peace. Our faith is in a Person.... What is our ultimate source of sanity, security and peace? Jesus is our only hope."

Many say that losing a child is a pain like no other in life. Yet Pete and Laura had this wonderful grasp of the reality of where Noah is right now and how truly happy he is. We mourn for our loss of Noah. But we don't mourn for Noah himself, knowing that he is the happiest he has ever been and ever will be, enjoying LIFE with Jesus like he would never experience on earth. Pete and Laura grieve for themselves but celebrated Noah's life, truly trusting God. There was a beautiful strength and spirit there that I knew was from Jesus.

Also hearing the tributes to Noah by many besides his parents who loved him and hearing how he had touched their lives and made such an impact on them was a beautiful reminder. There is power, importance and value in his life - and every little baby's life.

I had worried a little about bringing Vivien because I didn't want to cause Laura or Pete any pain in seeing her. All the pictures of Noah remind us so much of Vivien. Laura wrote the sweetest thing on my facebook page. She said, "I have to be truthful and tell you I had my reservations about meeting Vivien today, I didn't know how my heart would take it. But oh..my..gosh! Am I so glad you brought her! My heart could have burst with the immediate love I felt towards her, you, and your family. She is the most precious thing I've ever wanted to snuggle! I hope to see her again soon, and maybe meet your other little blessings. Thank you so much for coming today and bringing Viv! It was so much more healing then I anticipated."

Vivien's diagnosis has opened our world in many ways, not the least of which is beautiful, friendships with those who are walking the same journey as we are. We are s grateful for all that God is doing through her life.

And in the midst of this journey, Jesus hears our prayers and meets our needs, sometimes before we even realize them. On the home-front - our adorable, funny little Iva turns 3 this July.

She is tall for her age and though I know that many children don't potty train until they are three, I knew it needed to be done soon. Todd has been working with her some and "encouraging" me to as well, but with everything going on with Vivien, I haven't felt I had the bandwidth to even try because of the time and energy it takes. So I have been praying lately that God would just cause her to start asking to go and show an interest on her own. He probably sensed my quiet desperation and decided to help a girl out because about a week ago, she began to ask more and as of a couple of days ago, she has been staying dry and even getting up in the middle of the night and asking to go. I love that we can pray specifically and that He answers specifically, caring for us even in the small things.

We were also able to go on a trip to Eastern Washington to visit my relatives and my Granny who turns 100! this month.  We weren't sure whether we were brave or crazy or stupid or a little bit of all three to take 5 kids 5 hrs across the state, figuring out how to pump and keep up with Vivien's feeds and pack all of her many accessories at the same time. Getting out of the house alone was enough to nearly put both Todd and I into the looney bin and narrowly escape needing an anger management course but we made it. We were thankful for the Grandparent's help as well.

It was fun to have my sister and her family along too because I now have a new brother-in-law.  Anna married her longtime boyfriend in a surprise wedding last week and I am happy to introduce her now as Mrs. Myers!

As Todd and I were driving home recounting the trip, we knew it was definitely worth the effort. It was so wonderful to see all of our relatives, to attend Gran's birthday and for the kids to play outside exploring the countryside and playing games with the cousins all day long. I always joke that I miss my kids when we come to Pomeroy because I never see them until nighttime. Iva and Lucie were toted around piggy back and anytime Iva was inside she entertained the adults with her funny little ways.

Throughout birthday party, Todd sat beside Gran with Vivien in his lap and Gran just kept her finger out and Vivien's little fingers wrapped around it. As Todd's Dad (who came along) said, "It was so fun to see the oldest and the youngest together," loving on each other.

Throughout the weekend, Vivien was held and loved and admired. Even during the times when she was sitting in her little chair, I'd look around at everyone chatting and notice that someone was just sitting gazing into her face, or talking softly or singing to her. One of my cousins' girls probably spent an hour singing to her as she slept. Another cousin was telling Todd how he prayed for Vivien and held up the picture of her on the screen saver on his phone. The intensity of their love for her made us feel so grateful for our family.

We felt very blessed by the love of the community too. When we went to the facility where Gran lives, people recognized Vivien right away. And when we went to church to celebrate with Gran, the pastor surprised us by calling us up to the front, introducing Vivien to the congregations as the "miracle baby" that they have been praying for, and then laying hands on us and Gran and thanking God for what He has done. Once again, we realize how many people have prayed for Vivien that we haven't even met.

In another God wink - He again worked things together for good in our lives. Todd returned to the car last week to find a note on the windshield and a dent in our side door. He brought the car in to get it fixed this week and found that we'd receive a loaner in it's place, paid for by insurance. When he explained our situation with Vivien, the kids and our upcoming travels, he was able to get this!

It was wonderful to have a larger car to take, with more room and the ability to bring my mom in our car instead of having to take hers. Once again, Jesus met our needs and turned an annoying situation into a huge blessing.

Overall, this last week has definitely been better than the previous couple with Vivien. We are so glad to see her feeling better. Now we are working on figuring out her feeds as she is learning to eat on a bolus (several times a day) feeding schedule rather than a continuous one. It has been wonderful to have more times when she is not attached by tube to a pole. Please pray for wisdom as she has been spitting up some and we want to figure out the amount she needs and what she can handle while still allowing her to grow.

She had her first food taste and though it was small, she appeared to like . She has received her hearing aid (which she is wearing in her headband here) and it's fun to see her respond to our voices (and nice to take it off when the kids get too loud.)   She had her 6 month check up, is height and weight proportionate, is almost 12 pounds and is doing great without any medication. The doctor said if she continues to grow this well, she may even be on the charts by 9 months.

Thank you for your prayers for her and for us. We know that God is listening and He is faithful!