Adoption Saga part 8 - Todd and Maggie's Perspectives

As I write this (March 6, 2018) Todd is sleeping at a hotel in Kampala, getting ready to go see Joseph in Jinja for the second time. We have found that we will need to go several times this year in order to make this happen. I'm looking forward to going in a couple of months and spending a longer time with Joseph. But as I promised, here is Todd and Maggie's first visit to Uganda in their own words. Maggie told me hers and I put it into written form. This is what happened in September of last year.  (If you want to start at the beginning click Here for Part I)

Todd:

Cousins!

After having spent nearly two weeks in Uganda on a medical mission trip, Maggie and I had planned to stay another four days with family and to meet Joseph for the first time. It was hard to say goodbye to our fellow group members, as we had become like family. Our cousins, Rachel and Isaac, their twin boys and Rachel’s parents took us in at their home in Kampala. We spent the night, then headed out to Jinja in the morning. Jinja is about a four-hour drive East of Kampala. The drive out to Jinja gave us opportunity to see more of the varied country of Uganda. While Kampala is very over-crowded and noisy, Jinja is a bit more spread out and slower.

Joseph lives at Home of Hope, just outside Jinja. Home of Hope was started by Edith Lukabwe after her own son was born with cerebral palsy. Edith has a huge heart for kids with special needs. Home of Hope currently cares for 56 children. Joseph was found one morning wrapped in a sheet under a banana tree in the front yard.

Banana Tree where
they found Joseph

As with other children, he had been left there because someone knew he would be well cared for. He was about a year old at the time and his cerebral palsy was evident. Most anyone with special needs is seen as a curse in Uganda.

I had heard from others who had been at Home of Hope, that it can be a bit overwhelming to see so many children with severe needs in a relatively small amount of space. While Edith and her staff care very well for the kids, they are short on space, beds and equipment. Knowing this, I told Maggie that if she didn’t want to come in she could wait out front for a bit. Once again, I had underestimated how strong Maggie can be in these situations.

Mama Edith Love!

Having seen so many pictures of Home of Hope and the kids, it seemed a bit surreal to be pulling up. As we walked in the front door, I heard Edith coming from the back of the house shouting! She and some of the other nannies came out singing a high-pitched, loud (very African) welcome. While I had never heard it before, Maggie and I couldn’t help but laugh and give hugs to Edith. She was in tears and was obviously grateful we had come. It was on this trip that I realized what a remarkable work Edith was part of.

After we spent some time in her office, Edith wanted to take us around to meet every single child. She was like a proud mother showing off her beautiful kids. Children with hydrocephalus, cerebral palsy, twisted bodies, or cognitive levels of infants. Their culture had said they were outcasts, not worth their attention. But here, they had found a home and love.

We spent a few minutes with each child, getting down at their level, interacting with them and learning about them from Edith. I had wondered when we would meet Joseph. After about a dozen kids, we met him, sitting with one of the nannies. Edith said “And this is Joseph….”. I asked the nannie if I could hold him and picked him up. As Maggie and I both stood their looking at him, talking too him, I couldn’t help but cry. Here he was. A boy that we had been talking about adopting and we had finally met after flying halfway around the world.

Loving Joseph

As I held him, I could feel how different he was from holding Vivien. Cerebral palsy had made him a bright, interactive little boy with all the appropriate mental capacities, yet unable to control his body. His huge, happy eyes communicate a joy beyond his disability. We spent some time with just him in Edith’s office. Maggie made him laugh and I continued to cry. It was already a trip of so much emotion.

After some time, it was lunch time and we got to feed Joseph some rice and beans. Can you imagine what lunch time is like for 56 kids with disabilities? While some can self-feed, many (like Joseph) need assistance. He continued to laugh while Maggie blew bubbles with a bubble gun we had brought. As we fed him, he would cough about every third spoonful. I could tell he had some swallowing difficulty, but he seemed to manage.

Bubbles at Home of Hope

We returned again the next day, this time doing a brief physical on Joseph. Since Isaac is a doctor, he was able to sign some of the forms we needed for the adoption. Our stay that day was shorter and it was hard to leave Joseph. I think leaving him to lie on the mat when we left was the hardest. CP is a terrible disease that makes a person a prisoner in their own body. Still, we knew we’d be back. This whole encounter confirmed all the more why we wanted to adopt Joseph in the first place.

Maggie:

When I went to Uganda I had lots of fun but at first I was really nervous, scared and felt homesick. When I first arrived, I just wanted to go home. Part of it was jetlag I know, because the next day I was feeling a bit better. However, when the actual work started of going to the clinic and actually meeting the people of Uganda and serving them, my heart changed.

Countin

The first night we counted pills and got ready for the clinics. Our first experience was church on Sunday. We went to one of the services and then in the second one I helped with the kids. One sweet little girl actually fell asleep on my lap. 

The first day we had clinics, where people came from miles around to receive medical care and medication. I poured a lot of cough syrup that day while my dad helped evaluate patients. When I snuck away from pouring cough syrup and measuring it, I’d play with the kids whose parents were getting help. 

Giving my Tesimony

Brenda

On our last day of clinic I shared my testimony in one of the services they held for those who came which was also an amazing experience.

Brenda

I also got to meet Brenda. One of the days I was in clinic I came down and saw Dad crying and hugging who I thought was a a random patient. I didn’t realize that it was Brenda until I came up to him and asked. He said, “This is Brenda.” Brenda is our girl we have been sponsoring for several years at an orphanage. She is so sweet.  I gave her a hug and she called me sissy. We got to spend time with her later as we got to visit Destiny Orphanage and I was able to see where she lived. We also went on a shopping trip with Dad together.

After the missions trip we went to stay with our cousins Rachel and Isaac. From there we went to Jinja to see Home of Hope, Edith and to meet Joseph.

The drive to Home of Hope it was pretty. Jinja is a beautiful area of Uganda. As we were driving up I started getting butterflies in my stomach. I felt nervous and even sick to my stomach. I know a lot of people have cried when they see Home of Hope and that it can be overwhelming. As we pulled up Dad asked me if I wanted to stay in the car for a bit. I wanted to say I would but I heard Edith and the others coming out giving the traditional Ugandan welcome call. It is a high pitched sound almost like yodeling. I decided to get out and I let Dad go first I talked with my little cousin Ezra. When I came in it wasn't as overwhelming as I'd expected. I'd been prepped so much that it was almost easier than I thought it would be.

I met a lot of the kids as Edith showed us around I noticed there was one little boy that I wanted to play with. I kept on playing with him and when I asked Edith which little boy was Joseph, she said it was him! He was so cute. I had played with him for a little while and I knew that Dad wanted to spend time with him so I let him. I could see him getting teary eyed so I gave him a little time alone with Joseph and decided to wander and play with the other kids more too.

We had brought some gifts so I gave out some of them to the kids. I looked in our gifts and there was a bubble blower and I brought it outside and all the kids loved the bubble blower. They had a blast and so did I.

After the bubbles I wanted to come back in and spend some more time with Dad and Joseph so we did in Edith's office. He was giggling some of the time and he reminded me of Vivien with the noises he was making. He was so cute and we had such a sweet time with him.

I think what the hardest part of meeting him was knowing that he was a 3 year old boy inside who may be able to think clearly but not be able to express it with his body. It felt sad to me that there was a three year old boy inside his body who was bouncing around wanting to play and couldn't.

I'd seen these documentaries of kids with cerebral palsy who would try to communicate through different parts of their body. There was a little girl who could tap out things with her toe on a computer and she could express that she was sometimes sad that she couldn't do what others did or talk like others did and she at times felt trapped. It made me sad to think that this could be the case for Joseph.

We only got to spend a couple of days with Joseph. I'd tried to spend time and interact with him, but I felt like we didn't have as much time to bond as I had wanted.

I really hope that next time I can bond with him a lot more. I'm excited because we are planning to go back and see him next year and I can hardly wait to see my beloved Uganda and see Joseph again. I loved Uganda and told Dad I wanted to live there. I also can't wait to bring him home and have him forever.

Maggie, Ezra, Joseph and Aaron

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Adoption Saga part 7 Crossing the Jordan and taking Risks

Spring Chicks at Grandma's

Spring (2017) was coming quickly and we were continuing to pray about where to adopt from. It seemed clear that God was working to bring us together with Edith and it certainly seemed like he was opening doors to adopt from Uganda, in my mind.

Todd is a wise man. He thinks things through, is careful of risk and wants to be cautious before he makes a decision. He completely believed that God brought us together with Edith to help Home of Hope establish a US presence.  But as I said before he was hesitant about a Ugandan adoption. We had been warned specifically about Ugandan adoptions, and how difficult they are. We'd heard of adoptions where people put a lot of money forward and then the adoption was halted or completely stopped, and others where the parent ended up being responsible for the child but unable to bring them home because of complications. The government system is far from streamlined and there are so many hurdles.

What he didn't want to happen, was to use the money God has given us to adopt, have an adoption halted and then have that money be wasted and unable to be used for another child. He also didn't want to rush into something. Adopting from Uganda seemed like a big risk.

My heart was still drawn to Ugandan adoption and Joseph and I really felt like if God was behind it, it was a risk that we could take. So we kept praying.

I had talked several times with Myriam, the lady from the adoption agency we were planning on working through. I felt confident that she was knowledgeable about the process and though she very strongly warned us about the risks and complications, she felt fairly confident that Joseph was adoptable because of the "exceptional circumstance" clause we had heard about before. I thought maybe if Todd was able to talk with her as well it might speed things up so we set up a meeting with her that ended up needing to be a phone conversation because of our crazy schedule. The kids were home and we had the conversation in our room just to be able to avoid distractions.

I was hopeful and expectant that this conversation would move Todd's heart to be willing to move forward with the possibility of adoption Joseph and but it ended up having the opposite effect. Myriam was again clear about the risks and complications and as she shared with Todd, he told me afterwards that he felt even more strongly that it wasn't a risk we should take. He wanted to be wise.

After he went downstairs, I remember specifically leaning back on our brown love-seat in our room, with a few tears talking to God. I truly felt like adopting Joseph was God's will for us, and even felt confident that it would happen, but I wondered if it was going to take until the following September when Todd and Maggie took their mission trip Uganda, for him to change his mind and it just seemed so far off. I said to God, "You have to give him a word Lord. Please give him a word." I didn't want to wait that long.

A few hours later that afternoon during Viv's nap Todd and I had an appointment with some of her therapists in Bellevue and we were in the car by ourselves with no kids, and able to have a conversation. He smiled at me and began to tell me a story.

I knew that that evening Todd was going to be speaking to a youth group of a friend of ours. He was speaking from Joshua 1 about being strong and courageous. He was planning on talking about about how when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, God gave them a clear path. He opened it up and they walked through. But when the Israelites crossed over the Jordan river into the promised land, God had them line up, and move forward when there was no clear path. It wasn't until they started walking and the feet of the priests actually touched the water that the Jordan parted. In addition to this, it was the time of the year when the Jordan was overflowing it's banks. It was a huge risk and even danger to try to cross over when it was flooding.  Even if it was what God had promised.

Todd told me that he was planning on talking with the youth about doing courageous, strong risky things for God. About not being satisfied with the status quo but being willing to take a risk in obedience to Him.  As he was preparing to teach, God said to him, "you are teaching this to these kids - but are you willing to do it yourself? Are you willing to take a risk and move forward with this adoption because I ask you to?"

Todd said he felt like adopting from Uganda was like crossing the Jordan when there was no clear path. And not just no clear path, but when it was overflowing it's banks.  It was clear that God was reminding him that He needed to do this in regard to this adoption.  I couldn't believe it when he told me he was willing to move forward in obedience to God, despite the risk.  I love that I am married to a man who is wise and who isn't easily persuaded (even by his wife in this case) but listens to God and responds when God speaks.

The other thing that was just beautiful and sweet - a little "extra" from God was the fact that when we were married, the theme of our wedding, the theme of our future marriage and life was "entering the promised land." God had given us so many Scriptures - separately and together throughout our life together having to do with entering the land that He had prepared for us - a future that He held. My Granny made the banner to the right that was in our wedding.  Once again, without even realizing it until afterwards, He was giving us this analogy when it came to adopting Joseph.

I wasted no time in calling the adoption agency and filling out the application! When I prayed "God give him a word" I didn't expect it to happen 2 hrs later. Sometimes God answers our prayers quickly and sometimes we have to wait. I had faith that He would answer but I had no idea how suddenly.

After we called the adoption agency, things got underway quickly. Everyone talks about a "paperwork pregnancy" and how much there is do do and accomplish in an overseas adoption. I was expecting it, but still wasn't prepared for how many hours and hours of work there was.  I pretty much spent every spare moment of downtime in our summer on paperwork.  We still scheduled fun things with the kids and trips, but anytime we weren't doing something already scheduled, I knew I  needed to be at the computer.   I am grateful for sabbaths and I tried to be good about taking them, but it felt like a lot of pressure for quite a few months because anytime I had a to spare from doing family / children household stuff - I knew I needed to spend it on paperwork. It felt like there was no end and it even carried over into the fall.

The one part about the paperwork that both Todd and I actually enjoyed was writing out and answering questions about our lives. Sort of a life-story book of ourselves, which was both reflective and cathartic (as Todd described it). Both of us loved to write so there was at least one part that we appreciated doing.

Thankfully near the end of summer and in early fall most of it was accomplished.  The fall was full for Todd with putting together a board and creating a 501c3 to help Home of Hope as well as working on a fundraiser. Both of us had a ton of paperwork, but I focused mainly on adoption and he focused on Home of Hope as a whole. Edith came to visit to do more fundraising for Home of Hope in November and it was wonderful to see what God did.  Todd and the board put together an amazing fundraiser. (photos here in Part 4) 

In September came Todd and Maggie's never-to-be-forgotten trip to Uganda. During these almost three weeks, I didn't have my regular babysitter/helper with Maggie gone. I am so glad for the grandparents who helped out so much as well as Bestie, who helps tutor the kids a few times a week. I had anticipated for it to be difficult but to my surprise, I actually ended up enjoying my time more than I thought I would. We had simplified our schedule during that time out of necessity and it was so great to be home more and feel a bit caught up on home life things. I love being at home with the kids and it seems like we are always running from place to place.  I appreciated the slower pace.

The most stressful part was that the trip happened during Viv's first week of school, but as I have written in our first post (Part I of our adoption story), it went beautifully.  I went with her every day for the first week and arranged different things for the rest of the kids each day.  

One of my favorite parts about those three weeks was how much my relationship with Silas grew. I depended on him, but we also had a lot of fun together. He and Maggie entertain each other most of the time, and are rather inseparable. They are such good friends and they get so silly together, but with Maggie gone, Silas and I really bonded.  When the little girls go to bed, normally Todd and I talk and Maggie and Silas hang out.  But during this time, Silas and I just hung out together, played cards and enjoyed being together.  He told me that he was even a little bit sorry to see them come home because in his own words and way, he told me that he really liked our closeness.  I love him so much. In addition to this, right before they left for the trip, we had some difficult things happen circumstantially. We expected warfare and we definitely went through some. One of them was a huge struggle for Silas that he and I got to work through emotionally and spiritually.  He came out on the other side, hearing from God in a significant way, closer to Him and wanting more of Him.    I loved what God did in his life and how He spoke to him.  

The other bonus of the trip was just the sense of fulfillment I felt and unusual satisfaction that I took from doing my little part to make the (comparatively small) sacrifice at home so that Todd and Maggie could do what they did. They absolutely were thrilled in serving the people of Uganda in both a medical and a teaching capacity. The work they were doing was beautiful and they met God there in a new way. Maggie loved the Ugandan people and told me afterwards that she wished she could live there. They loved meeting Brenda, who we have been sponsoring for years, and the orphanage.  Maggie flourished in a way I have never seen her flourish before. And Todd  told me he felt so blessed and excited to be there. He loves helping people medically and practically. Meeting Joseph at the end of the trip was incredibly significant. You can see in the picture on the left that Todd was trying to hold back tears.  But I will let them write it in their own words in part 8 to come....

Adoption Saga Part VI

Again as I am telling the back story of our adoption process, we also have a lot going on in the present (January 2018). Many of you know that I just got back from meeting Joseph for the first time, which was amazing and emotional and I can't wait to share it with you.  I am going to stick to the order but I also want to post frequently to get this blog up to speed, so here is the next installment back to the spring of 2017.

Adoption Saga Part Six  (Part I Here)

The spring of 2017 felt very busy. We lead busy lives but as the time drew near and we were making preparations for Edith's coming, there just seemed to be so much to do and I felt like the word busy was an understatement. We planned on hosting two pizza nights at our home to give people the flexibility to come when they needed to. Todd spoke with local churches that we are in contact with and we were able to set up time for Edith to speak at Redeemer Eastside the Sunday she was here.  We also had meetings for her with friends and leaders.  She was flying in on a Thursday and leaving the following Monday.

Never having met her, we weren't sure what to expect - and yet we were expectant that God was working. Even though Todd was still thinking a bit about adopting from China, he was open to us talking to Edith about the possibility of adopting from her home and at least having a conversation about it.

We were also hopeful to be able to raise a lot of money for the overcrowded Home of Hope and did what we could to spread the word. We had several meetings for her, a few speaking engagements and places for her to attend. Looking at the schedule the most time we had to just sit down and talk with her was right after she arrived. When she came Thursday afternoon, we loved her right away and she loved meeting our family, but what surprised her the most was Vivien. She didn't know that we had a child with special needs and it was clear that she was enamored with Vivien from the moment she met her.

Edith didn't know that we were going to approach her about adoption, but what we didn't know (and found out later) was that Edith was planning and praying about asking us something as well. Edith was looking for someone to start a board for Home of Hope. Someone who would establish a US presence for Home of Hope and give a means for a 501c3 status. She didn't know us but she had been praying and asking God if we were the ones that she should ask. She said that when she saw Vivien, she knew we were the ones.

The amazing thing is, as the weekend went on Todd was starting to talk and think about offering to help somehow with Home of Hope here in the US. We just weren't sure about all that would entail.

But as we sat down to chat that afternoon, we heard more of Edith's story. I know that I have chronicled some of it here but I will summarize again for you. Edith has several children, but when her son Derek was just a baby he contracted a sickness that left him with hydrocephalus, cerebral palsy and severe special needs. As you may have heard, in Uganda when children have special needs, they are considered curses. Many think they are demon possessed and often the mothers and families and those who care for them are shunned and looked down upon. Many told her she should send him away to a home but Edith loved her son and cared for him. The story is much longer, full of miracles and God's working, but eventually Edith started caring for other children with special needs. Just a few. But then people started dropping off children and babies with special needs at her house - abandoning them on the grounds. Home of Hope was born from this.

We were talking more specifically about her son Derek. He lived 14 years and she loved him dearly. She shared more about his life and his death. Even the circumstances surrounding Derek's death, were quite amazing and miraculous. God's comfort was clear and He showed her his love through it. But as we were talking about Derek's death, I was asking her how long ago it was. He died in 2014 and I asked her about the time of year. She said it was September of 2014. I inquired more about the date and as we talked we realized that the day of Derek's funeral, the day they buried him, was the day that Vivien was born.

We of sat back in awe and realized that God was connecting us inexplicably with Edith, Derek and Home of Hope in many ways. After she told much of her story, we sat down with her and began to tell her some of our story of praying to meet her and a bit of the backstory of God talking with us separately and together about the possibility of adoption. Todd came to the conclusion of our story and asked her if she had ever considered allowing one of the children from Home of Hope to be adopted and would she think about adopting one to us.

Edith sat back and said, "No one has ever asked to adopt one of my kids before. God has spoken to you and now I need to pray and ask Him to speak to me about this." But she told us that even when we were sharing with her, she kept getting a picture in her head of the face of a little three year old boy with cerebral palsy at her home named Joseph.

As the weekend went on and Edith spoke several times, telling the story of how the Lord moved her to begin home of hope. The last day, before she left, I asked her what she thought about the possibility and she said that she had been praying and definitely felt a peace about moving forward with pursuing adoption, when we were ready. We also told her when she asked that we would be willing to do what we could to give Home of Hope a U.S. presence.

After she went home from Uganda, we continued to pray about the next steps. While it seemed clear that God was leading toward helping Home of Hope as a whole, forming a board and moving forward toward that, Todd still was hesitant with jumping in and beginnning a Ugandan adoption.....

Molly's trip to Uganda & Adoption Saga Part V

We want to continue the story of our adoption, but as I (Molly) write a post about what happened last year around this time, I am simultaneously making arrangements to go to Uganda to meet Joseph for the first time in a few weeks. As you know, Todd and Maggie met Joseph in September of 2017 and now it is my turn.

When Edith came in November of 2017 we met with Myriam, the lady from the adoption agency we are working with. In order to adopt from Uganda there are some hurdles. In many countries you can adopt children through different programs without meeting them first. Uganda is a bit more complicated. Myriam told us that she would be traveling in January and said that I could travel with her as I need to meet him before we can continue go forward. So I have spent most of December working hard to try to get flights, prepare all the paperwork and travel documents and get things ready for an international trip. It has been a bit crazy trying to put it all together at Christmastime with only a couple months to prepare.

In addition to this, because traveling to Uganda usually is cheapest through Europe it is the same airfare cost to stop over somewhere in Europe or to buy a direct flight. I have never been there so we decided to take advantage of the opportunity and I will get to also stay a few days afterwards in Europe, with the only costs being travel within Europe and some hotel nights. I will be meeting a friend and her daughter there to travel with and I am grateful to Todd for allowing me some more time there and holding down the fort at home.

Thank you for praying with me as I go. I will be with my friend or Myriam most of the time, but there are a couple of legs that I will be traveling alone, so prayers for safety would be appreciated. Please pray also for my time at Home of Hope with Edith and as I meet Joseph. Pray that our hearts would be knit and that God would continue to grow my love and connection with him. Pray for Todd and the kids at home as well. Because of Vivien, it isn't feasible for Todd and I to travel together to Uganda as we would like, so I am both excited and nervous, but I know that God will give me grace, strength and protection.

In the meantime, here is more of our story, from the beginning of last year. Part I   Part II   Part III  Part IV here.

Part V (Spring 2017)

In the couple of months that followed Todd and I continued to pray about what God had for us. We met with several families who had adopted children from overseas, and a few that had specifically adopted special needs kids. We asked lots of questions and began to read about, familiarize ourselves with and learn all we could about special needs, overseas adoption.

One of the families we met with a few months earlier had several things in common with our family. Nathanael and Carla Burlando also had a baby with Trisomy 18. Their little one did not live long but he opened their hearts to special needs and they have adopted both overseas and domestically (in Canada). God's timing was perfect as Nathanael and three of the kids "happened" to be visiting family in the area right when we were doing our research and thinking things through and were able to come to our house for a short visit. They have an amazing blog carlaburlando.blogspot.com that chronicles some of their journey with their little boy who died shortly after birth, as well as fostering and adoption. I grew up with Nathanael and though I didn't get to meet Carla this time, I have loved getting to know her through her blog and chatting with her online. It was wonderful to meet and hear their story and the joys and challenges of special needs adoption with a large family too.

We talked to our family and a few close friends about our thoughts and plans. They responded with hesitancy and care. Knowing our busy life with Vivien and the kids, they were cautiously optimistic. Yes, the word "crazy" has escaped people's lips more than once as we've shared, but mostly in jest thankfully. Well maybe half jest. But when God speaks, as He clearly had, we didn't want to be deterred. We wanted to be wise in moving forward, but both Todd and I did not feel a need to rush. Instead we prayed and thought and talked and learned.

In the past year, with some of the racial tensions that I had seen across the American landscape, I felt like my heart was really drawn to African adoption. I want to support and love those who may feel marginalized or let down and learn more about their difficulties and know how to help bring positive change. As you know, my cousin Rachel Mubezi lives in Africa and she and her husband are building a hospital there. They had told me about a friend of theirs, Edith, who had a home for special needs children in Uganda. We couldn't help but think that one of those children, who, while they are being cared for well, could have a huge opportunity for better medical care here.

But we had heard a lot of negative things about Ugandan adoption. It is a difficult country to adopt from because there is so much controversy about adoption, with some officials and leaders being pro-adoption and others being anti. There has been past corruption where children are trafficked and adopted our without the parents realizing that their children would actually be gone forever and that they had rescinded their rights.

The law in Uganda now says that you need to live in Uganda for a year and foster a child before you adopt them. We had also heard nightmare stories of disrupted adoptions where people poured their money into adoption and then did not end up with a child. At first, this was discouraging to hear, but my heart continued to think about Uganda.  In January 2017 after the holidays were over Todd and I had a serious conversation about what our next step was going to be. Todd was thinking about China for several reasons. The need is great. There are a lot of children with special needs there waiting to be adopted. The process is very streamlined and much less uncertain than Uganda. Usually only one trip is involved with one parent. It seemed like it could be a good fit.

But at the same time my heart was drawn to an African child and I kept thinking of Edith and her home for kids with special needs. As we talked back and forth I told Todd I was willing to move forward with China if he chose, but I really felt like I wanted to adopt from Uganda, despite the difficulties.

 I had spoken with a lady at an adoption agency who was very clear about the difficulties of Ugandan adoptions.  There are a lot of complications and hurdles that can some up.  One of the biggest challenges for us was that we wouldn't be able to foster in Uganda for a year, especially with Vivien's challenges.  But given the connections we had in the country and the fact that we wanted to adopt a child with special needs vs. a typical healthy child, she told us about an "exceptional circumstances" clause.  She said that she thought given our situation, we could be good candidates for this.

As Todd and I talked and it appeared that we were looking in opposite directions of where to adopt from, he felt like it was best to continue to wait and pray about it. We both knew that in the past, often God brought us together in unity in the right timing when we were willing to wait and pray. Todd reminded me that we weren't in a hurry. On the one hand, I felt frustrated about waiting, but on the other hand, there was also a sense of relief emotionally. I was still getting used to the idea of thinking of caring for another child with special needs.

As I look back on this I see God's kindness to me. In the same way God allowed time for my heart to grow with love as Vivien grew inside of me, he was allowing my heart to grow toward our future boy as well as we waited. I appreciated His timing.

In addition to this, I asked God about the fact that He had seemingly given us direction to adopt and yet, we weren't moving forward. I wanted to make sure that our indecisiveness wasn't somehow disobedience to what He'd asked us. He reminded me of the story in I Samuel of how there was a battle going on and King Saul agreed to meet with Samuel the prophet at an assigned place, where Samuel was going to offer a sacrifice to God. It was only right for priests to offer sacrifices but Samuel was late in meeting Saul. Saul began to fear because the people were starting to get restless and desert from the battle lines. So instead of doing what Samuel - and by extension God - had asked him to do and wait, he moved forward and offered the sacrifice himself. It was a move that was disobedient, despite the appearance of good intentions. It was motivated by fear.

God reminded me that He has told me what to do and I need to wait on His timing. I can trust Him that there is a time to wait instead of push forward, and a time when moving instead of waiting is actually disobedience. When I realized that it was God asking us to wait, it gave me a peace and a settled-ness, despite the fact that it felt like we were doing nothing. I was ok with that and it helped in my emotional process of thinking about our boy trusting God for the future. We continued to pray and ask God for wisdom.

While Todd was still thinking about China, he was also open to exploring the option of somehow talking with my cousin's friend Edith about the possibility of adoption. We weren't sure how this was supposed to happen. She was in Uganda, we were here. We talked with Rachel more about it and she said that she would ask her about adoption in general, but not specifically.

Todd and Maggie had been planning to go on a medical a trip to Uganda in the fall of 2017 for almost a year and a half, before adoption had even been on the table. We have sponsored an orphan girl in Uganda and were connected with her when we went to City Church briefly a few years ago. So it was natural that when they were considering where to go, that they decided to go to Uganda with City Church. They would have the opportunity to do medical missions as well as meet the girl that we have been sponsoring for several years. So I was wondering in January if God was going to make us wait until September for Todd to somehow connect with Edith and approach her with the idea of adoption. It seemed like a long ways away. But we had put it in God's hands and He had said wait. So we waited.

God is so amazing. Truly. Edith had never been to the US in her life. We have never been to Uganda. But in December of 2016 we'd sent a gift to Home of Hope so she had our e-mail. We were on a family trip to Disneyland in February of 2017 when I got an e-mail from a lady named Christa Preston. She told us that her organization was sponsoring Edith to come to the US in order to raise funds to buy land to expand Home of Hope. She said she'd be on the West Coast in San Francisco April and wondered if there was any way we could connect with her. As Todd and I talked it over, we realized that we had just enough air miles to fly her up here and back. We decided to go ahead and do a couple fund raisers from our home and ask if she could speak at any churches while she was here. And while she was here..... we could ask her about adoption.

Again - God just has this sense of humor. He tells us to wait and in the meantime we are thinking and wondering how we can talk to Edith. She is a half a world away. God figuratively says, "You want to talk with Edith? E-mail and phone calling seems awkward? Ok. Fine. I'll just bring her to your house, a month and a half from now." We just sat back in awe and shook our heads. I love how He writes stories and puts things together.

We set about contacting churches and figuring out dates, flights and fundraising and wondering what it would be like to meet her and ask her about the possibility of adoption And wondering how she would respond....

Merry Christmas Letter 2017!

Merry Christmas from the Merrys!

Christmas 2017

Friends and Family,

We hope this letter finds you and those you love enjoying this beautiful time of year.  We’re thankful to have you in our lives and are grateful this season of reflection and giving thanks.

Isaiah 11:1-2 “There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.  And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.”  Truly, Jesus is the reason for all we have and are thankful for.  We’re reminded even more this time of year of the life and joy only He can bring.

This year has been one of new adventures and challenges for us.  A few years ago, we never would have seen ourselves on the path we are walking. Many of you know that we are in the process of adopting a sweet little boy with cerebral palsy named Joseph from Uganda.  We won’t write out all the details here as we have been chronicling the story on this blog (click here to read) but we are excited to see how God is going to bring this about.  We don’t have a set timeline but we are hoping that we will be able to bring him home in a year or so.  Thank you for standing by us, loving and supporting us in this.  

We had a wonderful but busy 2017 with lots of activities and events.  In February we were thrilled to take an epic family trip to CA with the Grandparents and got to do Disneyland and the amusement park circuit, as well as spend some time down in Oceanside at the beach.   In April we received a visit from Edith Lukawbe who runs Home of Hope, a home for children with special needs in Uganda.  We will be adopting Joseph from this home and it was so good  to meet her.  We enjoyed some time in Seaside for the 4^th and a trip to Maggie Lake in August.  Todd spent some time with Silas camping and Molly took the girls to Whistler for a few days.  

Then in September Todd and Maggie took an incredible journey to do medical mission work in Uganda and meet Joseph for the first time.  It was an emotional, amazing, life changing time. They also got to meet sweet Brenda, a girl that we have sponsored in Uganda for some years. November brought Edith back again for a visit and a fundraiser for Home of Hope.  Now we are looking forward to the holidays and in January, of 2018 Molly will be headed to Uganda to meet Joseph for the first time as well as spend a few days in Europe.

Throughout the year we have been active at church and school with Awana, Upwards Basketball, piano, Bible Study and HIS co-op.  The girls have just started gymnastics and are loving it.  All 4 of the oldest kids attend co-op which makes homeschooling a challenge, but we are grateful for the wonderful Betsie Hovater who helps tutor the kids and keep us on track!

Here’s a brief summary of each in our clan….

Vivien (3) – In September, Viv turned three years old!  This meant she graduated out of the “Birth-to-three” program and began attending pre-school for all of her therapy.  She attends four days a week and has been doing so well.  We really appreciate the hard work her teachers put into Vivien’s teaching and play time.  We’ve seen areas of growth already!  They have some excellent goals for her future development and are eager to give her all the opportunities they can.

Iva (5) – Iva has started her kindergarten work at our co-op and is doing so well.  She loves the time in class with other kids.  She’s proving to be our most early reader and has a natural love for snuggling up on the couch with a book.  Nobody can make the whole family laugh like Iva, with her one-liners and running commentary.  Her easy-going personality (most of the time) helps everyone to get along.

Lucie (7) – Lucie Joy’s name has come to mean “Happy Sunshine”.  Her sensitive nature and quiet observation have proven to be one of her greatest strengths.  Lucie loves to play pretend games with Iva and bring animation to any doll.  Lucie had her first year as a cheer leader in the Upward League and looks forward to starting again in January.  She is doing well in school and seems to genuinely love doing good work.

Silas (10) – Silas continues to grow in his engineering abilities.  He is regularly building Lego devices such as vending machines and safe boxes.  He’s taught himself to solder and loves to “re-build” toys and appliances from the thrift store.  The workbench looks like one from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang when he is done.  Silas has also proven to be a natural musician and is regularly coming up with new tunes on the piano.  He has excelled at Upwards Basketball and looks forward to more in January of next year.  He has a dry sense of humor and can often be found teasing or even pranking his mama and sisters!

Maggie(13) – This past year, Maggie and Todd were able to spend a couple weeks on a medical mission trip to Uganda.  This was the opportunity of a lifetime for both her and Todd.  Their time serving together brought memories that will last a long time.  Maggie rose to the occasion several times on the trip as she faced some challenges. They so much enjoyed the others on the team and are looking forward to returning in 2018!  Maggie’s creativity continues to grow, as she crafts, draws and paints every moment she can.

Molly – One of Molly’s favorite things to do is travel and she got a lot of opportunities for short and long trips this year.  She is both looking forward to and nervous about her upcoming trip to Uganda to meet Joseph.  Since she has to fly through Europe she will have the opportunity to meeting a friend over there and exploring for a few days.  She loves regular date nites with Todd a couple times a month.  She is involved in driving kids around, homeschooling, housecleaning, bill paying, and many more things that have to happen to keep life running smoothly with 7.  She stays active jogging at Coulon park 3 days a week, and helps lead a Women of the Word Bible study at her church.  She writes and blogs when she can steal a few moments.  This year there has been months of adoption paperwork added to her “writing”.  She’d been warned about adoption “paperwork pregnanicies” but she knows it will all be worth it in the end.

Todd – The highlight of the year was the trip with Maggie to Uganda.  He loved every moment of their time together, the people they served with and the lives of those they helped.  He felt like it was some of the most gratifying work he’s ever been part of.  Todd loves his job at KCM1 and is thankful for the opportunities he’s given every day to help those in need.  He does lesson planning and homeschooling with the help of Betsie, Molly and the Grandmas.  He continues to serve on the board of HIS co-op and has also enjoyed putting together a board and obtaining a 501c3 status that enables us to give Home of Hope an American branch.

Joseph –  Joseph lives at Home of Hope due to his Cerebral Palsy.  We believe that Joseph is around 3 years old as he was left there as a baby.  While not yet legally part of the family, Joseph’s adoption is steadily progressing forward.  Most of the work required stateside has been complete, we are just needing to jump through some hoops with the Ugandan government.  Joseph has become a regular part of our family discussions and planning and we love the pictures that Edith sends us of him.  When Todd met him he was able to get a little feel for some of his challenges.  He is well taken care of at Home of Hope but at the same time we are looking forward to seeing what can be done for him medically in the US.

Books – Todd enjoyed a few books over the year.  Some of the highlights were "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker, "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas, "Peace Child" by Don Richardson and "A Short Life of Jonathan Edwards" by George Marsden.   But his favorite book of the year was "How We Love" by Milan and Kay Yerkovich.  Such an insightful book on marriage and parenting!

Molly also enjoyed “How We Love”.  She spent quite a bit of time reading books on adoption and attachment, including “The Connected Child”.  She enjoyed “Through a Man’s Eyes” and “For Parent’s Only” by Shaunti Feldhann, Unstoppable by Christine Caine, Killing Kryptonite by John Bevere, Raising Boys, by Steve Biddulph, The Insanity of Obedience by Nik Ripkin and How’s Your Soul, by Judah Smith,

As we look forward to 2018 we have been praying about and evaluating how to de-busy our life.   We know that some of that will come naturally after adopting Joseph but at the same time, we are trying to be intentional about enjoying each other and not making life too crazy.  We have begun date nights with the kids individually to make sure we are spending some on-on-one time with them and we want to be careful to guard our Sabbaths and enjoy just being.

Remembering that the reason Jesus came is to make a way for us to have a relationship with Him that we could not otherwise have, we want to be intentional about our relationship with Him and our loved ones as well as loving those that He came to save!  We are so grateful that He was born.  May 2018 bring to you enriched relationships with Him and with others!

Merry Christmas!