Merry Musings: 12.11

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Our Love Story

Hi Friends - When we were first married, we wrote up our whole Courtship story. It's more like a book than a blogpost, but I thought we should add it here. I had some online friends who were writing up their stories recently, and thought I'd direct them here rather than try to rewrite one. It is funny, because in re-reading what we have written, I can see that we were young and our writing has evolved a bit. If we were writing it now, I think we'd be a little more candid, and less flowery, but here it is. Enjoy!

Our Story
Todd & Molly Merry

Before you begin reading this story, we want to make it clear that though it sounds "perfect" it took place in two very "imperfect" people. God worked in a very specific way as He drew us together. God will not always work this way! He is an interactive God who initiates to us as individuals. We are grateful for the work He has done and the opportunity to record it and share it with you. We pray for the people, especially the singles who read this.

It would be best to say that this story really began in the “Plan of Ages”. We are confident that nothing has taken place without the hand of God, and we believe this to be true for all couples united under the name of Jesus Christ.

Todd: I learned at an early age the important role that a man plays in a family. My parents divorced when I was six, my little sister and

I lived with our Mom and had a good relationship with our Dad.
This gave me a good opportunity to grow up quickly; I was eager to carry out the duties of a man around the house. I also became excited to one day lead a family, presenting a holy bride before God, leading children by example to be people who are passionate for God and His Truth.

Our story starts in the summer of 1997 on a retreat at Orcas Island. A friend of mine and I had planned this for the post-grads in our church. This was the first time I had really ever met Molly. During the second day, we were all out on the lake, paddling around on inflatable rafts. It was a bright, sunny day, great for boating. We had about five of us in our raft, one of whom was Molly. Spending the day with five people in close proximity out the in middle of a lake allows you to learn more about each other. We didn’t really talk deep about anything in our little group, but I could tell that Molly was different from some of the other ladies I knew. I immediately had a high respect for her because I could tell that she guarded her heart. Not only did I think she was cute, but she was also very chaste and maintained a respect among all of our group. I could also tell that she was very fun-loving and had an excitement for people and the joys of living a life for God. I was very attracted to her spirit and though I knew I could not pursue a relationship, I really thought a lot of her. I knew that whoever would win her heart would have to work hard for it, she would not hand it out. She was “hard-to-get” and that attracted me to her all the more.

Molly: I too enjoyed that campout when I first got acquainted. While we were there we visited Mt. Constitution, which incidentally, is one of the two places (that's another story) that my dad proposed to my mom.

I knew Todd only by sight before the campout, but during that weekend, Todd stood out to me as a real leader who wanted to follow the Lord. While we were there, we went boating and there were only a couple of boats left with room in them. I was feeling tired and didn't want to row, so I chose the guys' boat that Todd happened to be in, and we really did have a fun afternoon. Initially, in evaluating that weekend, I was attracted to Todd, and thought he was a nice guy, but didn't once think that he was a potential partner. I'd had attractions before, and this was just another attraction that I needed to give to the Lord. There was someone else that I really believed that I was going to marry anyway at the time.

Todd: Even though I had a strong attraction for Molly, I knew that I could not carry out any commitment. At the time, I had just graduated from UW, working full time for an electrical contractor, volunteering for the local Fire Department and considering seminary as well. Needless to say, there was plenty to do and considering a permanent relationship was not the first thing on the list. I still thought of Molly off and on, but I really didn’t see her that often.

In November of 1997, I really felt prompted to write down a list of items I would be looking for in a wife. I knew that it was certainly not the time, but I was aware of how easily I could be moved by emotions and justify weaknesses in a lady that I know were important. We can all be carried away in the excitement of a relationship and disqualify characteristics that would not be God’s best. I wrote down six specific items that I felt were necessary. I had no one in mind when I wrote the list. It was written more as a wish list than anything. These were things I knew would be good, but I was also saying to myself “nobody could fulfill all of these”.

In the spring of 1998, we had a softball game for a friend’s birthday party. I saw Molly there for the first time in a long time. Just seeing her again, reminded me of the lady I knew she was. It seemed to stir that attraction again, and I began giving her some more thought. Later that spring, I was taking the physical portion of a hiring test for Everett Fire Dept. During one part of the test, you need to carry a bundle of hose to the top of a 7-story tower and back down in 72 seconds. I tried over and over in the practice sessions, but couldn’t get below 72-seconds. On the final test, I thought “I’ll just pretend Molly’s at the top”. With her in mind, I ran the fastest I ever did and came well within the time I needed!

Molly: I didn't see Todd a whole lot during the next few months. He is a diligent man and was working 50 hours a week plus volunteering at night at the fire department at that time, and didn't have a whole lot of time for social events. In March of the following year, we both were attending a birthday party for our friend Johnny Luraghi and had a great time playing softball. I played catcher, he played pitcher and I kept a running stream of chatter going. We enjoyed the banter and I came home and wrote in my diary that it was a good thing that he didn't do a whole lot of social things and I wasn't around him a lot, because I'd be head over heels if I wasn’t careful.

Throughout '98 God gave us more opportunities to get to know each other, although I didn't see His purposes right away. There were several ministry projects through our church that we worked on together, some of which he led, and I was able to observe how he works and also his love for people. His spiritual gift is serving, and mine is organizing, and I could see how he really cared about the people we were ministering to, rather than just wanting to get the job done. I was impressed with how he went about leading our group.

Todd: Later that summer, we had the post-grad retreat again, this time at Cape Lookout in Oregon. We had all rented scooters and were cruising around out on the beach. One of the guys had a scooter that wasn’t running all that great; in fact it stalled out on the beach. We all tried starting it for about 10 minutes, but nothing happened. I remember when Molly suggested our group pray that the scooter would start. This impressed me because I saw how she reacted when she was faced with a problem or difficult situation. I was even more impressed when the scooter started right after she finished praying! I thought to myself “This lady has got a close link to God”.

Molly: I too enjoyed the post-grad campout that year, but I came home realizing that this wasn't just a little crush, this was a bigger thing that I needed to deal with. I spent a lot of time crying, talking to my Dad - the Lord - and also my Mom. As I said before, there was someone else that I believed was God's will for me to marry. I was not attracted to this person, I just thought I was going to marry him, and I believed that if that was God's will, He would give me an attraction for this person when the time came. It seems silly when you think about it, but I know that God used it as a protection for me. Because of this belief however, I worked hard to "flee" youthful lusts and avoid Todd, and keep my heart guarded. Also, at this time, I didn't know Todd as well as I do now, and I had some wrong impressions of him, as far as his commitment to the Lord and His ways. I knew that he loved the Lord, but I didn’t see his true character as I know it to be now.

Todd: Not much had been changing in my life. I was still working full time, still trying to get a permanent job with the Fire Dept. I knew that the possibility of a long-term relationship was still out of the question.

Later in 1998, we started a small ensemble that my sister and I had joined. Molly was in the group as well and it gave me more of an opportunity to see her with others. We would sometimes talk, but nothing deep. Still I enjoyed being around her and looked forward to seeing her.

It was sometime in the early spring of 1999 that there was a misunderstanding between Molly and I (or her family and I) that caused me to really do my best to avoid her. It was nothing intentional, but I interpreted it as Molly wishing me to not have a friendship. I was sure that she wanted nothing to do with me and would prefer not to see me ever again. I was still very attracted to her, but I also had a strong respect for her. Granted, this was circumstance only and I really didn’t have a specific word from the Lord, yet I really wanted to honor what I thought her wishes were. I wanted to maintain her good reputation, so I did all I could to not talk to her. I assumed this to be the end of the friendship and figured I would have to get over the attraction.

Molly: The miscommunication that Todd spoke of was a definite death of a vision. There was a lot of crying and pain, and Todd completely withdrew from me, believing that I was not who he thought I was, and that I was not interested in him at all. At this time, all hope was completely gone, and I saw it as a confirmation that Todd was most definitely not God's will for me. I felt as if I hadn't guarded my heart. Now I can see that God was using circumstances to draw my heart closer to Todd's, but allowing me to be purified by pain. God gave me lots of good scripture throughout the year, including Deuteronomy 6 and Deuteronomy 30, which speak of "loving the Lord your God and holding fast to Him." God was teaching me to look to Him alone. I memorized both of these chapters during the year.

He also used this as a time for Todd's sister Jill and I to become friends. We began to talk more, and although our personalities are different outwardly, we were continually amazed to find out how much we were alike inwardly, in thought and feeling. God really allowed both of us to open up to one another. At this time, I shared with her my struggles with a "certain guy" but I never told her who it was. She and Todd are very close, and I didn't want her to have to keep anything from her brother.

Todd: There were a lot of other changes as well. I had found the perfect house I had been looking for, only 4 blocks away from my Mom. Two weeks after the sale closed, I was offered employment with Maple Valley Fire and Life Safety. I spent two months in the fire academy and had little time for anything else. I was so excited with all that was going on. Having a house and permanent job were things I knew I wanted before I could consider a relationship.

In the fall of 1999, I began to see more of Molly at different events. She and my sister, Jill had become best friends and I would often ask her different things about Molly. There was so much I wanted to know about her, but thought it best to find out from someone besides Molly. I continued to assume that Molly preferred us to stay only on an acquaintance level, so I tried never to give her the impression that I wanted to know more about her.

Molly: Although I wrote in my journal several times throughout the year that "God is bringing closure on this whole Todd deal", I began in the fall to, wonder for the first time if he might truly be a possibility for the future. As I said before, there was someone else who I really believed that I was going to marry at the time, but I kept wondering. God also began to show me that some of my perceptions of Todd were through my own prideful eyes and were very wrong. Also through Jill, He began to show me, Todd was a modest person, and the qualities that he had were not showy. Jill had lived with Todd for 24 years, and she thought of him as the kindest, wisest most godly brother in the world. I respected Jill a lot, and as she would tell me more about who he really was, and the good things he did that no one knew about, my respect for him grew. I was careful not to bring him up to her, because I really wanted the Lord's will and I didn't want to do anything that would involve me bringing something about. Still at this time, I believed that he was not for me, and I was not for him.

Todd: Well, I was thinking quite a bit of Molly at the time now. I continued to quiz Jill about Molly, remembering every detail I could get. Molly had been practicing for a play with the Seattle Performing Arts Fellowship and a group of us all planned to attend the Opening Night. Molly played Mrs. Beaver in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. She did very well and I could tell she enjoyed the acting, singing and dancing. I also remember being very jealous of Mr. Beaver.

I had begun making Molly a regular part of my prayer time. I was daily asking God for any signs or confirmations. I was eager to know what He had in mind, and I avoided any opportunity to manipulate the situation. At one point, I pulled out that list of six specific traits I was looking for in a wife. I had not read the list in two years and I still remember being amazed at how Molly fulfilled each of these. She did not just "kind of" meet them, she excelled in each one. I showed the list to Jill and asked if she thought Molly fit in this description. She responded with "This is Molly!"

A month later, we all went to a friend's house on Camano Island for a formal Christmas party. I was proud to escort my sister to the event. Toward the end, Jill, Molly, and I had been sitting, talking about something. Jill, knowing I craved every opportunity to talk with Molly, got up and joined another conversation. That left only Molly and I! We talked about the raising of children and other family matters. I was so excited for the opportunity to talk to her! I was very impressed by the answers she would give to my questions. It was like she had just spent the day studying that topic and knew everything there was. Her words were not just empty answers, but very thought out explanations. Just when I was enjoying the conversation most, she got up and joined another. I was disappointed to say the least and wondered what I had done wrong. She was not rude, she was just trying to keep the situation above reproach from others.

Molly: I really enjoyed myself at that Christmas party. I generally tried to be careful not to spend great lengths of time talking to any guy, because I wanted to be cautious in guarding my heart. However, that evening, I spent a little longer than I normally do talking with Todd, and shared quite a bit with him. I loved talking with him, but as he said, I did leave because I didn’t want to say too much.

The morning after, I kind of had a talk with God. Or I guess you could say God had a talk with me. I'd been a little friendlier to Todd than I'd been in the past. Generally, I work on being what would be called, "an ice princess." toward Todd. To me, this means that you are kind and polite to a guy, but not warm or overly friendly. I found myself choosing to be less of an ice princess to Todd, yet I didn't feel guilty and I didn't understand why. So in my morning devotions the next day, I asked God to show me if I needed to go back to being an "ice princess" or continue on with what I was doing. I didn't want to be cool toward him, and I knew that I'd done it many times before and it hurt him.

I was reading in Deuteronomy, and I read chapters twenty eight and twenty nine, which talk a lot about not serving other gods but holding fast to the Lord. They talk about loving the Lord, and choosing to do right and it will go well with you - and your little ones. It seemed to be pretty clear to me, that God desired for me to go back to being an "ice princess" with Todd. The verses about "little ones" made me think about my future family and made me realize that I must be obedient to God. I felt like crying and I didn't want to, because I didn't want to hurt Todd and I liked him so much. However, I asked God to change my heart as I read, and to make me willing to be obedient to him. By the end of chapter 29, the Lord had allowed my heart to be changed and I told Him I was willing.

I had a few more minutes in my devotional time. I told the Lord, that I understood that I needed to be obedient to Him no matter what, but I asked Him if He would give me a promise, for my future and my family, that it was going to be all right. I told Him even if He didn't give me one, I would trust Him, but that I would like one. The next chapter I read was Deuteronomy 30. I hadn't realized at the time I was reading, that God had brought me to the exact chapter that He'd used throughout the year, to cause me to turn my heart toward Himself. There are so many good promises in this chapter. It talks about the Lord restoring me, and gathering me back. It says how - if we obey he will "prosper you abundantly in all the work of your hand, in the offspring of your body.... and the Lord will rejoice over you for good". It tells how He will "bring you into the land which your fathers possessed and you shall possess it, and He will prosper you and multiply you more than your fathers." What wonderful promises about my future family! Once more I said, 'But Lord - this just seems too hard for me to do." The very next verse I read was "This commandment, which I command you today, is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach." Talk about a clear message from the Lord! He really was making Himself clear to me, and I knew I must trust Him and obey and be an "ice princess" again.

In retrospect, as I look back on this time, I can see that the Lord was using this time as an Abraham/Isaac type picture. I needed to give Todd to the Lord once again, and trust Him completely. During the next two weeks, I emotionally psyched myself up to be cool to Todd and to be an "ice princess". The Lord didn't even give me a chance to do this however because I barely even saw Todd.

Todd: Later that month, a friend of ours had a New Year's Eve party at his house. Molly was there and we all had a great discussion on what God had given us as visions in our lives. I was so impressed at how Molly's and my vision was so much alike. They both focused on ministering to other families, using the family as a ministry and showing others the attractiveness of the Gospel. It seemed that God continued to confirm the fact that this was His lady that He had been preparing. I so much wanted to be His man for her.

Molly: The New Year’s Eve party had made a great impression on me. All week I was worried about how I was going to act and what I was going to do. God had a surprise for me, however. That morning, as I was doing my normal devotions, I happened to be reading the book of Ruth. The Lord really opened my eyes to some things in this book. One of the reasons that I did not feel that Todd was the right one was because I felt like he was showing me attention before making any intentions known. As I read the book of Ruth, the Lord seemed to show me how Boaz was kind to Ruth, over and over, and Ruth responded to Boaz's kindness. She did not shrink away or reject him when he was kind. She was under Naomi's authority and saw herself as a servant - yet she responded to him when he was kind. Boaz had not revealed any intentions toward Ruth - he was simply kind. Todd is one of the kindest people that I know and has always been so kind to me. It was hard for me to believe that God might be leading me to respond to him, and I asked Him if this was His will for me.

I finished the book of Ruth and had a few minutes left. I read the first chapter of I Samuel, which is about Hannah, crying out to the Lord for a son. It would appear to be that it was God's will for Hannah not to have a son. She was barren and it would seem like that was that. However, Hannah, in her pain and longing, cried out to God anyway, and He answered her and granted her the request. There had been many times in the past year, when I'd cried so hard and timidly would pray to the Lord, "I know Todd is probably not your will for me, but if there is any possible way Lord...... - Yet I want your will." As I saw that analogy, I really wondered at what the Lord might be saying. I spent quite a bit of time talking with Mom that morning and asking her if she thought this was from the Lord - that I was supposed to respond to Todd. She believed that it was of the Lord and encouraged me to do this.

That night at the New Year's eve party, the Lord allowed me to respond and Todd and I got to spend quite a bit of time talking. Since this was a totally new thing to me, I know that I didn't do everything right - and when he offered to follow me home because it was so late - I said no - twice! Obviously I didn't do as well as I could have, but God still used it.

Over the next few weeks I saw Todd at different events and was able to talk with him some. In my devotions I kept going back and forth and asking God if I was deceived and if this truly was His will for me to respond to Todd. Was I right in doing this and was it really His voice? He just seemed to be saying to me to be led by His Sprit and trust Him. I talked with my Mom a lot about it as well.

Todd: In January, we had a bunko night at a friend's house. As most of you know, Molly is a very fun-loving person, she is often the life of the party. I on the other hand prefer one-on-one conversation. I enjoy talking deep with people and often wish to cut to the real heart of the matter. After our Bunko game, several of us were having a great conversation on the role of a father in I Timothy. I saw Molly out of the corner of my eye keeping the crowds laughing. She looked so cute and I couldn't just go over and initiate a conversation without others thinking something about it. So after our conversation was over and Molly was just entertaining a few, I went over and sat on the floor beside the couch she was on. We talked for about an hour, and I learned a lot more of her. I asked her about her Dad and what she admired the most about him. We talked some about the personalities in each other's families and how they are all needed for balance. It was a late night, but I enjoyed every word of our conversation.

Molly: I too thoroughly enjoyed the conversation with Todd. I knew Todd would be at the party and had asked the Lord that week how I was supposed to act, and searched the Scripture. He seemed to be saying to me to not decide ahead of time how to act, but to be led by His Spirit. We had a good time playing Bunko that evening. Todd is a fireman, and is very responsible and I knew he had to work the next morning. I'd noticed that he would generally leave parties at 10:30 if he had to work. At 9:30, we finished Bunko and I thought to myself "he has one hour to come over and talk to me. We'll see what happens." He was sitting with a few others when the game ended and during the next hour I was talking to other friends'. I tried to be patient but the hour passed and he continued talking with others. At 10:30 he got up and I thought, "Sure enough... he's leaving." But then to my surprise, he came over and sat down on the floor beside the couch where I was sitting. He began to ask me questions, and we started talking ... and he didn't go home until midnight.

Needless to say, the Lord did a lot in my heart that evening. As we talked, Todd asked me questions about my life, and the Lord really allowed me to open up to Todd, in a way that I hadn't done before. I tend to be pretty guarded about getting too personal with guys, and am very careful not to talk too deeply. However, this evening, the Lord seemed to direct me to open up to him and also he to me. We talked about many things including our families, our goals for our lives and beliefs.

Near the end of the evening, we were talking about Scriptures that had been meaningful in our lives. I was telling about how the Lord had been teaching me to be led by His Spirit - without getting into too much detail. I shared a few Scriptures and then Todd asked me... "Do you like Deuteronomy 30 by any chance?" My brain was muddled, but after I thought a minute I responded that I did like it. Todd started to tell me how much it meant to him, and how the Lord had really used that specific chapter in his life. He said that it is one of his favorite passages of scripture. He began to quote certain parts of it to me right there. He had memorized it a few years ago, and it had been the easiest chapter for him to memorize.

To say that I was overwhelmed and awed at the Lord is an understatement. I had been struggling with asking God if this was His will and here He was making it so clear that I was doing right. Not only did he show me that Todd seemed to be interested in me as a person, He also used to confirm it - the very chapter that He had given me as a promise of my future family. I didn't tell Todd this at the time of course, but just told him that I liked that chapter. My heart was full however, and I was totally amazed by the Lord.

Todd: I was pretty surprised that Molly knew a little about Dueteronomy 30 (although I didn’t know how much it meant to her!). This has been a favorite passage of mine for quite some time now and I remember how easy it was to memorize because I liked it so much. God is speaking to Israel, telling them that now and in the future they have set before them life and death, blessings and curses. This is true for all of us even here and now. Not only with big decisions such as marriage, but even the daily decisions can lead to blessings or curses. The Lord goes onto encourage them to choose life, “for the Lord your God is your life and He will give you many years in the land you are entering to possess.” The end is my favorite, when He says “Now choose life so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life.” - WOW!!

Molly: I came home that night, and told Mom what had happened. She was excited too, but cautious, because she didn't want me to get my hopes up too soon. She said to rejoice in what was happening though, and that she was happy for me. Needless to say I did not get much sleep that night. I tossed and turned, but I was happy to be awake and so grateful to the Lord.

He wasn't finished with surprises however. The next morning we received a phone call from a woman who was an old family friend. We hadn't heard from her for years, and at the time of my Dad's death, she had had a dream before he died, about him being in heaven and how happy and joyful he was. When I answered the phone she told me who she was and then asked if anything unusual was happening at our house. I was still rather an emotional basket case, so I said she could talk to my Mom. It turned out that she felt the Lord prompting her several times this week to call us. She said that she felt like he was prompting, but then pushed it away. She told Mom, "I don't know why, but I was wondering if one of your girls is getting married or something. He seemed to be prompting me to offer my services, because I have been a wedding consultant and I'd love to help make a wedding dress or do whatever you would like with regard to a wedding." Mom told her that no one was getting married but.... and then went on to explain to her what the Lord had done last night.

Once again, to say that I was pretty overwhelmed is an understatement. I paced the house crying and talking to God quite a bit. To think that His will was turning out to be something that I'd wished for for so long just amazed me. I felt humbled and shamefaced. So often His will seems like it is hard and sacrificial on our part - but to see that His plans are for our good and joy in this way was amazing.

Todd: It was about this time that I took my Mom out for lunch, telling her about Molly and how I really needed her to pray and consider her as a future wife for me. I remember my Mom saying “I’ve always liked Molly”. She was objectively supportive from the beginning and often gave me good advice.

The Bible says that God is a Father to the fatherless. I really believe that, God through His prompting confided and challenged me in preparation for a lifetime relationship with Molly. I continued to seek Him and He continued to show me areas I needed to be stronger or areas where I needed to compliment Molly. I began to realize the importance of what may be lying ahead. It would mean that I could find myself being a spiritual leader for another. If I slacked off spiritually before, I affected primarily myself. Now, if I were to falter, there would be another who would take the same step I would. The responsibility of leading her, made me so excited, yet very aware of the consequences of failure.

Molly: The next four months were a time of waiting and praying and intense lessons from the Lord. I believed from His confirmations to me, that most likely Todd and I would end up together, but nothing was certain, I had no assurance from Todd. The Lord also showed me at this time, that if He chose to not allow us to be together, that would be His prerogative, and that I must trust His sovereignty. He allowed me to die to the vision several times and to realize that everything must be left in His Hands and that I was not allowed to manipulate any circumstances.

Molly: Shortly after this, the Lord seemed to lead me to share with Jill about what he was doing in my heart. As I said, before this time I'd told Jill about "this guy" I liked, but I didn't want to tell her because I didn't want her to have to have the burden of keeping something from Todd. However, Jill and I were becoming so close, and it just seemed to be the Lord’s timing and so I met her at a nearby restaurant, and told her, through many tears what God had been doing in my heart. She responded so beautifully, and cried also, and said that Todd is a pretty wonderful guy, and she's known that someday he would probably marry, but she said, "I'm glad it is you that likes him." She was so sweet to me, and assured me that she would not tell him, but would let God work however He wished. She helped me so much throughout the next few months.

What I did not know at that time, was that Todd had already talked to Jill about his thoughts of me. He was really praying about me and asking the Lord if I might be the one for him to marry. Jill kept our secret from one another for the full four months, and told no one but the Lord. She was a confidante to both of us, and encouraged us both as we were struggling to look to the Lord. She has some very funny stories and said that the Lord has a real sense of humor. She remembered one day in particular, when I was crying and just saying "Jill, I'm struggling so much to give my heart to the Lord and to wait." She was trying to comfort me. Meanwhile, that same day Todd was saying to Jill, "This is so hard." He had such strong feelings and was not able to express them to me because of the timing. Jill amazed me at her strength and kindness to both of us. She wanted the Lord’s will for us as much as we did and demonstrated true sacrificial friendship and love to us.

My sister Anna was an encouragement as well. She had always liked Todd, and even in the years when I believed that this other person was the one for me, she always wanted me to choose Todd. She invited several of the kids our age from our church over and did a beautiful dinner for all of us as well. It was from this, that Todd noticed a light fixture in our house that needed some attention and offered to fix it. He and his dad ended up putting in a new back door in our kitchen as well.

Todd: One Sunday, Molly's sister Anna had invited a group of us over for a wonderful dinner she had made. At the time, I was struggling in knowing how much attention to give Molly and her family. I always took advantage of an opportunity to be with them, but I avoided Molly in any type of one-on-one communication. That afternoon, I noticed that the light in their kitchen had broken and I offered to replace it at a later date. My motive was to restore any hurt feelings I may have caused and in a sense to say "Maybe I assumed too much before, can we just be friends?" I know also that in a way I hoped Molly might have a better perspective of me if I help their family out in this way.

I came back later that week and replaced the fixture. Molly had been at work and came home just as I was cleaning up. I still remember seeing her walk up to the porch and thinking "Do I say something to her? Do I acknowledge her? Do I totally ignore her?" I was a mess. As it ended up, I did ask her about her day at work with her family in the kitchen. We all had a casual, but short conversation before I left. Before leaving I offered my Dad and I to come and replace their back door. I hoped this would be another opportunity to somehow impress Molly and her family.

I continued to avoid Molly as much as possible, but if we were able to have a group conversation with others, I took advantage of it. I tried to avoid any one-on-one contact with her around others, because I didn't want her reputation to be questioned by anyone. I did pretty well at this until one Sunday, when we had a group get-together at a friend's house after evening service. I was sitting on the floor, Molly on the couch nearby. We had been talking as a group and somehow, Molly and I began having our own conversation. We talked a lot about family, children, the need for spiritual growth while people are young. Our conversation was so good and it seemed that God was confirming so many things to me through our talk. That night, I was so excited having spent almost an hour talking to her. I went home later, writing down in a journal that “there is no question, it is only a matter of time.” I also spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God to confirm His decision not through my feelings or emotions, but through His revealing Word.

About a week after this wonderful event, I began having strong headaches on a daily basis. While the doctors could not find what the specific cause was through the tests, I knew that God definitely had His hand and a purpose through it. When you are on the couch all the time, it is easy to look up and pray, which I did quite a bit of. Through that time the Lord gave me a specific scripture in Psalm 27 that was a theme in all the passages He was showing me. In Ps. 27 it says “My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face!’ Your face, LORD, I will seek.” It seemed that He was saying “Up to this point, you have been able to following the laws and principles I have given you, you have seen the results of my commands. But from this point forward, you will need to seek My face, you will need to search after me like you have never searched before. You will be driven to your knees in prayer.”

This is a lot like Deuteronomy 11 which is the chapter that God gave us after we became engaged. This is where God is speaking to Israel and He tells them that the land they are crossing the Jordan to enter is not like the land they are leaving. This new land will be full of mountains and valleys, but He will send His rains ahead of them. This rain was a sign of His blessing upon them.

Molly: During this time however, the Lord allowed Todd to go through a time when he began to get very intense headaches. He was in a lot of pain, and was not able to work at all - and was barely even able to get up off the couch. These turned out to be part of a very serious condition called hydroecephalus, which had to do with a build up of fluid on the brain. During these few weeks, the Lord once again, really brought me to a point where I gave Todd totally to him. I cried more those few weeks and the pain of not being able to do anything for Todd was pretty intense. The Lord taught me about prayer for healing, and I cried out like I'd never cried out to the Lord before.

The Lord healed him of these headaches after about three weeks and there was no explanation for their going away. At that time the Lord gave Todd Ps 27 specifically "When Thou didst say, ‘Seek My Face’ my heart said to Thee, Thy Face O Lord, shall I seek." When Todd shared these verses with me via e-mail, I was able to tell him that I had read this Psalm only a couple of days before, and the verse was underlined in my Bible.

Todd: The time of headaches threw off our schedule for my Dad and I to change out their rear door. My Dad of course knew of my interest in Molly, though he had only seen her on occasion. It didn’t take him long to be won over. As you all know, Molly is fun to love. The changing of the door went well and provided some opportunity to see Molly.

Molly: Throughout these months the Lord kept giving us similar passages and confirming to both of us that we were for each other. We never spoke about our future together. Todd tried to be careful of my heart, though he was seeking God about me for him. Though he had been praying since last fall, and liked me even before that, in early March, God seemed to confirm to him with assurance that I was the one to pursue, but he was very cautious. I also tried to guard my heart.

At this time my mother also, began to pray, that the Lord would give her clear direction as well. Even though the Lord had given me assurance from Him that Todd may be in my future, and that this was something I needed to head toward, she also wanted that assurance. She was very pleased with Todd and felt a peace about God's leading in this direction, but she wanted a word from the Lord herself. Shortly after that the Lord gave her Joshua 1, which was about Israel getting ready to enter the promised land. The main thing the Lord seemed to say was that it was her job to enable me to proceed as the Lord was leading. Amazingly enough, this was another chapter that we found out later that Todd had really enjoyed and memorized. My mom was grateful for the Lord's speaking to her as well as to me and wrote out different things she felt like God was teaching her for each verse. He also gave her some verses in Jeremiah 29 about the future peace of Jerusalem and about what she was to do including verse 6, which says "find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage." Both Mom and I were grateful to God for making His will clear to her also.

One Sunday afternoon, I was reading the Word and was underlining different verses in the Kings. This king "set his heart to seek the Lord" that king "did not set his heart to seek the Lord." Several times that afternoon, the Lord brought those verses to my attention and I underlined them. He seemed to be emphasizing to me to "set my heart to seek Him". That evening, several of us went over to Todd's house to watch a Christian comedy video. Afterwards, he told us that he didn't want to take a long time to share, but he did want to say that the Lord seemed to be impressing upon him to tell us to "seek the Lord" and to "set our hearts to seek Him." He talked about it for a little while, and once again, I was amazed at God's timing and His confirmations.

Near the end of the four months, we began to e-mail, and yet, I wanted God’s permission and confirmation before we started up any kind of a correspondence. We’d sent a few short ones back and forth periodically but hadn’t written much. He had e-mailed me in the past, and I’d waited, but then wrote out a long answer, knowing that it might start a correspondence. I didn’t send it, determining to ask the Lord if this was ok for me to do before I sent it. I did feel a peace about it, and when I talked to my Mom, she thought it was fine, but I wanted to double check. I did my devotions that night, and began to read Ps 15. Then I remembered that I wanted to ask God to show me His will as I read. Before I read Ps 45, the next Psalm, I asked Him to show me whether or not it was ok to send it. The first verse of Ps 45 reads, “My heart overflows with a noble theme, as I address my verses to the king, my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” I know that we can read things into Scripture, but I had already felt such a peace about writing, and the Word just seemed to confirm it.

The Lord also showed me how, though my trying to be "ice princess" and guarding my heart over the last few years, Todd was able to show Christ-like love to me. I would push Todd away many times and sometimes literally run away from him, yet he would keep showing kindness to me, and coming back and showing interest in my life. Christ loves us even when we push Him away. He shows attention to us from the moment we are born, yet we do not realize his full intentions for us until the day of salvation. I knew Todd was showing me attention, yet I did not know his full intentions yet.

Todd: Well the time finally came when God made it clear that it was time to ask to court Molly. I approached Mrs. Melquist one evening after Sunday service and asked if I could have coffee with her the next day. I told her I wanted to talk to her about Molly and was eager to meet with her. Oddly enough, the next day was be memorial day and certainly it was a good day to remember. I woke up that morning and felt a total peace for what lay ahead. I really didn’t feel nervous, just excited about the future and what God had ahead.

Molly: That Sunday evening, May 28th, Jill took me and several other girls to Dairy Queen and Todd approached Mom about getting together with her for coffee the next morning. He told her that it was "about Molly”, and he was “looking forward to it." God does have a sense of humor, because that very evening, I was struggling with tears, because Todd hadn't talked with me at all that day. Jill was comforting me, and knowing Todd's intentions, telling me that it was ok. In her head she was saying "believe me and trust me Molly - it's ok!" When I came home and Mom told me that Todd wanted to meet with her, I started crying in earnest - only for a different reason – tears of joy. I stuck my head in my closet facedown and cried. I remember my mom poking me in the rear with her foot and telling me, “Get up – you have to tell me what to say!”

Todd: Mrs. Melquist and I ended up talking for about two hours. I made it clear at the beginning what my intentions were by asking her for permission to win Molly’s heart through courtship. I told her of all that God had been laying on my heart and how He had led me to this point. Keep in mind that at this point I really did not have much of a clue of what Molly thought of me. I had hoped that she would be interested in starting a relationship, but really there was nothing to guarantee it. Even though Jill knew much more than I thought, she never relayed to me what Molly had confided to her. Jill was very wise for doing this and I know it was difficult for her at times to not share the feelings of the other. I am proud of her for her wise decision.

Todd: Going into this with no real clue as to what Molly was thinking, I was really surprised at Mrs. Melquist’s eager response. In fact it was during the conversation that she told me that Molly had been hoping for this for a long time! I was of course excited and ecstatic that her response was so good. Even at that time it was hard for me to understand how much thought Molly had given this, so I told Mrs. Melquist to talk it over with her family, spend time praying and make sure this is really what they wanted.

Well three hours later I got a call from Mrs. Melquist, saying that their family had given their blessing for the courtship! We had scheduled the following night for our families to get together and talk over all that had gone on during these past few years. It was a wonderful night recounting all that had gone on, all the times when both Molly and I had been wanting to see more of the other. God is so good!

Molly: It was so exciting to meet with Todd and his family and to find out his side of the story as well. I was amazed Todd had noticed me, and was quite attracted to me as well, on that very first boat ride. Although he had no intentions toward me at that time, he wanted to get to know me better. He thought about me quite a bit in '98 and was interested, but didn't feel definite leading of the Lord. The Lord really started working on his heart in the fall of '99 and he began seeking in earnest to find out if I was truly in His will.

Both of us were quite surprised at the love that the Lord had already placed in the others' heart. I was hoping that Todd was interested in me, but I had no idea that he had been interested for so long. As for Todd, he was quite surprised by my response to him. He thought that I might take a long time to pray about it and give him an answer. He was going into this courtship, with a determination to prove to my Mom and me that this was the Lord's will for us. He thought it was going to take a lot of time and a lot of convincing. He didn't know, that God had already done the convincing! This was a confirmation to me, that the Lord had helped me to guard my heart until the right time. The fact that Todd did not realize that my feelings were what they were, was encouraging to me.

Todd: I also gave Molly something that night to remind us of all that God had done. When God would do a miracle for Israel, such as opening up the Jordan river, He would often have them build something so they could remember His work. He would tell them that when their children ask of it, they are to tell them what it was that God did. It was a stone of remembrance, and Ebenezer. Our Ebenezer that night was a letter written by me to Molly.

Dearest Molly,

It is with much prayer and thought that I write you about a matter that has been on my heart for quite some time. The Lord has shown me that He has and is continuing to prepare you and I for a lifetime relationship of marriage.

Molly, I want you as well to be at peace in mind, will and emotions that this is God’s intention for you and I. Therefore, the first step in initiating this relationship will be the winning of your heart, through love. There is no purer, truer love than that which has been shown to us by God through His son, Jesus Christ. It was with His steadfast, unconditional love that He wooed me and won my heart. So it is with His unconditional love that I model my love for you, that I may woo you and win your heart. Having won your heart, I know I will have the greatest treasure this world holds and will make it my duty, from God, to tend to its cares.

Molly, I am convinced that you deserve a much better man than I, but I am also convinced, that by God’s grace, no man will work harder to keep your heart, than I. Will you give me this opportunity to win your heart?

In His Love,
Todd

Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

Molly: As he read the letter to me, tears came to my eyes. I didn't feel adequate to respond to him, but I was able to tell him that the Lord had already shown me how Todd loved me as Christ loved the church and that I truly did believe that God had given me a love for him.

Another thing that was exciting to me, was at the time in the spring of '99 when I had the death of a vision, as far as Todd went, a friend of mine, Keziah Owens, who I hadn't heard from in months, sent me a quick e-mail. I'd been struggling that week, although she didn’t know it and she wrote me, telling me that she was praying for me and that I was "loved with an everlasting love" and to keep my eyes on Jesus. The fact that Todd loved me even then brought me joy and the fact that he used that verse was an added encouragement.

In the past few months since our courtship began, God has confirmed His will over and over, through friends, through family, through Scripture and through the way He is drawing our hearts together even more. Both of us are amazed at how close the Lord is bringing us to himself and one another so quickly. We are learning more and more about one another - including our imperfections and sins. We are both learning that the other is not perfect. Our story itself is not perfect, and though we’ve shared the exciting things, there were many mistakes made and times when we struggled. However, we know that in our imperfections, we can trust God that He has given us to each other. We have had the opportunity to share our story several times and are so excited about what God is going to do in the future.

On March 10, 2001 Todd and Molly entered the land of marriage. As God promised us before in Deuteronomy 11, there will be mountains and valleys, but He will send His rains ahead. His rain is His blessing. We enjoy His rain, but we desire to share it with others also. We hope you have been blessed by this reading. If you have any questions for us about anything, please feel free to contact us. God Bless!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Merry Christmas 2011!

Merry Christmas from the Merrys!

We hope that you’ve had a beautiful year, but we know that life has its ups and downs and we pray that God has brought you through them with grace and strength. We haven’t written a Christmas letter for a couple of years as last year at this time we were definitely more down than up. Bear with us in the length of this letter as we have two years instead of one to catch you up on - and check out the next six posts to see our pictures from 2010-2011. We are grateful for what God has brought us through and what He has taught us, but we are glad to be in a new season.

In February of 2010 we were blessed with a new little Merry, Lucie Joy. We love her so much and now she is toddling around, copying her big sister and brother and saying new words every day. She is so delightful, makes us smile, and if you see her anytime soon, ask her to do her eyebrow trick as it is very entertaining!

Silas will be 5 in February and is interested in how things work. He is always asking questions and has a very scientific mind. He loves playing instruments and you will find him strumming his guitar, or pounding on his drum set with lots of enthusiasm. He is always asking, “Is this rhythm?” He also loves helping his little sister. He is like his daddy – serving and meeting her needs before she even knows she has them.

Maggie is 7 now and loves school. It is fun to watch her thirst for learning. In September, we joined HIS Ministry Co-op (Classical Christian) and have really enjoyed it. She enjoys her ballet class and is a happy girl, who can make songs out of anything. She is amazing with her little sister; always making her smile.

Over the past couple years, Maggie has been praying that she could be a flower girl in a wedding. One month ago, God answered her prayers, as she and her cousin Mishayla were flower girls in Kevin and Andrea’s wedding. Silas got to be the ring bearer as well. We are so happy for Kevin and Andrea. We loved the wedding, and love the couple even more!

Molly is loving life right now, enjoying having Todd home more, spending lots of time cleaning (who’d have thought with 3 little ones) and having fun spending time with friends, writing, reading, having dinner parties and cyber-stalking her favorite author and speaker Lisa Bevere, all over the internet. Lately she’s been running 3 miles several times a week as well, trying to impress her husband with her discipline…. 

Todd loves his new job at Medic One. He has been able to work on some busy trucks throughout the County, and seen plenty of action. He loves the work and always enjoys helping people when they are at their greatest point of need. Being at Mars Hill has also been a great experience for him. He really appreciates the guys in our Community Group and our times together every Tuesday night. Todd has also been busy with homeschooling the kids. We’ve been so blessed by the co-op we are a part of and it makes learning fun and exciting for the kids.

As a family, we are grateful to be in this season, but we have a story to tell of why we are so grateful to be where we are at.

Late in 2009, God put on Todd’s heart to think about applying with South King County Medic One to be a paramedic. Todd has always enjoyed the medical side of firefighting and after much prayer and counsel he decided to go ahead and take the test. As this is a very coveted job we figured that it was a long shot, and if Todd came out near the top, it would be clear that it was God directing. Well to make a long story short, he tested, interviewed in the spring of 2010 and came out #1 out of 170 applicants! To say that God made it clear was an understatement.

We were very honored and excited, but knew that with this job came 10 crazy months of paramedic training school, with a large initial pay cut. Both of us knew that it would be tough, but we also knew that God had given him this job. We wanted to be obedient, and we knew that on the other side was a great job with super hours, good pay and something that as Molly put, “Todd was made for” as he loves medicine, and serving and helping others in this way.

We knew that it would be tough, but we had no idea what God had in store for us. As soon as Todd began his schooling, Molly began to struggle with a lack of sleep. The issue got worse and worse; the doctor diagnosed it as anxiety. This was definitely a stress on our marriage and family life. The insomnia began to take its toll on Molly, eventually leading to many doctor and naturopath visits as well as counseling sessions. Still nursing, and with 3 little ones at home to take care of, and desperately wanting to be a good support to Todd, the situation seemed to get worse and worse and feel more and more hopeless. Christmas of 2010 was one of the most difficult days of the whole year for us. God was bringing us through a dark time spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Thankfully, although we know that this was hard on us, we really felt God’s hand on our kids at the time. They seemed happy and well adjusted through it all, and we are so grateful for all the grandparents, who helped in numerous ways and were such a great support to us; taking care of the kids, making Todd’s lunches, opening up their homes. Molly had three older women in her life who were especially helpful and supportive through prayers and encouragement as well. We were blessed with friends and a whole community of people who loved us through this hard time.

As spring rolled around things started getting a little bit better. Todd’s hours lightened up a bit, Molly started sleeping a little bit better and we began to feel more hopeful. By summer, with graduation approaching, we were able to look back and see God’s hand in protecting us and keeping us through it all. And this fall has been an amazing time. We felt like we emerged from those 10 months a bit traumatized and shell-shocked, blinking at the light of day and so grateful for what God brought us through.

Molly: God showed me so many things. First of all, this gave us a real compassion and sympathy for those who go through anxiety or depression. I had always thought that when someone was struggling with anxiety, it meant they were worried about something, but I had no idea what medical anxiety is like, and it was different than I thought. There were times when I felt fine emotionally, but physically, my body was doing crazy things and it felt so out of control. Sometimes there are periods of our life when the pain or fear or whatever it may be is so strong that it affects our bodies. It is easy to come up with quick fixes and easy answers. While there are answers out there, there is definitely a process of healing. God has shown us some things about this process and given us a real love and compassion for those who are struggling in this way.

Second, fear is a horrible thing. Scripture tells us over 100 times not to fear. We sometimes rename fear by calling it caution, or discernment, or even responsibility or protection. Personally, I had turned my responsibilities into fears that I wouldn’t be able to do it all. I was trying to be “responsible” but had confused my responsible righteousness, with Jesus righteousness. As I realized how bad fear is, I tried harder “not to fear”. But trying harder isn’t the answer. God’s love truly is the only thing that really casts out fear. I remember feeling so far from God, so unloved by Him and crying out to Him about how I felt. That very night after I’d been gut honest with Him in telling him that I was having a hard time believing that he really loved me, He spoke to me in a powerful way, through a sermon about how His love for me is greater than any fear. My worth is not based on my performance as a wife or a mother. I knew that in my head, but I desperately needed him to move it to my heart. For both my spiritual and physical health, I needed to truly know that I was righteous because of Jesus, not because of what I do. It was one of the most powerful times I have ever experienced. I didn’t come away from church that night and immediately start sleeping again. God doesn’t always offer us a quick fix or way out of our trial. But He sees us through them. And it was the start of a direction that I needed to go, spiritually and emotionally. And if there is anything that God showed me, it is that I really am righteous. That is the amazing thing about Jesus and grace!

As many of you know, in October of 2009 we began attending a new church – City Church in Kirkland. We had a wonderful year and a half there, with God teaching us so many new things. In April of 2011 we felt God’s leading to start attending Mars Hill Church, in Bellevue. We love both of these churches. Our time at City Church was completely directed by God. It is interesting, because as we were going through our darkest time, the pastor of City Church was also going through his darkest time, as his father and founder of their church was dying of cancer. The powerful sermon that Molly spoke of earlier, was the last sermon our pastor preached before his father died, not knowing what was going to happen. God used his incredibly hope-filled and real, honest messages of pain at a time when we were experiencing pain and needing hope. We know God had us there for a reason. And we know that God has moved us on to Mars Hill for a reason as well. We love our new church and are completely inspired and blown away by God’s grace and the honesty of the teaching. We’re looking forward to serving and are enjoying hosting a community group in our house at this time, and helping in the children’s ministry.

We are also enjoying our Pastor’s new book, “Real Marriage”. He is going to be doing a series on this, and as we are reading it, we feel like God is really doing some great things in our friendship. Not just our marriage or responsibility to each other as husband and wife, but in our friendship with each other, just enjoying the other person, having fun together and valuing one another as friends. Sometimes we get caught up in the “responsibilities” or duties of marriage and forget that God gave us to each other as friends. It has been wonderful.

As you can see, though it’s been a hard year, we are so grateful for where God has us now and the season we are in. We did do some fun things outside of school. Last spring we were able to house swap with some friends and spend a week down in sunny CA. It was probably one of our favorite family vacations ever, and the kids are always asking to go back. We had some great camping trips with family and friends, a visit to Pomeroy to see Gran and all the cousins, got to go to the ocean as a family and take fun excursions with the kids to zoos, Wild Waves, roller skating and the fair. Molly was involved with a great mom’s group last year as well.

We are also looking forward to another little Merry making their debut in July of next year! Molly’s daily run has slowed down a bit and she is feeling a little queasy and tired, but in good health otherwise and we are so excited about this new addition to our family. It looks like just one, though Maggie and Silas were hoping for a boy and a girl! They are thrilled at the idea of a new sibling.

Until next year, remember what we are celebrating. Jesus’ arrival on earth is truly good news. The grace that He has for us is incredible. We know that we are not righteous because of what we do, or our performance, but because of what He has already done for us through his death and resurrection.

We pray for you and think of you often. Have a wonderful time celebrating Jesus birth this year!

Love,
The Merrys