Purpose: So if you could take one thing and say "this is what we are supposed to strive after more than any other", what would it be? What is our purpose?
What did Jesus say we are supposed to seek first? - Mt 6:33)
Soooo – if we are supposed to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, how do you define “the kingdom of God?” Any good hermeneutical professor will tell you – let the Bible define the Bible. So where is the kingdom of God defined? - Rom 14:17.
Sooooo – if the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit – and we are supposed to seek this first, my question is, are you seeking 1/3 of the equation more than the other, or are you seeking all three?
Personally, my experience has been that I put of utmost importance seeking to be righteous. Integrity, righteousness, good character, good works etc – are all things I’ve wanted to “do”. Honestly, in the past, I’ve seen joy and peace merely as emotions that are much less important than seeking after righteousness. It is easy to have the notion that to seek joy or peace or fulfillment is selfishness, or at best, an unnecessary distraction.
Seek means “to aim at or strive after”. Soooo... do we sometimes seek (aim at, strive after) only 1/3 of what God wants us to seek first? Do we occasionally believe the lie that it's selfish to seek joy and peace in the Holy Spirit? Seeking righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit has changed my life!
The thing is, Scripture also says, "you were created for good works" (Eph 2:10). So we go about thinking "I gotta seek first doing good works". But Jesus knew a secret. If we are REALLY filled with JOY - true joy and peace in the Holy Spirit... there is no way we are not going to do good works. It will happen! I love this!
I'm discovering that “good works” come out of a life filled with righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit and it is so much more fun that trying to do “good works” or “do righteousness.” I believe it is way more effective too. Preaching the gospel will just happen. The "good news" will be effectively flowing out of my life if I am filled with righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. CS Lewis said, “Duty is a crutch for love.” I will love better if I am not loving out of duty, but out of joy!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lucie's Birth Story
Short Version:
Lucie (Lucille) Joy was born Monday, February 8th (9 days late! :0) at 7:00 pm. She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 20 3/4 inches long. We had a longer than expected labor but there were no complications and we are praising God for a very healthy labor and delivery. We think she looks so much like Maggie did when she was a baby. She is eating and sleeping well and growing. She is very loved by her big sister and brother and we are enjoying every bit of her. Thanking Jesus for Lucie!
Long Version:
Lucie (Lucille) Joy was definitely in some ways, the most anticipated birth of our three children – at least in the last couple weeks. Maggie came six days early – so we weren’t expecting her quite so quickly. Silas came 2 days early and we’d just moved into our house so each day was another day to unpack boxes and get organized to make things ready for his arrival. We weren’t sitting around wondering when he was going to come.
Lucie was another story. Because Maggie and Silas were both early, and because generally the more babies you have, the earlier they arrive, we were expecting Lucie and trying to be ready for her at least a couple weeks in advance. We were crazy busy in early January, getting together with friends “ before the baby comes” but had cleared the last couple weeks on our calendar just to be ready. Lucie’s due date was the 30th, so we were expecting her well before that. As the days went by we went from frantically trying to get everything all perfect to feeling under control, to almost getting bored. We’d cleared the calendar and as each day passed that she was later and later, the house got cleaner, I got more things organized, got bigger and more irritable. I felt like I wanted everything clean at all times so we could be ready and I was like a drill sergeant when it came to tidiness.
After a while, we decided to go ahead and spend time with friends that we’d put off until after labor. So we began to have friends over for dinner and carry on life like normal. Sunday the 7th (8 days after her due date!) we had friends over after church. I did notice that morning during the sermon that my contractions were frequent. I’d had so many days and nights of pretty strong contractions and so many times that I thought “this is it” and then been disappointed that I’d gotten very good at ignoring them and going on with life. I figured when they’d get bad enough, I’d notice. Sunday morning I noticed they were about 10-15 minutes apart throughout the sermon and afterwards, and were staying consistent. But they weren’t extremely painful or anything so I continued to ignore them. We did tell our friends and I think they were watching me a little more closely than normal to see how I reacted to things.
By Sunday afternoon I was thinking something was up because they were so consistent. I decided to just rest all afternoon and the kids and I sat on the bed and Todd read and I worked on the computer. I kept timing and they continued to be consistent so we decided to bring the kids over to Grandpa and Grandma’s just in case. They were planning on staying there when we were in labor, and though I wasn’t sure I figured if I was in labor, we wouldn’t have to bring them over in the middle of the night. If I wasn’t – they’d have a good time having a slumber party and Richard and Linda wouldn’t mind. We went over there and spent some time chatting and then went home and got ready for bed. I laid down for an hour or so.
At 9:00 pm they started to get stronger and I began to remember what labor really felt like. I was excited that it seemed to be really happening, while at the same time, fighting a little fear, because labor is hard work and painful. It is such a mixed feeling. I was glad it was here, but not looking forward to the pain. At about 10:00 or so we got up and I decided it was time. Contractions were only 8 minutes apart or so, but this was my 3rd and I also knew that because of a (fairly common) pre-existing condition I needed a certain amount of antibiotics when I went into labor. We were admitted into triage at about 11:30 after a bumpy wheelchair ride, asking Todd to stop when I had a contraction. They watched her heart rate and my contractions.
We called our support team and Mom, Mom Merry and Andrea arrived soon afterwards, coming in to say hi before we were admitted into the birthing room for the rest of the delivery. My doctor came and introduced herself. Because I am with a clinic of 6 women doctors who are all on call at different times, I hadn’t met the doctor on call, but she was very nice and did a great job.
We got all set up in gown and bed in the birthing room, met our nurse and settled in. When I first thought about pregnancy long ago, I had considered home birth. But Todd being the cautious fireman that he is has insisted on the hospital and I really have come to love having babies at the hospital.
As the night progressed, the contractions got stronger, but really not that close together. I was surprised by how long labor took. The antibiotics take a certain amount of time to go in and with both Maggie and Silas, we only got one dose in before I had them. Not so with Lucie. I expected her labor to be short. Maggie’s hard labor was about 10 hrs and Silas’s was about 5 so I assumed that Lucie’s would be even shorter, as is typical of a third baby. Not so. At about 2:00 I remember the doctor coming in and saying that at 4:00 she’d come back in to check on me. I thought that Lucie for sure would be here by then and said, “I hope that she doesn’t have to come back then.” Little did I know that Lucie wouldn’t be born until 7:00 am!
The hardest things about this labor was the length. The good news was that my contractions stayed at 6-8 minutes apart for most of the labor, giving me a nice amount of time to rest in between each one. The bad news was that I did not labor very fast and was rather stuck at 8 cm for a long time. I kept thinking it was getting close and our nurse was very nice but I know that she got tired of me asking to be checked. I wanted to be at 10!
I tend to withdraw into myself when I labor and hardly move and keep my eyes shut and relaxed, trying to relax even more deeply when I have a contraction. Words are rare and few and heaven forbid that I move at all. But at around 5:00 am I gave in to the suggestion of walking to speed up labor. I did NOT want to do it, but I did want to progress. As it was, I only walked about 5 or 10 minutes. Then I was down again. The contractions were intense. They start and you get a wave of pain, and then another wave and another wave and you think “it must have peaked now!” and yet another stronger one. Some of them were 2 or 3 minutes long.
It is funny what you remember in labor. At one point I remember looking at Mom, Mom Merry and Andrea sort of dozing in and out and wishing very sincerely that I were them. At the beginning, with each contraction I was praying, “Thank You God that this is bringing me closer to Lucie. Thank You that Lucie will be here soon.” By the end my prayer had changed to begging “Lord, let this be done soon!” He was gracious though and overall, it was a good labor.
One thing that I noticed even as I was laboring was how mental it all was. I Cor 10:5 talks about bringing every thought you have to Christ in obedience. In this past year, a common theme that God has been teaching me about is how detrimental fear is in a person’s life, how much it controls many more aspects of life than we think. Fear is really the opposite of trusting God that He will take care of us. We don’t think of fear as a very bad thing, in fact, we often call it other words like “caution” or “wisdom”, but Scripture tells us not to fear around 200 times. That is a serious command. Fear is not just an emotion. Scripture says that fear is a spirit. Personally he has been showing me areas where I need to not make decisions based on fear of what “might happen” but instead on His goodness.
I remember as the time passed being so tired, and thinking about how long this was taking. When I was stuck at 8 cm, I remember thinking, “I still have to get to 10 – and then after that, I still have to push!” Every time I would think about what needed to happen still in the future, I would start to be afraid and think I couldn’t handle it. But if instead, I just focused on the contraction at hand and thought about what was happening right now, I was fine. I remember choosing to not think about the future and to discipline myself not to fear what was going to happen but to focus on what was happening, even as I was laboring. God was good to give me this insight, even in the midst of all that was happening and it really did help. He gives grace for the moment and we do not need to worry about the future as it says in Matthew 5.
At about 4:00 or so my antibiotics were finished and the doctor told me she would break my water. I was SO looking forward to that, because I knew that things would speed up afterwards. Exactly like Maggie, I was carrying Lucie so high and my water had not broken even though I was at 8. This labor was so similar to Maggie’s in many ways. From that time until about 6:30 or so I kept hoping that I was at a 10. When my body began to push involuntarily I knew we were there. The doctor checked me and I was given the go ahead at 6:40.
I was so tired and not looking forward to pushing and yet, I was impatient to get it over and done with. Because my contractions were still fairly far apart, I didn’t want to wait in between but to get it over with. I did wait though, because I learned the hard way in Maggie’s labor not to push when your body isn’t ready. The doctor asked if I wanted advice and gave me a new position. As soon as I changed to that position, and waited for the first contraction, it took about two pushes and her head was out. I remember asking, “Is her head out?” and receiving the yes and being so grateful. In another push her body was out and I just thanked God for Lucie over and over.
Lucie had meconium in her water so they had to suction her, but after that I got to have her and she was just perfect. She looked so much like Maggie did as a newborn and was healthy and pink. I had a small tear with two stitches but that was taken care of quickly and easily. I have yet to feel the ring of fire in my labors, and I am grateful for that. God was so good and we were very grateful for a wonderful healthy 8 lb 1 oz baby girl. Todd couldn’t stop smiling and held her even more than I did. The Grandmas were pleased and Andrea did a great job taking pictures. Lucie nursed well at 8:00 that morning.
My labor was so similar to Maggie’s and even some of the pictures of Maggie and Lucie as newborns are hard to tell apart. I went into light labor from about 9 am-9 pm with both Maggie and Lucie. I had harder labor from about 9:00 pm on and had to have my water broken for both labors. In addition to this, both of them were born at 7:00 am. Definitely sisters! Lucie took her time though. The pushing was so short that actually, her labor was even longer than Maggie’s because I spent quite a bit of time pushing with Maggie.
We made some phone calls and at 9:00 Lucie got to meet her sister and brother and Pada and Grandma Linda. Silas was a bit reticent at first, but he has warmed up to her well. He loves to do “jobs” for Lucie. He is the pacifier keeper and loves to fetch her blankets and diapers and whatever I need. Maggie’s the little mother, who hugs and kisses her all the time and says fervently, “I love Lucie sooooo much. She is sooooo cute.”
Lucie is doing well almost a week later and slept through the night, waking only twice to eat and then go right back to sleep recently – and we are very glad about that!
There was one very special thing that happened. On the way to Grandpa and Grandma’s Maggie was asking about when Lucie was going to be born. She has asked this a lot and usually I reply that God knows the perfect time for her to be born. This time I told her, “Ask God when she’s going to be born.” I was laughing a little bit and we continued on with the conversation, but a few minutes later she said, “God told me she is going to be born tomorrow.” It made me smile and I asked her when tomorrow, and she said, “In the morning.” I was pleased that she was conversing with God and I knew that no matter what happened, I was just glad for her to be praying and relating to Him. But when she WAS born the next morning, it meant a lot to me that Maggie heard from Him.
Whether it was a coincidence or not (which I don’t believe it was) the important thing was that she was enjoying a relationship with Him. And I knew it was a specific answer to a prayer of mine. I have been learning about hearing God’s voice, talking with Him and wanting to really be sensitive to Him. I was thinking about this, and about how John the Baptist was filled with the Holy Spirit in the womb, and how God spoke to Samuel when he was just a little boy. So in the past couple weeks, I have been praying that God would speak to our kids and that they would know Him and believe that He is personal and that He relates to them. What a wonderful answer to prayer when we were able to talk with Maggie about it and how God spoke to her. I want her little faith to be built. And it built mine at the same time.
We are very grateful for all of our children and are excited to watch Lucie grow and her faith in God be built as well. He is good!
Lucie (Lucille) Joy was born Monday, February 8th (9 days late! :0) at 7:00 pm. She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 20 3/4 inches long. We had a longer than expected labor but there were no complications and we are praising God for a very healthy labor and delivery. We think she looks so much like Maggie did when she was a baby. She is eating and sleeping well and growing. She is very loved by her big sister and brother and we are enjoying every bit of her. Thanking Jesus for Lucie!
Long Version:
Lucie (Lucille) Joy was definitely in some ways, the most anticipated birth of our three children – at least in the last couple weeks. Maggie came six days early – so we weren’t expecting her quite so quickly. Silas came 2 days early and we’d just moved into our house so each day was another day to unpack boxes and get organized to make things ready for his arrival. We weren’t sitting around wondering when he was going to come.
Lucie was another story. Because Maggie and Silas were both early, and because generally the more babies you have, the earlier they arrive, we were expecting Lucie and trying to be ready for her at least a couple weeks in advance. We were crazy busy in early January, getting together with friends “ before the baby comes” but had cleared the last couple weeks on our calendar just to be ready. Lucie’s due date was the 30th, so we were expecting her well before that. As the days went by we went from frantically trying to get everything all perfect to feeling under control, to almost getting bored. We’d cleared the calendar and as each day passed that she was later and later, the house got cleaner, I got more things organized, got bigger and more irritable. I felt like I wanted everything clean at all times so we could be ready and I was like a drill sergeant when it came to tidiness.
After a while, we decided to go ahead and spend time with friends that we’d put off until after labor. So we began to have friends over for dinner and carry on life like normal. Sunday the 7th (8 days after her due date!) we had friends over after church. I did notice that morning during the sermon that my contractions were frequent. I’d had so many days and nights of pretty strong contractions and so many times that I thought “this is it” and then been disappointed that I’d gotten very good at ignoring them and going on with life. I figured when they’d get bad enough, I’d notice. Sunday morning I noticed they were about 10-15 minutes apart throughout the sermon and afterwards, and were staying consistent. But they weren’t extremely painful or anything so I continued to ignore them. We did tell our friends and I think they were watching me a little more closely than normal to see how I reacted to things.
By Sunday afternoon I was thinking something was up because they were so consistent. I decided to just rest all afternoon and the kids and I sat on the bed and Todd read and I worked on the computer. I kept timing and they continued to be consistent so we decided to bring the kids over to Grandpa and Grandma’s just in case. They were planning on staying there when we were in labor, and though I wasn’t sure I figured if I was in labor, we wouldn’t have to bring them over in the middle of the night. If I wasn’t – they’d have a good time having a slumber party and Richard and Linda wouldn’t mind. We went over there and spent some time chatting and then went home and got ready for bed. I laid down for an hour or so.
At 9:00 pm they started to get stronger and I began to remember what labor really felt like. I was excited that it seemed to be really happening, while at the same time, fighting a little fear, because labor is hard work and painful. It is such a mixed feeling. I was glad it was here, but not looking forward to the pain. At about 10:00 or so we got up and I decided it was time. Contractions were only 8 minutes apart or so, but this was my 3rd and I also knew that because of a (fairly common) pre-existing condition I needed a certain amount of antibiotics when I went into labor. We were admitted into triage at about 11:30 after a bumpy wheelchair ride, asking Todd to stop when I had a contraction. They watched her heart rate and my contractions.
We called our support team and Mom, Mom Merry and Andrea arrived soon afterwards, coming in to say hi before we were admitted into the birthing room for the rest of the delivery. My doctor came and introduced herself. Because I am with a clinic of 6 women doctors who are all on call at different times, I hadn’t met the doctor on call, but she was very nice and did a great job.
We got all set up in gown and bed in the birthing room, met our nurse and settled in. When I first thought about pregnancy long ago, I had considered home birth. But Todd being the cautious fireman that he is has insisted on the hospital and I really have come to love having babies at the hospital.
As the night progressed, the contractions got stronger, but really not that close together. I was surprised by how long labor took. The antibiotics take a certain amount of time to go in and with both Maggie and Silas, we only got one dose in before I had them. Not so with Lucie. I expected her labor to be short. Maggie’s hard labor was about 10 hrs and Silas’s was about 5 so I assumed that Lucie’s would be even shorter, as is typical of a third baby. Not so. At about 2:00 I remember the doctor coming in and saying that at 4:00 she’d come back in to check on me. I thought that Lucie for sure would be here by then and said, “I hope that she doesn’t have to come back then.” Little did I know that Lucie wouldn’t be born until 7:00 am!
The hardest things about this labor was the length. The good news was that my contractions stayed at 6-8 minutes apart for most of the labor, giving me a nice amount of time to rest in between each one. The bad news was that I did not labor very fast and was rather stuck at 8 cm for a long time. I kept thinking it was getting close and our nurse was very nice but I know that she got tired of me asking to be checked. I wanted to be at 10!
I tend to withdraw into myself when I labor and hardly move and keep my eyes shut and relaxed, trying to relax even more deeply when I have a contraction. Words are rare and few and heaven forbid that I move at all. But at around 5:00 am I gave in to the suggestion of walking to speed up labor. I did NOT want to do it, but I did want to progress. As it was, I only walked about 5 or 10 minutes. Then I was down again. The contractions were intense. They start and you get a wave of pain, and then another wave and another wave and you think “it must have peaked now!” and yet another stronger one. Some of them were 2 or 3 minutes long.
It is funny what you remember in labor. At one point I remember looking at Mom, Mom Merry and Andrea sort of dozing in and out and wishing very sincerely that I were them. At the beginning, with each contraction I was praying, “Thank You God that this is bringing me closer to Lucie. Thank You that Lucie will be here soon.” By the end my prayer had changed to begging “Lord, let this be done soon!” He was gracious though and overall, it was a good labor.
One thing that I noticed even as I was laboring was how mental it all was. I Cor 10:5 talks about bringing every thought you have to Christ in obedience. In this past year, a common theme that God has been teaching me about is how detrimental fear is in a person’s life, how much it controls many more aspects of life than we think. Fear is really the opposite of trusting God that He will take care of us. We don’t think of fear as a very bad thing, in fact, we often call it other words like “caution” or “wisdom”, but Scripture tells us not to fear around 200 times. That is a serious command. Fear is not just an emotion. Scripture says that fear is a spirit. Personally he has been showing me areas where I need to not make decisions based on fear of what “might happen” but instead on His goodness.
I remember as the time passed being so tired, and thinking about how long this was taking. When I was stuck at 8 cm, I remember thinking, “I still have to get to 10 – and then after that, I still have to push!” Every time I would think about what needed to happen still in the future, I would start to be afraid and think I couldn’t handle it. But if instead, I just focused on the contraction at hand and thought about what was happening right now, I was fine. I remember choosing to not think about the future and to discipline myself not to fear what was going to happen but to focus on what was happening, even as I was laboring. God was good to give me this insight, even in the midst of all that was happening and it really did help. He gives grace for the moment and we do not need to worry about the future as it says in Matthew 5.
At about 4:00 or so my antibiotics were finished and the doctor told me she would break my water. I was SO looking forward to that, because I knew that things would speed up afterwards. Exactly like Maggie, I was carrying Lucie so high and my water had not broken even though I was at 8. This labor was so similar to Maggie’s in many ways. From that time until about 6:30 or so I kept hoping that I was at a 10. When my body began to push involuntarily I knew we were there. The doctor checked me and I was given the go ahead at 6:40.
I was so tired and not looking forward to pushing and yet, I was impatient to get it over and done with. Because my contractions were still fairly far apart, I didn’t want to wait in between but to get it over with. I did wait though, because I learned the hard way in Maggie’s labor not to push when your body isn’t ready. The doctor asked if I wanted advice and gave me a new position. As soon as I changed to that position, and waited for the first contraction, it took about two pushes and her head was out. I remember asking, “Is her head out?” and receiving the yes and being so grateful. In another push her body was out and I just thanked God for Lucie over and over.
Lucie had meconium in her water so they had to suction her, but after that I got to have her and she was just perfect. She looked so much like Maggie did as a newborn and was healthy and pink. I had a small tear with two stitches but that was taken care of quickly and easily. I have yet to feel the ring of fire in my labors, and I am grateful for that. God was so good and we were very grateful for a wonderful healthy 8 lb 1 oz baby girl. Todd couldn’t stop smiling and held her even more than I did. The Grandmas were pleased and Andrea did a great job taking pictures. Lucie nursed well at 8:00 that morning.
My labor was so similar to Maggie’s and even some of the pictures of Maggie and Lucie as newborns are hard to tell apart. I went into light labor from about 9 am-9 pm with both Maggie and Lucie. I had harder labor from about 9:00 pm on and had to have my water broken for both labors. In addition to this, both of them were born at 7:00 am. Definitely sisters! Lucie took her time though. The pushing was so short that actually, her labor was even longer than Maggie’s because I spent quite a bit of time pushing with Maggie.
We made some phone calls and at 9:00 Lucie got to meet her sister and brother and Pada and Grandma Linda. Silas was a bit reticent at first, but he has warmed up to her well. He loves to do “jobs” for Lucie. He is the pacifier keeper and loves to fetch her blankets and diapers and whatever I need. Maggie’s the little mother, who hugs and kisses her all the time and says fervently, “I love Lucie sooooo much. She is sooooo cute.”
Lucie is doing well almost a week later and slept through the night, waking only twice to eat and then go right back to sleep recently – and we are very glad about that!
There was one very special thing that happened. On the way to Grandpa and Grandma’s Maggie was asking about when Lucie was going to be born. She has asked this a lot and usually I reply that God knows the perfect time for her to be born. This time I told her, “Ask God when she’s going to be born.” I was laughing a little bit and we continued on with the conversation, but a few minutes later she said, “God told me she is going to be born tomorrow.” It made me smile and I asked her when tomorrow, and she said, “In the morning.” I was pleased that she was conversing with God and I knew that no matter what happened, I was just glad for her to be praying and relating to Him. But when she WAS born the next morning, it meant a lot to me that Maggie heard from Him.
Whether it was a coincidence or not (which I don’t believe it was) the important thing was that she was enjoying a relationship with Him. And I knew it was a specific answer to a prayer of mine. I have been learning about hearing God’s voice, talking with Him and wanting to really be sensitive to Him. I was thinking about this, and about how John the Baptist was filled with the Holy Spirit in the womb, and how God spoke to Samuel when he was just a little boy. So in the past couple weeks, I have been praying that God would speak to our kids and that they would know Him and believe that He is personal and that He relates to them. What a wonderful answer to prayer when we were able to talk with Maggie about it and how God spoke to her. I want her little faith to be built. And it built mine at the same time.
We are very grateful for all of our children and are excited to watch Lucie grow and her faith in God be built as well. He is good!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Helpmeet and Submission
by Molly
When it comes to married life, women and the Bible, it seems like there are essentially two things that are emphasized in Scripture.
1. We are to be our husbands helpmeet.
2. We are to respectfully submit to him as to the Lord.
What I find fascinating about these two things is that we really need a good understanding of each in order to be and do the other.
On the positive side, to submit to our husbands as to the Lord is a beautiful thing. When we truly consider his thoughts and opinions on life, our perspectives can change. In a good marriage, we are partners with someone who thinks very differently than we do. Men and women are different. Countless books and studies confirm this. The more I get to know my husband, the more I see that there are certain things that would benefit me if I were a little more like him. This doesn’t mean that I give up who I am as a woman or try to be more like a man, but it does mean that I become more well rounded in who I am and in how I look at life. When, through submission, I hear his thoughts, see his goals and listen to his heart, there are times that I wish I were more like him. I truly do admire my husband.
In addition to this, there are times when we may not agree and he knows it, but he also knows that I will do my best to submit to him with a right attitude. This is when it gets tricky, but submitting to him by allowing him to fail and accepting the consequences sometimes can be the wisest thing to do. And other times, when I submit to him even if I disagree… I find out later that he is (gulp)…. right!
On the positive side of being a helpmeet, there is nothing more thrilling and satisfying than truly helping him and being appreciated for it. The other day my husband turned to me, and I could tell that he was going to say something important. Actually I am sorry to say that I was thinking he looked very serious and was going to tell me something negative. But instead he surprised me by giving me a very sincere and praiseworthy compliment about something that he often doesn’t always seem to notice. He had seen my heart in a specific area, and the time and effort I’d spent doing something that blessed him and he really did appreciate it. It made my day – maybe even my week.
We can be our husbands helpmeets in many areas – practically in home things, mentally in supplying him with ideas, emotionally by supporting him in difficult times and praising him, sexually by meeting his needs, and spiritually by motivating him toward God in our actions, words and attitudes. I think for me, when I know that I am helping my husband spiritually or emotionally and that I have touched his heart or his spirit by my words, I am more satisfied and fulfilled than I can even express. I love connecting with him heart to heart and spirit to spirit, and actually helping him see things of God or move closer to God.
Isn’t it interesting though, that in being the wife our man needs includes both submitting and helping… and if we emphasize one above the other, we can actually bring negative things into our marriage and become out of balance. Let me explain.
As I said before, I love really and truly helping my husband spiritually and emotionally. But have you noticed that sometimes “help” can quickly turn into “control”. When we begin to help our husbands practically in the area of our home our “help” can turn into a bunch of rules that we have for him in order to run our house more smoothly. Sometimes giving him spiritual and emotional advice can actually turn into a prideful attitude, always assuming that we have the inside track with God, and if he would just listen to us, he would get closer to God. This is called nagging. “Helping” can quickly turn into a nightmare that is the complete opposite of submitting.
Why do we do this? Why do we help our husbands in a way that becomes controlling? I believe that one of the biggest motivators that cause us to be controlling is fear. We fear that if we do not run things the way we want, run our husbands the way we want, make sure he turns into the spiritual person we want him to be etc… our life will be out of control.
It is interesting that Scripture says in I Pet 3:6 about Sarah, “just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” Sarah was made beautiful by submitting to her husband because she was not afraid. (I Pet 3:5) Was Abraham trustworthy? Definitely not. He gave her to another man because he was too much of a coward to protect her – twice! But Sarah’s trust was not in her husband. Who was her Protector? When we read about it in Gen 12:10-18 and Gen 20:2-14 we find that God completely took care of her. When we fear, we are actually making an assumption that God is not in control, so we have to be. This is not being a helpmeet. This is giving in to the enemy’s’ lies and giving in to fear. This is the opposite of submission.
Recently Todd and I had some long “discussions” about an area that we weren’t seeing eye to eye on. Instead of telling him my perspective and leaving it at that, I used all my best arguments trying to convince him to see it my way and to show him where I was coming from, even using Scripture. I wanted to help him see the truth and I sensed a resistance in him. I found myself getting very emotional and frustrated. In the midst of it, I heard God whisper, “you are standing in my way.” I later apologized to Todd and backed off. I knew that I needed to trust God and let it go. The interesting thing was, as soon as I did, I saw Todd’s attitude soften, in the very area that I was trying to convince him. I felt like God had spoken to me that yes, my perspective might be right, but the way I was trying to “help” Todd see the truth was actually hindering God from showing it to him in His way. I was fearful that if I didn’t convince him that God couldn’t… The lie the enemy was telling me was based on fear, and it seems silly to believe it when I see it printed out here on paper, but that was what I was sub-consciously struggling with. About a week or so later, Todd told me that God convicted him of the very thing that I was sensing in him. I needed to get out of the way and let God work.
On the other hand, when we take submitting to our husbands as to the Lord, without considering the fact that we need to be his helpmeet, we may actually hinder our husbands. Have you ever heard of the term “yes man”? In this business world, this refers to a man who flatters his boss and doesn’t really care about the company or his boss’s success, instead he just agrees with everything his boss wants, and is basically a brown noser. His outlook is to please his boss, but not to give him ideas, challenge him or make his company successful by at times presenting a different perspective.
There are times when we can submit to our husbands in a way that doesn’t help him at all. Our desire for peace, or to avoid confrontation of any sort actually leads to an imbalanced concept of submission. When we submit to our husbands, as to the Lord and as a helpmeet, we are right where we need to be.
I remember when Todd and I first were together, we had a disagreement. I saw things one way, and he saw things another. I remember praying about this. Everything in me wanted to just give up what I thought and to think like Todd instead. Wasn’t that the right thing to do? Wasn’t that what submitting was? As I prayed about it, I felt like the Lord said very clearly to me that this was an area that Todd needed my perspective on and that I wasn’t to change my mind. I was to submit to Todd, to support him and to tell him that I was behind him, but still to make it clear that I didn’t agree with him in this area.
This has been a pattern that has been so important in our marriage. We want to make decisions together. Todd knows that he is the “buck stopper” when it comes to our decisions. He knows and has at times made decisions that I disagreed with. It doesn’t happen that often, but it does happen. But he also knows that, even though I see things differently, I will submit to him, go along with his decision even if I don’t feel it’s best, and support him and have (or at least try to have) a good attitude.
I am not talking about areas of clear sin here, I am talking about decisions in marriage that have to do with what each of us think is best or wise or led by God. This is where hearing from the Holy Spirit is so important. In being Todd’s helpmeet, I submit as to the Lord. I go to God first when my perspective is different than Todd’s. I go with a heart that says, “speak to me, I’m willing to change my perspective, but I want Yours more than I want mine or Todd’s.” Sometimes God changes my perspective and shows me Todd is right. Sometimes he shows me that I am right. And sometimes both of us are partially right. But the bottom line is that submission does not always mean being a yes woman, but it has to be balanced with being his helpmeet.
So what is the one thing that motivates us to submit in an out of balance way? Once again, I believe that a big motivator is fear. We fear that we will lose intimacy with our husbands if we disagree with them, so instead, we choose to in a sense, throw our intuition or perspective out the window. We check our brains at the door because we fear confrontation. We don’t want a fight so we just pretend that we agree even when we know that God has shown us otherwise. Another thing we fear is the responsibility of the decision. We’d rather not be responsible for influencing him too much, because what if we are wrong? So we just comply and pretend like we agree, or we actually choose to change our thinking and give up on what we believe is right out of fear.
I am not advocating defiance or a lack of submission. It’s not that God can’t speak to us through our husbands or cause us to have a change of heart or perspective. Once again, God’s direction to us is the bottom line. But I am advocating being a true helpmeet. When we tell our husbands our perspective, with a submissive, respectful attitude, assuring him that we will support him in his decision we are being a true helpmeet and truly submitting. When we withhold our true opinion from our husbands we may actually be hindering him from making the right decision by our abdication of responsibility to speak when God wants us to.
On the other hand, if we share with him what we really think and he goes ahead with his decision, we can trust that 1. God is in control and can lead us through our husbands and 2. We have taken care of our responsibility before God of being his helpmeet. Then we can joyfully support him in his decision. If we end up being right, we can bless him by supporting him when he faces the consequences of his decision. If we end up being wrong we can be very grateful that we submitted to him as to the Lord, and that the Lord directed him despite our wrong advice.
Do you see how great it is that we are to be both a helpmeet and a submissive wife? God knew what he was doing and He is in control and trustworthy. If we are listening to Him and open to His direction we can trust Him.
I have been frustrated at times by the fact that sometimes it seems like God speaks to me about certain areas, before Todd. This is not true of all of our decisions but it happens. This is a pattern that also shows up in Scripture. Why did God speak to Mary about the birth of Jesus before Joseph? This brought division for a time in their lives. Why did Jesus tell Mary Magdalene first about His resurrection – and gave her a command to tell the men. The men didn’t believe her. Wouldn’t it have been easier on these women if he’d spoken to both the women and men at the same time? The two greatest events in the history of the world were spoken to women first. There are many other examples of this happening in Scripture . Does this make women more spiritual than men? Definitely not. God has placed husbands as the head of their wives. Does this make men more spiritual than women? Definitely not.
Gal 3:28 says that there is neither male nor female but we are one in Christ. We are equal in the fact that we can both hear from God. But in a marriage, God will communicate to us in different ways and maybe even at different times. And it’s my job to hear what He has to say and share it with Todd in a way that is both helpful to him, and yet submissive at the same time. In the same way it is my job to listen to Todd’s perspective and learn what God has to say to me through him. This is why we need each other. What a beautiful thing!
So let’s be women of the Word, and women of faith in God. Our husbands are human. God is trustworthy. When we say no to fear, when we submit and trust God, when we listen to Him and share our perspectives with our husbands while supporting them and helping them, we are truly fulfilling what God has asked us to do. This is who he meant us to be as wives. I am so grateful for the way He designed it and who he made us to be!
When it comes to married life, women and the Bible, it seems like there are essentially two things that are emphasized in Scripture.
1. We are to be our husbands helpmeet.
2. We are to respectfully submit to him as to the Lord.
What I find fascinating about these two things is that we really need a good understanding of each in order to be and do the other.
On the positive side, to submit to our husbands as to the Lord is a beautiful thing. When we truly consider his thoughts and opinions on life, our perspectives can change. In a good marriage, we are partners with someone who thinks very differently than we do. Men and women are different. Countless books and studies confirm this. The more I get to know my husband, the more I see that there are certain things that would benefit me if I were a little more like him. This doesn’t mean that I give up who I am as a woman or try to be more like a man, but it does mean that I become more well rounded in who I am and in how I look at life. When, through submission, I hear his thoughts, see his goals and listen to his heart, there are times that I wish I were more like him. I truly do admire my husband.
In addition to this, there are times when we may not agree and he knows it, but he also knows that I will do my best to submit to him with a right attitude. This is when it gets tricky, but submitting to him by allowing him to fail and accepting the consequences sometimes can be the wisest thing to do. And other times, when I submit to him even if I disagree… I find out later that he is (gulp)…. right!
On the positive side of being a helpmeet, there is nothing more thrilling and satisfying than truly helping him and being appreciated for it. The other day my husband turned to me, and I could tell that he was going to say something important. Actually I am sorry to say that I was thinking he looked very serious and was going to tell me something negative. But instead he surprised me by giving me a very sincere and praiseworthy compliment about something that he often doesn’t always seem to notice. He had seen my heart in a specific area, and the time and effort I’d spent doing something that blessed him and he really did appreciate it. It made my day – maybe even my week.
We can be our husbands helpmeets in many areas – practically in home things, mentally in supplying him with ideas, emotionally by supporting him in difficult times and praising him, sexually by meeting his needs, and spiritually by motivating him toward God in our actions, words and attitudes. I think for me, when I know that I am helping my husband spiritually or emotionally and that I have touched his heart or his spirit by my words, I am more satisfied and fulfilled than I can even express. I love connecting with him heart to heart and spirit to spirit, and actually helping him see things of God or move closer to God.
Isn’t it interesting though, that in being the wife our man needs includes both submitting and helping… and if we emphasize one above the other, we can actually bring negative things into our marriage and become out of balance. Let me explain.
As I said before, I love really and truly helping my husband spiritually and emotionally. But have you noticed that sometimes “help” can quickly turn into “control”. When we begin to help our husbands practically in the area of our home our “help” can turn into a bunch of rules that we have for him in order to run our house more smoothly. Sometimes giving him spiritual and emotional advice can actually turn into a prideful attitude, always assuming that we have the inside track with God, and if he would just listen to us, he would get closer to God. This is called nagging. “Helping” can quickly turn into a nightmare that is the complete opposite of submitting.
Why do we do this? Why do we help our husbands in a way that becomes controlling? I believe that one of the biggest motivators that cause us to be controlling is fear. We fear that if we do not run things the way we want, run our husbands the way we want, make sure he turns into the spiritual person we want him to be etc… our life will be out of control.
It is interesting that Scripture says in I Pet 3:6 about Sarah, “just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” Sarah was made beautiful by submitting to her husband because she was not afraid. (I Pet 3:5) Was Abraham trustworthy? Definitely not. He gave her to another man because he was too much of a coward to protect her – twice! But Sarah’s trust was not in her husband. Who was her Protector? When we read about it in Gen 12:10-18 and Gen 20:2-14 we find that God completely took care of her. When we fear, we are actually making an assumption that God is not in control, so we have to be. This is not being a helpmeet. This is giving in to the enemy’s’ lies and giving in to fear. This is the opposite of submission.
Recently Todd and I had some long “discussions” about an area that we weren’t seeing eye to eye on. Instead of telling him my perspective and leaving it at that, I used all my best arguments trying to convince him to see it my way and to show him where I was coming from, even using Scripture. I wanted to help him see the truth and I sensed a resistance in him. I found myself getting very emotional and frustrated. In the midst of it, I heard God whisper, “you are standing in my way.” I later apologized to Todd and backed off. I knew that I needed to trust God and let it go. The interesting thing was, as soon as I did, I saw Todd’s attitude soften, in the very area that I was trying to convince him. I felt like God had spoken to me that yes, my perspective might be right, but the way I was trying to “help” Todd see the truth was actually hindering God from showing it to him in His way. I was fearful that if I didn’t convince him that God couldn’t… The lie the enemy was telling me was based on fear, and it seems silly to believe it when I see it printed out here on paper, but that was what I was sub-consciously struggling with. About a week or so later, Todd told me that God convicted him of the very thing that I was sensing in him. I needed to get out of the way and let God work.
On the other hand, when we take submitting to our husbands as to the Lord, without considering the fact that we need to be his helpmeet, we may actually hinder our husbands. Have you ever heard of the term “yes man”? In this business world, this refers to a man who flatters his boss and doesn’t really care about the company or his boss’s success, instead he just agrees with everything his boss wants, and is basically a brown noser. His outlook is to please his boss, but not to give him ideas, challenge him or make his company successful by at times presenting a different perspective.
There are times when we can submit to our husbands in a way that doesn’t help him at all. Our desire for peace, or to avoid confrontation of any sort actually leads to an imbalanced concept of submission. When we submit to our husbands, as to the Lord and as a helpmeet, we are right where we need to be.
I remember when Todd and I first were together, we had a disagreement. I saw things one way, and he saw things another. I remember praying about this. Everything in me wanted to just give up what I thought and to think like Todd instead. Wasn’t that the right thing to do? Wasn’t that what submitting was? As I prayed about it, I felt like the Lord said very clearly to me that this was an area that Todd needed my perspective on and that I wasn’t to change my mind. I was to submit to Todd, to support him and to tell him that I was behind him, but still to make it clear that I didn’t agree with him in this area.
This has been a pattern that has been so important in our marriage. We want to make decisions together. Todd knows that he is the “buck stopper” when it comes to our decisions. He knows and has at times made decisions that I disagreed with. It doesn’t happen that often, but it does happen. But he also knows that, even though I see things differently, I will submit to him, go along with his decision even if I don’t feel it’s best, and support him and have (or at least try to have) a good attitude.
I am not talking about areas of clear sin here, I am talking about decisions in marriage that have to do with what each of us think is best or wise or led by God. This is where hearing from the Holy Spirit is so important. In being Todd’s helpmeet, I submit as to the Lord. I go to God first when my perspective is different than Todd’s. I go with a heart that says, “speak to me, I’m willing to change my perspective, but I want Yours more than I want mine or Todd’s.” Sometimes God changes my perspective and shows me Todd is right. Sometimes he shows me that I am right. And sometimes both of us are partially right. But the bottom line is that submission does not always mean being a yes woman, but it has to be balanced with being his helpmeet.
So what is the one thing that motivates us to submit in an out of balance way? Once again, I believe that a big motivator is fear. We fear that we will lose intimacy with our husbands if we disagree with them, so instead, we choose to in a sense, throw our intuition or perspective out the window. We check our brains at the door because we fear confrontation. We don’t want a fight so we just pretend that we agree even when we know that God has shown us otherwise. Another thing we fear is the responsibility of the decision. We’d rather not be responsible for influencing him too much, because what if we are wrong? So we just comply and pretend like we agree, or we actually choose to change our thinking and give up on what we believe is right out of fear.
I am not advocating defiance or a lack of submission. It’s not that God can’t speak to us through our husbands or cause us to have a change of heart or perspective. Once again, God’s direction to us is the bottom line. But I am advocating being a true helpmeet. When we tell our husbands our perspective, with a submissive, respectful attitude, assuring him that we will support him in his decision we are being a true helpmeet and truly submitting. When we withhold our true opinion from our husbands we may actually be hindering him from making the right decision by our abdication of responsibility to speak when God wants us to.
On the other hand, if we share with him what we really think and he goes ahead with his decision, we can trust that 1. God is in control and can lead us through our husbands and 2. We have taken care of our responsibility before God of being his helpmeet. Then we can joyfully support him in his decision. If we end up being right, we can bless him by supporting him when he faces the consequences of his decision. If we end up being wrong we can be very grateful that we submitted to him as to the Lord, and that the Lord directed him despite our wrong advice.
Do you see how great it is that we are to be both a helpmeet and a submissive wife? God knew what he was doing and He is in control and trustworthy. If we are listening to Him and open to His direction we can trust Him.
I have been frustrated at times by the fact that sometimes it seems like God speaks to me about certain areas, before Todd. This is not true of all of our decisions but it happens. This is a pattern that also shows up in Scripture. Why did God speak to Mary about the birth of Jesus before Joseph? This brought division for a time in their lives. Why did Jesus tell Mary Magdalene first about His resurrection – and gave her a command to tell the men. The men didn’t believe her. Wouldn’t it have been easier on these women if he’d spoken to both the women and men at the same time? The two greatest events in the history of the world were spoken to women first. There are many other examples of this happening in Scripture . Does this make women more spiritual than men? Definitely not. God has placed husbands as the head of their wives. Does this make men more spiritual than women? Definitely not.
Gal 3:28 says that there is neither male nor female but we are one in Christ. We are equal in the fact that we can both hear from God. But in a marriage, God will communicate to us in different ways and maybe even at different times. And it’s my job to hear what He has to say and share it with Todd in a way that is both helpful to him, and yet submissive at the same time. In the same way it is my job to listen to Todd’s perspective and learn what God has to say to me through him. This is why we need each other. What a beautiful thing!
So let’s be women of the Word, and women of faith in God. Our husbands are human. God is trustworthy. When we say no to fear, when we submit and trust God, when we listen to Him and share our perspectives with our husbands while supporting them and helping them, we are truly fulfilling what God has asked us to do. This is who he meant us to be as wives. I am so grateful for the way He designed it and who he made us to be!
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