Difficult News and Part 2 of the May Uganda Trip

This post is both an update about what is happening currently (early October 2018) as well as about the second half of my trip to visit Joseph in May. As I write this we have received some very difficult news.

Todd and Maggie are in Uganda and have recently visited Joseph. They are also doing a medical camp with Churchome while they are there and then they will come back on the 18th. We have been hoping and praying that we would get a court date while they were in Uganda.  When Todd arrived we were told there was more paperwork to be completed that we didn't know about, and the turnaround time would not allow a court date during the time Todd was in country.

We were disappointed, but nevertheless planning on completing the paperwork as soon as possible. Todd went to our lawyer's office and filled out paperwork that was then going to be e-mailed to me. I would sign one of the pieces in front of a notary here, then sign the other, and Todd would sign that one in front of a notary in Uganda with Peter, our lawyer. The plan was for this to happen before he left and then Peter could apply for a court date the very next day. It would mean another trip for the court date but at least things were progressing.

I was eagerly waiting for the e-mail when we received some sad news. My cousin had read in the news that our lawyer had died. I scoured the news looking for articles and found it was true. Our lawyer, Peter Nyombi had indeed passed away. There were few articles initially, but more and more came out as time went by. I let Myriam and Todd know. I had no idea that he was once the Attorney General of Uganda and has led a very productive and also controversial life. We are praying for his family and friends and were sorry to hear this news. He was a quiet, kind, smart man. When Todd and Maggie had visited earlier in the week, he had told Maggie a funny story about an elephant.

What this means for the adoption at this point is that everything has halted. We are still hopeful for a court date in November as I believe it is in December or January that the judges take a recess which would prolong the process further. We are still praying for this. Myriam is working with Peter's associates at his office to figure out the next steps as he had several adoption cases he was working on for the agency. It feels discouraging when we were so close to applying for a court date. We are trusting God and praying that He will turn this out for good - and we know that He will in the end. We are frustrated and sorrowful about these events but at the same time confident that we will continue to move forward and we trust Him.

One piece of good news is that we have been given a matching grant toward our adoption from Lifesong for Orphans.  We have chosen not to do much fundraising for our adoption because we have wanted to focus on Home of Hope as a whole.  However we were encouraged by a friend to apply for this grant and we got it.  If you choose to give your funds will be doubled toward bringing Joseph home.  Thanks for considering it.  Click here if you feel led to donate.  Feel free to copy and share this as well.   https://mystory.lifesongfororphans.org/stories/merry-family-is-adopting-joseph-from-uganda/

Please continue to pray that God would open doors and that whatever lawyer we are assigned to will be fast and diligent and wise. Pray for Peter Nyombi's family as well.



In the meantime, here is the second half of my trip in May:

May 2018 Trip Part 2

Saturday morning we had arranged to meet with Brenda. Brenda is a girl that we have sponsored through some friends from Churchome. Her parents are gone and we pay for her to go to Destiny school and get an education, room and board. It was so good to see her, as well as and Ivan and Linda, a wonderful couple who helps provide for her when she is not in school. They brought her to meet us at a restaurant / park. Rachel brought Lois and I had Joseph and we found a little spot to picnic and talk. It was good to see her and spend time with her. I was still feeling a bit exhausted and weepy but we got some time to ourselves to talk. Joseph was fairly happy outside and the weather was pleasant.

After meeting with them we came home and did some laundry and took care of things at home. We fed Joseph many times that day and it seemed like directly after he ate he would always be a little less agitated. We also gave him his proper medicine at night and he was able to fall asleep fairly quickly. He woke up at 4:30 am, Sunday, but because we went to bed early I think I got about 7 hr sleep and felt like a new woman! 

We went to Isaac and Rachel's church in the morning and it was one of the places in Uganda that I felt most comfortable, safe and at home, even though Rachel told me to "watch my purse". 

There are many beautiful things about Uganda, but the poverty level is just so different from ours and people are so much more desperate that I always feel a little on edge with regard to safety. For instance, when we are traveling in a car, it is never a good idea to put your purse on the seat or even on your lap if your window is open or even if your doors are unlocked. Taking a picture with your phone out the window could easily turn into theft if a motorcycle "boda boda" comes swooping by. It isn't like we are always comfortable and safe in the US, but just the unfamiliarity of it kept me on my toes.

Just getting there was an adventure as we didn't want to rent a car just to go to church and there were 7 of us. Rachel and I sat with all 4 of the kids in the back. It is dangerous to have kids up front, but there are no seat belt or car seat laws. It was cozy! 

 Rachel and Isaac have their own parameters for safety having to do with the road they are traveling on, the amount of speed etc and I appreciated how they were cautious despite lack of laws. I would be terrified to drive in Uganda - and Isaac told me he was terrified to drive in the U.S. simply because here in Uganda people watch out for one another and assume that someone is going to be in your way and prepare for that.  He understood that. Even after you walk across a street and think you have made it, there are motorcycles on the sides of the streets that you could be hit by so you get used to really watching out for yourself and others. He said in the US it isn't that way and there are so many rules to remember that he was worried about breaking one and getting into an accident because he didn't understand all the laws. You aren't expecting people to be in front of you at odd times and you expect everyone to obey the laws, so when someone doesn't it is more of a surprise.  You get used to what you grow up with, right?

But once we got to church and joined in the singing and heard a wonderful sermon that was clearly uncompromising and culturally relevant to the people of Uganda, I felt so at home. God is the same everywhere. The Holy Spirit is alive and active and you can sense the presence of Jesus in His people.

It was a new experience for Joseph. We sat in the back and brought a mat for him to lay on, but I ended up holding him most of the time and despite how heavy he was and how tired I was, I really enjoyed it. The loud music and crowd made him tense up when we first came in. I could feel him get tight and anxious. I am glad to be able to start to understand his thoughts and feelings by his body language. I loved holding him and trying to make him feel less anxious and he seemed more relaxed by the end of the service. We fed him during the service which again, was an experience but we did it. I was thankful to be in the back.

Afterwards I got to meet some wonderful people. One lady , Irene, I just felt connected to even though we lived across the world from each other. I could tell that she loved Jesus and from some of the things she said, was committed to obeying him and influencing culture. She had gracious strength about her and I liked her immensely.

After the service Rachel and Isaac went to visit friends' and I opted to stay back with Joseph as I was really ready for some down time by myself. But I also wanted to be helpful and one of the things that Joseph and I were producing a lot of was laundry. Rachel and Isaac have an amazing modern convenience of a washing machine in their home. But again, a washing machine in the US is not like a washing machine in Uganda and there was a process including filling it up with water, and switching hoses at a certain time, hanging everything out to dry afterwards etc. 

 Between that and trying to keep Joseph happy, occupied and fed, there wasn't much down time although I did find that Joseph likes Curious George! I was able to put him in a reclining car-seat in a chair and a laptop in front of him and he was distracted enough for me to get the laundry done. He was still stiffening up and restless and wiggly, but he was happy and occupied. It didn't last that long but I was glad to find something that made him happy. He didn't like being set down by me at all, especially on the floor. 

Isaac and Rachel came back in the evening and we wanted to get to bed early again. We had to get an early start because we were going to Jinja to meet with Mr. Opio. We really needed a report from him that was a key piece in the adoption. We were planning on meeting at David's house, a man who is a board member of Home of Hope, a friend of Edith's, who has a passion for helping the children at Home of Hope.

So though we went to bed early, we were up at 5:00am and I didn't feel that rested. This trip has taken so much emotional and physical energy. We got rolexes for breakfast - a delicious egg and tortilla wrap sort of thing and were off. Traffic in Kampala and Jinja is often bad and it can be unpredictable. This was definitely one of those days. There had been an accident on one of the main roads between Kampala and Jinja and traffic was completely stopped. When Rachel saw the vendors selling snacks and pop on the side of the road (no - it's a real thing and happens often!) she said it was going to be a while. We had borrowed a reclining car-seat for Joseph. Even this was difficult for him to sit in and he did ok with it for a while, but since traffic was stopped, I was able to take him out and hold him and help him to relax. It always amazes me how his little body stops it's twitching and stiffening.  Rachel and I kept switching back and forth from front to back so she could nurse Lois or I could sit by Joseph.

It took a while but eventually the vehicles began to move again. I wanted Joseph to be all changed and fed when we arrived, but with the traffic it was tricky to know when we were going to get there. By the time we got there, he needed to be fed again and then changed and we both ended up a hot sweaty mess.  

We met David, a kind gracious man, eager to help and his lovely family. They had just moved to the home they were in and though the furniture was sparse, there were plastic chairs set up for all of us to sit in. David's adorable granddaughter was running around and eventually fell asleep on his lap. He has a huge heart for the kids at Home of Hope. 

Edith and Mercy came and brought Mr. Opio and all the introductions were made. Mr. Opio asked for paper and a pencil. He told me to write "name" and then put my name down. Then he asked me various questions about my birthday, all my kids names, our income, my hobbies Todd's work and hobbies as I wrote and filled in the blanks. He was there to evaluate me and write a home study report like we have in the states. As he asked me questions I realized that we were not just filling out a form, we were actually making the form as we went along. Like I said, paperwork is done differently in Uganda. We were there for a couple of hours and Isaac helped me hold Joseph some of the time as we were filling out forms.

Afterwards Edith went with Mr. Opio to make sure everything was done and we found out later that she was there most of the afternoon and evening, helping. In addition to this, afterwards David and Isaac helped draft another key piece of paperwork that needed to be done as well. David's wife and children brought us food to eat and we were able to feed Joseph with as well.

We thanked David and then left for "village". It felt a bit like a celebration with Isaac and Rachel because I felt like some of the pressure was off and we had gotten quite a bit of the bigger, more stressful pieces of paperwork done. We still needed to pick up a letter from the Doctor we had visited but we would do that back in Kampala. Now it was time to go to "village" and visit Isaac's family, see the site where the hospital was going to be built, and also see Isaac and Rachel's home that was being built as well.

The road to more rural Uganda was truly beautiful. The terrain actually reminded me a bit of Hawaii without the ocean. I was reading somewhere that though Africa is the poorest of the continents, they are actually the richest in natural resources. There is so much potential there with different infrastructure. Isaac and I talked a lot about ideas that he wishes could be applied in Uganda and the frustration he sometimes feels. But the country is lush and beautiful and as we drove through I couldn't help thinking of Hawaii.

Going to "village" was an experience in itself. It meant going to the place where Isaac grew up. A place where there is almost no electricity, where women have to walk to the well with jerry cans to get water and everything is rural and very, very poor. But it is the place where Isaac and Rachel are building their house and where the hospital is going to be built. When Isaac was young he got tired of seeing so many people get sick and die for treatable things because they were so far from good health care. He got a vision, even at a young age for building a hospital. 

I have so much respect both for Isaac and Rachel. They have this amazing, big, vision. Very clearly it is one God has given them. Isaac grew up with his mother and was very poor. His father had 10 wives. His mother had at least 7 living children, but there are only 2 left. Both he and his brother are Christians. The rest of his siblings have died of Aids. Many people in rural areas of Africa live whole lives just a few miles from where they were born. But some want to move to the big cities, usually to find better work. If they become a doctor it is usually because they want to get a job in Kampala and make money. 

 But Isaac's vision has always been to become a doctor and come back to his village. To truly serve the people that need medical care. The idea isn't to make a lot of money but to give back to his community. Isaac is such a man of integrity who loves God, loves his family and has a vision of the work God have given him. He is so patient with the kids and loving to Rachel. I love their relationship and even watching them in stressful situations - and I've seen a few while I am here, they still really like each other a lot. They work well together.

Here was this young man who had a vision for a hospital, and God brought this girl from the US who wanted to help children with special needs. They fell in love and because of Rachel's ties to the US, they are able to come to the US for fundraising and God is providing for Isaac's vision for his family and his people. He has come from this difficult place with a difficult heritage and God has brought amazing redemption to his life. It is fascinating to understand where he has come from and see God's work.

Rachel has made a sacrifices to live in Africa but her vision is big too. She has found joy here. Both of them have encouraged me so much. Rachel has reminded me several times about the adoption that, " this was not your idea". That it is God's. Especially during this week when things have felt difficult and overwhelming. This is God's idea and he will give grace to see it through. She said, "Living in Africa was not my idea either" but God have given her great grace as she goes sometimes months with no water or electricity. She has grit and determination and strength to do what is set before her. There were times this week that both of us cried and weren't afraid to show it. Our vision and purpose is from God and we know that He is the one to see it through.

At the same time these beautiful people of Uganda are showing their grit and determination as well. I think of Edith staying with Mr. Opio the rest of the day to make sure all the paperwork is done, driving him around and still trying to take care of all of her responsibilities at Home of Hope. Of David opening his home to us and helping with the forms for Joseph.

The home Isaac and Rachel are building in "village" has been well thought out, as the hospital has been, with its own water supply, own solar panels and power. Isaac and Rachel's home will also have space as a guest house for western workers who will volunteer their work at the hospital and on the grounds and in many ways. The hospital will provide jobs and income for the community and people will most likely come from miles around. It will boost the economy and provide both health care and work for those there.

I got to see the unfinished house and grounds as well as the place where the hospital is to be built. We went to the cemetery and visited Elijah's grave. Rachel's firstborn son Elijah was carried all the way to term and then was stillborn at delivery while she was there in Africa. There will be an Elijah Mubezi Maternity wing in the hospital that is to be built. So many women in Africa have childbirth complications and Rachel is one with them and has her own story. There were some tears as we visited his grave.

Then we went to Isaac's mother's house. We sat outside in the courtyard on plastic chairs in the shade. There were big huge smiles as friends and family crowded around to see us as we arrived. This was Isaac's mother's first time getting to see her grand-baby Lois and she just beamed the whole time. We had gin nuts, and the freshest, juiciest, sweet - with just the right tartness -mangoes I have ever eaten, as well as the most delicious "tea" which is mostly sugar and whole milk, which is why it was so scrumptious.

 

I loved making eye contact and waving at the little children who hung around the periphery of the party and squeezing their hands before we left. I held Joseph most of the time and listened to the chatter and met more and more people who kept coming by to say hi. Joseph was happy and loved sucking on mango seeds and getting the juice out. It was one of my most favorite parts of the trip.

After village we went back toward Jinja as were bringing Joseph back in the morning and stayed at a hotel that is along the Nile. We got there basically in time to go to sleep and then get up, eat breakfast and got to Home of Hope in the morning. Joseph was exhausted from the day's events and fell asleep right away, waking up early as usual. I did enjoy waking up this time, opening the curtains in the cool morning air and looking out on the Nile. I showered and mashed up bananas and mangoes for his breakfast. I was hoping for something like oatmeal for him, but he just ended up with a lot of fruit.

As we drove to Home of Hope to bring him back I was a bit anxious as to how he would do when he left me. The last time I left was so difficult. I know that he loves Edith, but he has bonded to me in a way that surprised me. I decided that when we went to Home of Hope I would hold him as long as I could, until the very end. When we first got there he tensed up a bit and clutched me harder. The lower lip came out, but I kept telling him I wasn't leaving yet and I just kept him in my arms. It was wonderful to visit with Edith and see that she is recovering well from her hospital stay. It was also amazing to see the progress on the new building, which we had fundraised for the last time Edith was in the US. They were almost ready to move in and were completing some of the final parts of it as I arrived.

Edith gave us the grand tour and it was good to see so many of the children and familiar faces from before. When it was finally time to say goodbye, I gave Joseph to Edith and told him I was leaving and it was much less traumatic than I thought it would be. Unfortunately, we found out later, that he didn't really understand I was leaving at the time, and it sounds like he got pretty upset when he realized I was truly gone. It just made me feel more determined to do all we can to speed up this process. Unfortunately, much of it is out of my hands, but we will keep praying.

On the way home we stopped to get the letter from the doctor to give to Peter the lawyer. But it wasn't notarized and we had to go back and make sure that happened. We also needed them e-mailed so it ended up being an all day process but we came back with the letters, the report from Mr. Opio and the other document that Isaac and David helped draft. It felt strange not to have Joseph with us, and I kept feeling like I needed to check on him and make sure he was ok, but he wasn't there.

When we finally got home it was actually night time and we got ice cream to celebrate having all the paperwork. Expensive ice cream. Even in American dollars ice cream is outrageously expensive in Uganda. But it was worth celebrating. We stayed up way too late talking and laughing into the night but it was the last night and it felt like much of the pressure was off and we'd gotten what we set out to get.

The next day Isaac and I met with Peter the lawyer. He wanted some of the wording changed on the doctor letter so we will try to make that happen but he was pleased. We went to "market" where we could buy fresh fruits and vegetables and that was another unique experience all on it's own. It was a bit like a farmers market in the US - but bigger, with a lot more people and a lot more bargaining.

 

In the evening I said my goodbyes to Rachel, Lois and the boys and Isaac brought me to see sweet Brenda one more time. We met with Linda and Ivan as well and had dinner and then they dropped me off at the airport. When we them the Saturday before, Linda had asked for some sizes of the girls at home and she'd made the cutest dresses for all 4 my girls in just a few days. They were amazing. I was glad we got to see the three of them before we left.

It was a stressful, physically exhausting, amazingly beautiful, culturally eye opening, happy, life changing couple of weeks and my heart is definitely burning for Joseph to come home soon. At the same time, I was grateful and relieved to be going home.

One of the things I have thought a lot about is all the effort and time we are putting into this adoption, the thousands of dollars we are spending to see this accomplished. Joseph is just one little boy. One little boy in a home of 60 kids who all need funds and love, and in a country of even more who need resources. I've thought about the ethics of spending this much on one when more could be helped with the money and effort we are putting forth. And yet I know that God has called us to this "one" I know he has asked us to love and adopt Joseph.

While I was in Uganda, I believe it was Sunday or Monday, I "happened" to read the parable of how Jesus leaves the ninety nine safe in the fold to go rescue the "one" sheep in Luke 15:3-7. I know that based on the thought swirling around in my head that this wasn't just a coincidence that I am reading through my Bible and came across this passage today. Joseph is our sweet "one".

This is what Jesus does for us. We are his "one". I believe that Jesus chose to have a relationship with us because he wanted us and somehow - we bless him through this relationship while at the same time we are blessed by Him. I also know that we are not going to just bless Joseph - but that we will be blessed by him as well. We will benefit too, in our relationship with him. I am blessed by my relationship with Jesus and I believe that He delights in me - that and wants this relationship. In the same way, we will be blessed by Joseph and the end result will be that we will all be blessed. Jesus left the 99 because he knew we needed him - but I believe that He also benefits from and delights in a relationship with us and it will be the same with Joseph.

The song "Reckless Love" has been a theme for Todd and I in this adoption as it talks about "leaving the 99". We want to love like Jesus does and we know we are going to reap the fruit of a deeper relationship - both with Him and with Joseph.

In the meantime, we hurry up and wait. Any time there is paperwork that comes up, we do it as quickly as possible and then wait some more.... We are trusting God for what the future holds.